Page 96 of Godsbane
“You’re both right. It was only a week, but you could have at least tried to get us out of it, Ivy,” Quinn chimes in. “It’s not like we asked you to kill Munding or something.”
The atmosphere in the room drops at her careless words. “Shit,” she stammers. “I’m sorry. That was … I’m sorry.”
I sit up, untangling myself from her hold. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. We’ve been friends since birth and I didn’t trust you—either of you—with my secret.”
“You didn’t know, Ivy,” Miles excuses.
“I knew I had magic. I knew I could grow flowers and that my nightmares were haunted by a mysterious stranger and a mythical sea beast. I lied over and over about where I snuck off to and why I wasn’t sleeping.”
“There’s no shame in having a secret. Your life doesn’t have to be an open book for everyone who knows you. Especially not when your entire life is lived in the public eye. You haven’t had many choices. Don’t be ashamed of the few you’ve been given.”
Quinn’s hand trails through my hair, pale fingers combing through the brown locks. I lean into her comforting touch, savoring the moment that stretches between us. A gift from the gods to have one final evening with the people I love most in this world. If only I could share the biggest secret of all, the shadow of Death that looms over me.
But my confession won’t change the outcome. They won’t leave. They won’t abandon me to my fate to save themselves. So I keep it closer to my chest than anything I’ve ever held before.
And I have no shame in that choice.
One by one, everyone in our ragtag resistance begins to yawn until sleepy, restless bodies litter the tiny home. Ten people cram into a space barely suited for five. Every spare covering, towel, or scrap of clothing is serving as a makeshift pallet or blanket. There’s not an inch of this home that isn’t occupied by someone.
Ever the gentleman, Cal offered Quinn the space on the cot he occupied the night before. But something in the way her eyes cut to Theo at the offer gave me the impression that she didn’t want to spend this night beside me.
I’m still awake when Cal enters the bedroom several hours later. I should have been asleep by now, but the suspense of what’s to come resounds in the quiet like a pealing bell. Only a few hours separate us from the maw of fate.
We’ve decided to infiltrate the castle during the guard change just before sunrise, and Cal has made all of the arrangements to ensure his men are scheduled to take the first shift at all four gates. We’ll use the waning dark of night as cover and face the full pressure of battle with the rising sun.
Cal stands in front of the small window. The moonlight pouring in from around the tattered curtain encircles his head in a halo that steals my breath. In an instant, I’m taken back to the night we met. For a moment, we’re back in the dining room in Emerald, none the wiser of how thoroughly we’re about to be destroyed.
Or maybe I was the only one unaware.
The more I let him in, the more I’m certain Callan Murphy has thought only of me for longer than I can imagine. I don’t know what to do with it—this strange, unfamiliar feeling of beingwanted so desperately that he’s willing to take the barest of scrapes that I offer him. I let him cross the threshold only to shut him out, never fully opening the door to my heart.
But he never wavers on his chosen path, an infuriatingly admirable quality that will make him a great ruler one day. I only wish I could be around to witness it.
“Come to bed.” I scoot against the wall to make room for him on the cot but he doesn’t move. “That’s an order, Captain.”
“I just came to see if there was an extra blanket,” he says, dropping his head.
He wears the weight of what’s to come like a yoke, personally bearing the responsibility for each of the lives that follow his command into battle tomorrow. Personally bearing the responsibility for my life, even though I never asked for such a thing.
“You know, I did see a spot on top of that sorry excuse for a table. I’m sure you’ll fit comfortably. It’s not like you need your rest or anything.”
Reluctantly, Cal sits on the edge of the cot. He removes his boots wordlessly before slipping under the blanket. Tension radiates from him, his entire body taut. Before I can think better of it, I rest my head on his broad chest in an attempt to comfort him. My magic was on edge before, but touching him sends it skittering erratically. Uncertainty radiates from every pore and echoes in my blood.
“I can’t shake this feeling,” he confesses.
I feel it too. Death’s silhouette lurks in wisps of shadows that hug the frames of my vision. The Dark God stands at the ready to claim my soul with the rising sun, but he will not take me without a fight. I need Cal at his best if we’re going to have a shot at taking Marks out before Death collects his fated prize.
“You’re the best military strategist in our nation and you said yourself that I’m powerful. Marks doesn’t stand a chance.” It’s a pretty lie that tastes bitter on my tongue.
We lay there in silence, both simmering in the shared feeling. Everything about tomorrow is wrong. Maybe that’s how everyone feels in the hours approaching their destiny. Maybe fate is supposed to feel wrong just before it feels right.
“I know what you’re doing, Ivy,” Cal says with a bite that sends my stomach plummeting. “You might have everyone else fooled, but I see you. There is nothing you won’t do to stop Marks, and as fucking admirable as it is, you’re doing it for the wrong reason. Your people need you alive.Ineed you alive.”
“Cal,” I start but he doesn’t let me finish.
“I’m not stopping you. Gods know that’s a fool’s errand. But I need you to know that I meant every word. You aren’t alone. I know you don’t want to hear this?—”
“Then don’t say it,” I interrupt.
