Page 77 of Catch
“Burnout?” I finally said, though it came out more like a question.
She hummed softly, but I could tell she didn’t quite believe me.
“Mostly,” I added quickly, trying to cover my tracks. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. And it definitely wasn’t what was keeping me up at night.
“I met someone,” I blurted out, needing to say it out loud. “I ran from Sam and ended up in Harmony Haven, Georgia. And I met a man… and I think I fell in love.”
“You don’t sound too happy about it,” she said after a pause.
“In the end, I ran from him too,” I admitted, my voice breaking. “He and his family don’t deserve the chaos Sam is capable of bringing into their lives.”
“Well, how does he feel about that?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, sparing her the details. “But it doesn’t matter. The people who control me in this industry… they’re not going to let anyone love theirstar, not if they think it’ll keep me from shining on their stage.”
“Oh, Loxley,” she said, her voice trembling. “I knew the moment you were born that you were going to be a star. But being a star doesn’t always mean standing on a stage every night. Being a star means shining, even when the clouds roll in. There are so many ways to be a star, baby. I hope you remember that.”
The next morning, we were in Chattanooga. I should’ve been more excited because it was an outdoor show. Any time I got to sing in the fresh air it made it easier to breathe.
“There’s rain in the forecast!” Sam’s voice boomed as he burst into my bus bedroom without knocking.
“Dammit, Sam! Get out of here!” I yelled, throwing a pillow at him.
“Don’t start with your bullshit, Loxley. You know you’ve got a busy day.” He sneered, his presence as suffocating as always. “And thanks to your little disappearance, we’re making up for lost time.”
Tears welled in my eyes, but I refused to let him see them.
“And don’t think the rain’s gonna stop this show,” he added, his voice sharp. “It’s gonna take more than a few dark clouds to cancel tonight.”
“It didn’t cross my mind,” I muttered, sliding out of bed and into the adjoining bathroom. I took my time, letting the sound of running water drown out my thoughts.
When I came back, Sam was gone, but he’d left an outfit on the bed. It wasn’t the jeans and t-shirt I’d hoped for. It was leather, riddled with strategic holes to show off as much skin as possible. I rolled my eyes, but put it on without complaint. Resistance wasn’t worth the fight.
The day passed in a blur of interviews, photo ops, and podcasts. There was no time to rest before the show. There was barely even time for me to eat. So I grabbed a carrot and did a quick costume change, before being shoved onto the stage with fans screaming my name.
I started the set flawlessly, the rain beginning to drizzle as I moved through the usual opening songs. But halfway through, as the band played the intro to another song, something inside me cracked.
The first note came and went, and I stood there, frozen, staring up at the sky. The crowd thought it was part of the act, cheering louder as the band looped the intro again. But I was fixated on a single star peeking through the heavy clouds.
Mama’s words from the night before echoed in my mind:There are so many ways to be a star.
Then I thought of Miles. The rain would always remind me of him. Of the night it started to fall on us by the lake, and we didn’t let it stop us from making love.
My microphone was on the stand, level with my mouth, and before I could stop myself, I leaned in and whispered, “I can’t do this.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Sam moving toward the stage and I turned my head slightly, meeting his glare, and shook my head. “I can’t do this.”
Chapter Forty-Five
MILES
I had barely sleptbecause I spent hours going through Loxley’s notes and lyrics, letting her words wash over me. If she wrote what she felt then it was clear… Just like me, she had spent our weeks together falling in love.
Your eyes said things your mouth didn’t say
But baby, my body heard 'em anyway.
Cold steel on my wrist,
