Page 99 of A Tower of Half-Truths
“Yes.” He looked at her. “How did you know?”
“Wren. I ran into her outside the library the other day. She told me about the research trip, and she mentioned something about Conor’s eyes. I figured that couldn’t be a coincidence.”
“She never could resist an opportunity for gossip,” Alainmuttered, then hung his head. “No, I shouldn’t disparage her. At least she was there when he passed. That’s more than I can say for myself.”
He pulled his knees to his chest, then rested his chin atop them, as though he were trying to make himself small enough to disappear entirely.
“I should start from the beginning,” he said. “That is, if you’re willing to hear it.”
She answered with a nod and a squeeze of his shoulder.
“Conor and I first met two years ago this autumn, not long after Nezima hired him as her assistant. Though we’d only ever exchanged pleasantries in the common room, I was nothing short of infatuated with him. He was one of the most beautiful people I’d ever seen, and I attempted to capture his beauty in paint, to little success.
“That was, until I finally struck up the courage to ask him to sit for me. I assumed he would be like every other academic and belittle me for my hobby. To my relief, he was not only flattered, he agreed to be my model without hesitation.
“We met there”—he pointed at the trapdoor to his studio—“a few times per week, and we quickly struck up a friendship. All the while, my infatuation continued to grow, but I never acted upon those feelings.”
“Because of the Covenants?”
He nodded. “And my own cowardice. I wouldn’t have had a clue what to do or say. I’m sure it comes as no surprise, romance has never been my strong suit.”
Mavery eyes widened in mock surprise, and he gave her a half-hearted laugh.
“One day, Conor told me how Nezima’s latest experiment had gone awry. Her spell was supposed to negate a poison she’d developed. Instead, the spell backfired, and it nearly killed him. When he asked her to exempt him from being a test subject going forward, she told him if he couldn’t handle the risks, he had no business seeking to become a wizard. And then she dismissed him on the spot.”
“I take it that’s why you don’t like her,” Mavery said.
He nodded. “I’d once held Nezima in high regard for being a prolific scholar, for everything she’d done for my mother. But after learning how she holds such little respect for her assistants, I lost all my respect forher.
“Shortly after Conor left Nezima’s employ, he asked me for a job. I already had Wren and Lorcan; I could hardly afford a third assistant, but I could hardly turn him down in his time of need.” He sighed as he rubbed his temples. “Conor then confessed that he’d harbored romantic feelings for me all along. I reminded him of the Covenants, but he insisted that he didn’t care whether our courtship needed to remain secret; he wanted to be both my assistant and my lover. He made some quite, er,persuasivearguments.”
His face turned scarlet, which told Mavery everything she needed—and a bit more than shewanted—to know. Alain cleared his throat.
“To the outside world, we were simply wizard and assistant. Behind closed doors, we were…much more than that.” He winced. “I’m sorry, speaking of this must seem so crass, considering…”
Mavery smiled. “Considering what? Last I checked, friends were allowed to talk about their past lovers. Besides, after everything I just told you about Neldren, it’s only fair.”
“Right.” He lowered his gaze. “Of course.”
“So, how did you afford his wages?”
“I’m sure you noticed the dearth of magical trinkets around here. I paid him with whatever he could easily pawn. It was either that, or my life savings.” He shrugged. “At least my affection for him never rendered mecompletelysenseless.”
Mavery’s heart sank. Someone had gotten the drop on her long before she’d found that newspaper ad.
“I wish I could say it had all been worth it,” Alain said, “but no matter how much I sacrificed, nothing was ever enough. Minor disagreements about research methods escalated into explosive personal arguments. Before long, I realized we had very little incommon.” He laughed darkly. “As it turns out, physical attraction alone does not make a sturdy foundation for a relationship.”
Mavery nodded. “I understand that all too well.”
“From the moment I agreed to our secret courtship, I don’t know, something in him changed. It’s as though he became an entirely different person.”
“Or, perhaps you were seeing the person he’d been all along.”
“Perhaps,” Alain sighed. “I wasn’t happy, and neither was he. He tried to push my boundaries and make our courtship public. The tipping point was after we made a research breakthrough with the Innominate Temple. Conor and I went out to celebrate at the Lettered Gentleman. I hoped that being surrounded by our colleagues would deter him from doing anything rash.
“But, after a few pints, he threw his arms around me and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, and I don’t think anyone noticed, but we argued about it all the way back here, where we argued for hours. We said many hurtful things to one another. Things that can’t easily be taken back.”
He hesitated as his body became more tense, his breathing more shallow. Mavery grasped his shoulder again, bracing them both for whatever came next.
