Page 93 of Thorns That Bloom
So, I allow myself to believe that maybe my dream of being here when the baby comes and staying in his life—in their lives—might actually come true.
We arrive outside his apartment. Compared to last time, it almost looks like an entirely different place. My memory of that day is dark and fuzzy, dominated by the harshness of the pouring rain and, most of all, Sam’s fear-soured pheromones. Right now, the air’s clear. The sun reflects on his skin in the most beautiful way, and his tender gaze tells me he feels safe.
“My god,” he blurts out sharply while grabbing his stomach.
I tense up, twisting toward him. “What is it?!”
Sam laughs before I go into full-blown panic mode. Undoing his seatbelt, he rests his head back in the seat and shifts to face me. “You worry too much, Theo. She’s justkicking. Boxing. Somersaulting in there or…something,” he mutters, flinching again.
Relaxing my shoulders in relief, I look down.
“I was worried something was wrong,” I mutter, playfully annoyed at his amused expression.
Sam reaches out his hand and grabs mine by the wrist. He unzips his jacket and moves it aside to place my hand on his stomach. I lift my eyes to meet his gaze, drawing in a sharp breath. He’s still smiling. “Ah. There you go.”
There’s a fluid movement, like the rippling of water, followed by a firmer push. Sam exhales deeply, and another gentle kick follows. My mouth falls open in awe. The world goes completely still.
“I can feel her,” I whisper, my heart swelling.
The way Sam’s hand rests over mine changes, from a simple hold to a tender caress. “She can recognize your voice, you know? You’ve probably already read about that.” I’m too mesmerized to move or even look up from his stomach when he says that. “She’s usually calmer when you’re around. Aside from now, apparently.”
All that was in my life before Sam now feels wrong. Me never thinking about kids feels wrong. This? This feels right. This feels likeeverything. Like the whole universe and all that the world has to offer, compressed into a perfect little package—me, him, and this little baby I want to protect.
With tears prickling in my eyes, I look up. Sam’s waiting for me, sucking in his bottom lip pensively.
“Kiss me,” he breathes out the words, sounding uncharacteristically needy and small.
I oblige without hesitation. I pull him closer by his napeand pour all my longing into the way our lips move together, deepening the kiss until the breaths mingling between us grow too hungry and the urge in me to touch him everywhere close to unbearable.
Sam lets out a trembling exhale, swooping the string of saliva at the corner of his mouth with his tongue like he relishes the taste of it. And oh, the scent of our combined pheromones is making me feel things, too.
His gaze is heavy with lust when he finally meets my eyes. A spark of uncertainty shines through.
“Only company,” I reassure him, my voice steadfast, while I wind down my breaths and focus on tapering my scent. “Nothing more.”
“I’m sorry,” Sam whispers, his attention trailing off to somewhere by his feet. “I didn’t… I didn’t do this to tease you. Or tempt and frustrate you, or to—”
“I know.” I brush my finger over his cheek and the stubble there that I’d love to, one day, rub my face against and lick and kiss. “I already gave you my word. You made yourself clear, Sam.”
He pulls away and scoffs, making me wonder if I did or said anything wrong. “God, you’re just so…” When he looks at me again, a frustrated frown on his face, it quickly becomes obvious that he’s not angry with me, but himself. Or the situation? I can’t quite tell. His expression softens as soon as he meets my eyes. It softens so much it turns scarily intimate. Vulnerable.
With bated breath, I wait to hear what he’s about to say. My heart races, head filling with disastrous scenarios. What if he’s going to walk this back? What if he’s changing his mind?
“Look. I…I’ve been thinking and…if you, we, really want to give this a proper try, it won’t— It’s going to bedifficult. For me. And for you, probably. Do you understand that?” Swallowing hard, he looks at me, brows drawn together in concern.
This? We?
He’s not ending this. He’s doing the opposite. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
Sam groans and rolls his eyes. “I’m serious, Theo.”
“I-I know. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I hastily grab his hand. “But you must know that I don’t mind. You know that—”
“I mean it. Challenging. Uncomfortable. I’m not the same person I was before. I…I don’t even know myself right now, in that way. It won’t be normal or easy or spontaneous like it should be. At-at least at the beginning. God, I don’t even know what I can promise you…”
With a gentle squeeze from me, he averts his face and sighs again. He’s beating himself up way too much about this. I think he knows it too.
“You didn’t forget what I believe about us, right? That hasn’t changed.” I’ve been trying so hard not to come off as too intense this entire time, but maybe that’s what he needs to be reminded of. Of the true extent of what I feel. “When you told me you can’t be my fated mate and that I should go date other people, I just couldn’t. Because you’re the only one for me. I know it. In my bones and in my heart. So I don’t care. With every fiber of my being, I don’t care how hard or difficult it might be, Sam. Even if I’m supposed to be just someone safe for you to be with while you go through this, before you change your mind, I can do that.”
