Page 97 of Thorns That Bloom
“Oh, no. I mean, it’s different. I need to get used to it, but I like it. I like you either way, of course.”
I chuckle. “Of course.”
We take one of the spots. Usually, I sit all the way in the corner and try to be invisible. This time, I don’t care where we go. It’s the last class for our group, so everyone has a partner. I can’t imagine how stupid I would’ve felt if I had come alone again.
“Why is everybody staring at me?” Theo asks, shifting nervously in the comfortable green chair next to me.
Furrowing my brows, I look around the circle and…people are, indeed, giving him looks. I quickly hide my smile from him when Theo shoots me a confused grimace. “These classes are for couples,” I say in a low voice, “which…I failed to notice when I signed up. I figured I wouldn’t be the only one coming by myself, and from time to time, people would turn up without a partner, but not that often. I think they…um…”
Theo widens his eyes in horror. “They think I’m some deadbeat dad who’s been letting his omega come here all by himself this whole time?” he pushes quietly through his teeth. I fight with all my might to stop grinning.
His omega.Mhm, I don’t like how powerful a response rocks through me at hearing those words. Even if it’s powerful in a rather pleasant way.
“Sorry.” I lean toward him with a whisper.
“Alright, everybody!” A melodic voice floats in from the open door. Rachel, the midwife who’s been teaching the classes, swoops in with the same amount of pleasantly chargedattitude as always. Even she, with her bright blue eyes, fixates on Theo briefly while passing by us, though her judgment is much better hidden, camouflaged by a polite, not-entirely-genuine smile.
“We’re all present? Wonderful.” She claps her hands together and prepares her little table with brochures, printouts, and little books.
I tiptoe my fingers toward Theo’s hand resting over his thigh and wrap my fingers around his. He still looks worried about what others think of him, but quickly smiles, and thankfully, everyone else gets distracted by the beginning of the lesson shortly after.
“Alrighty, folks! Today, we’re going to be focusing on recapping everything we’ve learned, and reviewing your birth plans. There will be plenty of time for questions, too. I want you all to leave prepared, confident, and looking forward to meeting your little ones.”
Theo listens, barely paying attention to me, as Rachel goes through the signs of labor, what to do, and when to go to the hospital, and reminds us of the breathing techniques. He finally gives me a painful wince and a tight squeeze of my hand when we go through pain management.
The newborn care talk makes me uneasy, like it always does. I still don’t feel quite ready. Though I know I’m not the only one, since plenty of more open and brave individuals from the group voice their concerns, I just can’t get it into my head that I’m an adult with an actual human being on the way who will be completely dependent on me for every single thing. There will be a person in my life,forever, tied to me and relying on me for love and care and wisdom.
How does that even make sense? How does anyone do it?
Almost as if Theo can read my thoughts, he leans in closer, nudging my shoulder. I look at him, and the faint scent of his spiced coconut aroma instantly puts me at ease. “Are you in pain? You look like you’re in pain,” he says, knowing damn well I’m furrowing my brows and biting at the inside of my lip because I’m nervous. “You’ll be fine,” he whispers into my ear, running his hands up and down my arms reassuringly.
I hesitantly smile and look away, feeling the baby stir.
It isn’t until Rachel starts going through the more intense, explicit realities that await me, like the specific birthing positions, risks, emotional well-being, and especially the aftercare, like dealing with changes after the birth, bleeding, managing pain, and postpartum mental health, that I realize how intimate having another person with me actually is.
Theo hangs on her every word, nodding with his lips parted, emotions flashing behind his eyes. I swear, if he’d brought paper and a pen, he’d be taking notes.
As Rachel goes on about warning signs of postpartum depression and anxiety—something we’ve already gone through in previous lessons, but I somehow blocked out because of the stress it caused me to even consider it—and the need for a partner’s support while managing a newborn, I shift my gaze to Theo.
I’m imagining him in all those scenarios, and they’re not as terrifying as they were before. Before, I was alone. And I could’ve done it alone, as many do, but…
“What would you say would be a good way to support your partner in this time, physicallyandemotionally? How have you been supporting each other throughout the pregnancy andleading up to birth, and how will you continue during and in those difficult first few weeks?” Rachel asks to start a discussion. Hands go up before she even finishes the sentence.
“Stepping up at home without having to be asked.”
“That’s a great suggestion. Though…you should be doing that either way,” Rachel says with a playful wink, earning her a little chuckle from the group.
The man who asked rounds his shoulder a bit, but gets patted on the head by his boyfriend.
The more people throw out suggestions, the more it seems like they’re trying to win some sort of game of who’s a better, more caring partner. Theo and I stay quiet. His pensive gaze makes me wonder what’s going on inside his head.
“Yes, communication is key. Especially in those first few weeks. Things might get rather intense, and emotions will be high, so communication is going to be essential,” Rachel says, elaborating on another suggestion.
When she takes a breath and glances around the room, her eyes eventually land on Theo. “Any other ideas?” she asks, clearly hinting at him.
We both freeze. I’ve always said my partner was busy when she asked me in the past, too embarrassed to explain or just admit I had no one. And Rachel was always very protective of all herstudents. I guess her professional decency only goes so far when she thinks someone is being neglected.
Theo blinks and swallows nervously, looking up at her like he’s a child getting scolded. Everyone else is watching him, too.
