Page 89 of Thorns That Bloom
“My dad experienced something similar in college, too. I know, it’s…it’s awful and life-changing. That’s why we got this huge talk about safety and stuff before we went ourselves. And it’s how Gail was able to pick up on what was happening to her friend, even if she was too late to stop it. Dad never got any justice, either. So they were proud of her, obviously. But…Gail is like that. She goes into things one thousand and five percent. She lives, eats, and breathes what she’s passionate about. And this time, it just… It went a little too far.”
“Too far, how?” Sam asks quietly, though I have a feeling that he’s already sensing where this is going.
“She started believing that all alphas are like that. Innately. I guess I can’t blame her. All she saw around herself were the atrocities committed by alphas. Them getting away with it. And all she surrounded herself with were others who experienced the same.”
My heart clenches with a familiar, dull pain. One I’ve learned to live with and ignore, for the most part, but that never lost its intensity.
“It began with her pulling away from me, which…wasfine. We weren’t kids anymore. I couldn’t expect her to be my best friend forever. We hung out less. Talked less… In the end, the only place we would actually meet was at our parents’ house. But even then, the conversation would always shift to how alphas are innately cruel and violent. And while I never felt some persecution complex because of Gail’s opinions, it became pretty obvious she wanted my omega parents to agree with those views, and…my presence wasn’t entirely welcome at those family lunches.”
“My god,” Sam mutters. “That…isn’t fair, Theo. I’m sorry.”
I chuckle, unsure why. With a helpless shrug, I continue, staring at the moving branches above us, the sun’s rays dancing between them.
“Still, I was fine with stepping away for the sake of peace. It hurt me. It hurt me a lot,” I clarify, voice trembling, “but I wasn’t going to argue with her. Unfortunately, my parents, they…they weren’t so willing. I tried to convince them to get them to look past it so that at least they could have a relationship with her. It didn’t really work. There was this huge fight where it all boiled over.
“They said they couldn’t stand by and listen to her implying their son was a monster and that she had to stop insinuating as such. My dad even said she had no right to use what happened to him as a justification for hurting me, and… There was a lot of screaming and shouting that day. Ugly words were exchanged. At the end, my parents said she wasn’t welcome around the family if she was going to be so cruel and punish me for something I haven’t done, and so she…hasn’t been back since.”
My throat hurts with how tight it gets when I finally get it out. So does my chest. And my heart. I breathe slowly, trying to blink away the burning tears in my eyes and the even more painful guilt digging into me with full force now.
When I feel Sam’s hand on my cheek, I jerk, turning to him in surprise.
“Oh, Theo…”
“I’m alright,” I say, instantly putting on a smile, but there’s something about Sam’s somber gaze that makes it impossible for me to keep that mask of carelessness on, and my expression quickly falls. Sniffling, I relish his soft touch before releasing a trembling breath. “It’s my fault, see? That Gail isn’t in my parents’ lives. It’s true that maybe I didn’t show as much interest in her cause in the beginning. I was young and had other things to think about. Maybe if I had shown more willingness to learn, or maybe there was something I said that—”
“You can’t blame yourself. Your parents made that choice. They set a boundary.”
“But why did they decide I was the child to keep in their lives and not her? Because I’m an alpha? Sometimes I wonder. I feel like Gail must have wondered, too. If it was because I was an alpha and she was a beta. I imagine that hasn’t made her too keen to reconnect, either.” My stomach twists and cramps, so I lean into Sam, resting my shoulder against his and moving closer.
He looks at me with tender eyes, so tender I have to fight the urge to sink into his embrace.
“She’s misguided, that’s why. It’s one thing to feel passionately about something righteous, and another to put blame on someone innocent.”
“What if I’m not innocent?” I ask. I shouldn’t be saying this in front of him. Not after trying so hard to make him feel secure around me. But being around Sam also has theunpleasant effect of opening me up, laying myself bare to him, maybe a little more than I should. I lower my voice. “What if she’s right about the nature of alphas?”
Sam’s brows draw together, the cute dimple now a harsh line. He grabs me by the cheeks, making me face him. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re like them,” he says sharply, with purpose. “Tell me you’re anything like the men who hurt me, or someone who could hurtanyone.”
Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes for a completely different reason. I sniff and smile, shaking my head. With a deep exhale, I lean into Sam’s touch. He pulls me in and rests his forehead against mine.
“That’s what I thought,” he whispers.
“You have no idea how much I wanted to…break that man’s neck in the lobby. How much I wanted to put my hands on him for even daring to come near you,” I admit. When I open my eyes, Sam watches me, but there’s no fear or disgust. “But I knew that violence wouldn’t help you at the moment.”
“It wouldn’t have helped if you got hurt or in trouble. Seeinghimget hurt, though…probably would’ve helped mea little. Either way, you did the right thing. You took care of me and held me when I needed someone to keep me together,” he says, his vulnerable voice melting away nearly all of my worries.
I smile, taking Sam’s hand away from my cheek and squeezing it in my lap. It doesn’t even matter that we’re in public. When I’m with him, it’s like the entire world disappears and we’re in our own little universe, just the two of us.
“I also felt pretty violent when you called me yesterday and told me he’d turned up at your apartment.” As the angersurges through me, I almost squeeze Sam’s hand too hard, so I let go. With a sigh, I rub my forehead and look around, hoping for the cool air to calm me down a little. The only thing that stopped me from getting to him, no matter the distance or any obstacle, was Sam telling me not to. “I wanted to… I was so…”
“I know,” he says, eyes low. “I know, and I’m grateful. I really am. I just…needed to be alone. I can’t explain why. It’s not that I didn’t want you there with me. I did, just—”
“I understand, Sam. You don’t have to defend yourself to me.”
His expression is one of gratitude and vulnerability. Vulnerability means trust. It means he trusts me. I like that expression very much.
“Speaking to her and asking her for a favor on my behalf couldn’t have been easy for you.” His brow furrows, the exact emotion I don’t want to see taking hold of his features. Guilt. “I’m sorry you had to do that.”
I snort at the ridiculous suggestion.
