Page 77 of Thorns That Bloom
That velvety voice of his does little to ease the storm inside me, but little is more than nothing. I know I don’t have to talk about it. And yet there’s no stopping those memories, and the only people I’ve ever told were the police and my attorney. Both instances were cold and impersonal, no matter how hard they all tried to show me that they cared, that they understood. It was always just a job to them.
I was a nobody. Just another victim providing a statement. Another client to practice on before bigger, more profitable cases. That’s it.
At the end of the day, I couldn’t even share with anyone what happened. Not that Iwantedto share or to relive it, but it made the memory feel like a prison. It still is. A prison only for me, endlessly alone and tortured.
“There were five of them.” I let out a raspy mutter, moving away from Theo enough to meet his eyes. “I was… I was in heat. I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to the t-toilets. It was almost the end of m-my shift. Hardly anyone in the office. I… They… They’d beenleeringat me all day.”
I shiver at the memory. The five bright, young, strong alphas. Always walking together like a group of popular high school kids, chatting and judging and calculating. That’s what they’d always been. Calculating, heartless monsters. It was good for the business deals, of course, so who would complain?
“One of them, Nick, we…. We had a…thing, before,” I say, the shame making my throat go tight. I can’t believe I ever found that pig appealing. His charming face and alluring pheromones were all there was to him. And that stupid smirk of his. Constantly biting and teasing. I liked that. On some basic level, we connected.
At least that’s what I thought.
“It was just sex. When I heard he was getting serious with his partner, I ended it. He w-was annoyed by that, but never did anything. The others, they… We only worked in the same office. They never… I’ve never—”
Theo jumps in as I drift off, wondering if the way my heart pounds against my chest can hurt the baby, or me, even. It hurts. It fucking hurts. “Sam, that doesn’t matter. You didn’t want it. You didn’t consent.”
“I know.” I close my eyes again, pushing out tears.
“You don’t have to talk about it, Sam.”
I do.
But maybe Theo doesn’twantto hear. Is that what this is about? Why his voice shakes and his eyes look like they’remoments from bursting like a dam, too?
I stare right at him, and can’t tell within myself if that makes me angry or disappointed or glad.
Maybe some horrible, sadistic part of me wants me to relive this as a punishment, and wants him to see it, too. Wants him to know the raw brutality and terror of what happened—as much as he can know without being subjected to it—so that I can see the hurt reflecting back at me in his eyes. Then I’d know that if it doesn’t, if it just goes in and disappears, that he might be the same sort of monster like them and I shouldn’t trust him at all.
“They cornered me. Told me ho-how good I smelled,” I continue, barely managing to push the words out through the shakes and sniffling and tears running down my face. “How they could sense how ripe and wet I was for them.”
My chest contracts sharply with the urge to retch.
Theo stares at me, unmoving, frozen.
“Two of them were in rut. The pheromones were s-so strong. Th-the room filled with them so quickly, I… I was lightheaded. And hot. And scared. They wouldn’t let me leave. They pushed me down and held me and k-kept…” I squeeze Theo’s hand so tight I must be hurting him. “Fuck, they… I couldn’t think. The smells kept getting stronger, and they all kept going, and no matter how much I didn’t want it, I kept c-co—”
The words get away from me again. My lips quiver too much. My head fills with sounds. All those awful grunting sounds…
“Sam. Sam,” Theo says, pleading for my attention. When I blink again and find his distorted face in front of me, he lookseven more worried.
“I didn’t want it,” I cry out, shaking my head.
“I know. I know! Please, Sam, listen to me, okay? Are you listening?”
I nod shakily, but I’m not sure I am. I’m not sure I can really pull myself back to reality.
“I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to know that you can say no. Ineedyou to say no if that is what you want. If you could just let me…” He pauses and sighs in frustration, averting his face briefly. “You’re so distraught. It can’t be good for you or the baby. Would you let me use my pheromones to calm you? Just to make sure you’re not going to pass out or get a panic attack. A worse one than now, I mean. I…I can do that. I can try. Only if you want me to. You’re allowed to say no. You are, okay?”
Why does he sound so panicked?
Ah…Is it becauseIam?
They used their pheromones on me, too. They used their raw, rut-fueled desire and need to possess and dominate to restrain and subdue me. It was too much. Too many. There was nothing I could do. My body went weak, and my mind was addled by fear and pain and the horrifying responses from my own flesh.
But this is Theo, and he’s asking me. He wants to help me.
“Protect me?” I whisper drunkenly, my thoughts spilling out of my head and onto my lips without intention.
