Page 74 of Thorns That Bloom
His pheromones don’t bother me anymore, either. Not really. It might be different when he’s in rut, but that’s something the two of us can figure out, slowly. The certainty that he would be as slow and careful as I need him to be makes it that much easier.
I think back on his singing—it was the most vulnerable and true I’ve ever seen another person, I think. I barely held myself back from bursting into tears.
Next time I see him, I’ll tell him.
I’ll tell him that maybe us holding hands and kissing and being close might be a little more; something regular and not just an act done in the moment or on a whim.
The baby stirs inside me, only this time the movement is fluid and slow.
“You like that, yeah?” I ask, looking down with a smile. “Alright. First, let’s get this done,” I decide firmly once I notice the time. Before I fully submerge myself in work, I message Theo, asking him what time he finishes today.
His quick response sets a plan in motion. He’s only working an hour later, so I tell him to meet me at the reception. It’ll give me time to go to a coffee shop to get something to eat and calm my nerves. Then, after the meeting, I can drive him home like I did last night. Or maybe we could find a nice place somewhere outside just to sit and talk. The prospect of having some time with him gives me honest-to-god butterflies. I didn’t know if I’d ever have those again.
As I eat a slice of carrot cake at my favorite, family-owned little cafe, The Ballerina Squirrel, I watch people pass outside the front window. It might be cloudy and getting dark, but thatdoesn’t take away from my good mood.
My ankles are swollen, but I don’t care.
I can already sense the indigestion I’ll have later, but I don’t give a shit.
Even if it’s just for a moment, I’m finally free of that sinister shadow that’s been looming over me, and I can’t wait to tell Theo that I think he’s a massive part of why.
Leaving myself just enough time, I get a coffee to go for Theo and head back. It starts raining and by the time I park, I can barely see two feet in front of me.
I pull my jacket over my head, grunt while getting out of the car like I always do now, and rush inside.
The older receptionist who works the evenings smiles at me as I get in. Of course, my bladder is already close to giving out, so I put the coffee on one of the two low tables by the couches in the reception area and slip into the restroom.
After taking care of my bladder, I wash my hands and look at myself in the mirror. It occurs to me how rarely I’ve done that recently. Really looking at myself, able to meet my own gaze. At first, I didn’t even want to catch my reflection. I covered the mirrors in the bathroom and the hallway in my old apartment. After that, I couldn’t care less how I looked, even as the worst of my melancholy passed.
I’d brush my hair and make sure I didn’t look like a maniac before leaving in the morning, nothing more. Drawing anyone’s attention was the last thing I wanted. Now…I feel that urge, that draw to look my best for someone again. Not just for Theo, but for my own confidence, too.
But feeling truly confident in myself won’t be easy for a while. Smirking, I look down at my stomach. I’m starting tolook like a balloon. My chest is swollen with milk. And I wobble more than I walk. I’ve gained a few pounds that I’m not sure suit me very well. Though, at least my hair is nice and shiny and thick. Until the post-birth hair loss kicks in.
A problem for another day. For future Sam to deal with.
I take a confident breath and mess with my hair a little. As I step back into the lobby, it occurs to me that this was the first time I haven’t thought of it when entering a restroom.
With a smile on my face, I get a whiff of the familiar scent of coconut. I hear Theo’s melodic, boisterous laughter from across the room. He’s by the elevators, chatting with a tall, thin woman and an older man, both dressed in the same overalls he wears.
He quickly notices my movement and waves for me to come closer, so I do. With the coffee in hand and a smile on my lips, I make my way over. There’s a man talking to the receptionist, his back to me. I barely hear what they’re arguing about, all my focus drawn to Theo’s velvety voice.
“And that’s who they decide to hire in old man Mickey’s place?!”
“I know, right? I mean, they're obviously notreplacinghim, just filling his position, but by gods, they could’ve picked someone a little more capable. That kid won’t last a week here, I tell you.”
“Should give him a chance, I suppose. I thought the same about this one here when he first turned up, what…three years ago?” the man replies, freeing a hearty chuckle.
Theo smirks. “Hi,” he says quietly when I come up. The two look at me, nod, and continue their conversation. “I wasn’t this bad, was I?”
“He had such a baby face. Like a scared littlewabbit.”
“But he slotted right in,” the woman adds, tapping Theo’s shoulder fondly. “And no, you weren’t bad, just a little wide-eyed.” She glances down at my stomach and then at my face. “Anyway,” her tone changes to a more playful, soft one, perhaps like she knows that I’m the victim of Theo’s affection, like half the manufacturing floor seems to, “enough rambling. I gotta go feed my kids, and you have some eager company as well, so—”
“I have to see him!” A voice pierces through the lobby, echoing off the walls.
We all turn toward the reception, where a tall figure is leaning against the desk’s countertop, looming over the poor woman there.
Something twists inside me.
