Page 59 of Thorns That Bloom
How could I let myself be swayed by whatever that was? After telling him that we can’t be together. After…
“I’ll take a taxi back to work, okay?”
“N-no, I can—”
“Sam.” His voice does that thing when it goes smooth and low, sending shivers all the way to my heels. With a serious face, he steps closer to me again, touching my wrist so gently he might as well not be touching it at all. “It’s fine. I’m a big boy. I can get back by myself. Besides, my shift doesn’t start for a while.”
His ability to put on that smile without a hint of any other emotion is exceptional. I can hardly see the disappointment behind it, but a dullness in his soft blue eyes betrays him.
I know he won’t change his mind, and I know that I’ve had enough stress for today, so I nod again. Theo steps away withan exhale.
“Drive safe,” he says. Putting his hands into his pockets, he flashes me one last smile and heads for the main entrance, where he’ll be able to get a taxi.
I don’t know if he walks so quickly because he doesn’t want to upset me any further or if it’s because what happened, what I did, has rattled him as much as it did me.
I’m afraid to find out which one it might be.
Chapter 16
Sam
Dr. Stewart glances up at me, tapping the end of her pen against her notebook. I’ve finally felt ready to catch her up on what’s been going on with Theo and me, right until the point when I lost my mind and kissed him like a complete fucking idiot.
“Did that bring any unpleasant emotions to the surface?”
I lean back, reminding myself that I promised to be honest with her, no matter how awkward that might be. “No. In the assault, they…they didn’t kiss me. Kissing isn’t something they ruined for me. One of the few things they haven’t,” I say quietly, lowering my gaze.
“So, in the moment, how did itfeelto kiss Theo?”
The question makes heat pool in my cheeks and behind my ears. “It was just the pregnancy hormones,” I insist, because if I answer quickly, I don’t have to actually reflect on it. I don’t want to look back at the terrifying storm of feelings—goodfeelings, worst of all—going on inside me back then.
“Or perhaps you were stressed out and grateful for his support, and kissing him was the only way you knew how to show it?”
I frown. “Why would I kiss him? After…after insisting we were only going to be friends.”
“From what you told me, it was Theo who insisted on that, wasn’t it?”
“Well, yes, but I—”
“Do you feel like he only did it so that he could stay in your life?”
Dr. Stewart is scary direct today… Slowly, I nod.
Of course. Of course, deep down, I know Theo didn’t just let that fated mates idea go. I know he asked to be friends and promised there would be nothing else between us because that’s the only way he could be near me.
“And how do youreallyfeel aboutthat?”
My frown deepens. The baby stirs lightly inside, and I place my hand on my belly while I dart my eyes across the paintings behind Dr. Stewart and try to gather my thoughts.
Part of me wants to be angry at Theo. If he really didn’t want to get hurt, he would’ve taken the hint and stayed away. He would’ve run when I told him I’m broken. He would’ve run the moment he found out what happened to me. Even as I picture it, I ignore the quiet voice in the back of my mind, reminding me how warm and comforting he smells. I ignore it whispering about how Iwant him to stay.
The fact that he didn’t head for the hills, I guess, only proves the truth of his earlier confession. He still believes in that silly, absolutely unfounded thing. That we’re fated mates. Deep down, I knew that. I knew it when he told me he wished to be friends and promised there would be nothing more. Not that I thought he was lying, but I knew it was something he had to settle for in order to remain in my orbit.
I knew he felt the same irrational affection toward me when I agreed to have lunch together. When I accepted that arrangement, when I brought him to my doctor’s appointment with me, to see my child, to be the one with me when I found out her gender, and I knew it when I kissed him.
The realization eats at me. My stomach twists uncomfortably to the point I almost feel sick.
Why am I doing this? I know the only way this can end. With Theo wanting more, me not being able to give it to him, and both of us getting hurt.
