Page 58 of Thorns That Bloom
“There’s no rush. You still have time, but things are going to start moving quickly. You can get down now. Let us discuss some vaccinations and your birth plan before you go.”
The rest of the appointment passes in a blur. I barely pay attention to what the doctor says. Questions about a hospital bag, birth plan, or baby’s positioning and when to start worrying about them—her—turning the right way for birth all get lost in the fluffy cloud of euphoric haze.
So many questions swirl inside my head once we leave the office.
Should I change the nursery? So far, I’ve bought mostly beige, yellow, and pale green toys and clothes. Not like she will care. Not that it matters at all.
Oh god, will I be able to bring up a girl by myself? Again, it wouldn’t be that different from a boy, but—
I shiver at the thought that comes into my mind next: Am I a bad person for being glad somewhere deep down that it isn’t a boy? For not having to fear that he’d grow up to look exactly like one of those men whose faces are burned into my mind?
“You haven’t thought about names at all? You must have some that you like, surely,” Theo says. Until now, he’s been walking next to me, staring at the ultrasound picture of the baby sucking her finger with an amazed grin, nearly bumping into walls and people.
I shake the doubts out of my head and try to focus on what Theo is saying.
“To be honest, I’ve been thinking of the baby as this almost genderless…concept. I know it sounds weird, but I think it hasn’t really hit me yet that they’ll…she’ll be out at some point. A little baby girl…” I clutch my stomach and feel a faint movement inside.
“It’s incredible. What you can do, I mean. Being able to create life. I’ve never realized how mind-blowingly complex it is. And how much the pregnant person endures. It’s unreal!”
We lock eyes for a fleeting moment. The intensity of his gaze is almost too much, but not in a bad way. In a ‘making my heart flutter and my face grow hot’ way.
“Anyway, I suppose I should start picking out names. I want something…” I go quiet, embarrassment flushing through my chest at the word I want to use.
It’s silly. The whole idea that she’s the thing that saved me. It almost feels wrong to put her in that position. She’s more than an excuse for me not to have broken down after what happened, but I will never be able to put into words how much her being here, no matter the reason, means to me.
Theo stops in the doorway out of the obstetrics unit, holding it open for me, and raises his brows, still waiting for me to finish the sentence. I watch that lovely face of his, and it hits me he might be the only person I don’t actually feel embarrassed around voicing it, so I do. “Something whimsical. Whimsical and meaningful. Not just a boring,normalname.”
“Like Sam?” he says with a grin, and I burst out laughing.
“Yeah. Nothing like Sam,” I say with a roll of my eyes.
I walk through the door and wait for him to catch up with me on the other side. Theo studies my expression, clearly pleased by my lingering amusement, and hands me the sonogram picture back. “I do love your name, though. It suits you.Sam.”
I like the sound of it from his lips. It comes out so effortlessly. Like pouring honey. Always gently. With careand affection.
For whatever reason, I find myself just standing there, mere inches away, staring at him. The lovely food he cooked for me still sits in my stomach. The enthusiasm he showed today has made me feel like I’ve been living through a regular experience like everybody else. Like those loving couples who decided to bring new life into the world, nothing but happy and secure and content.
I part my lips, drawing in the scent of his pheromones. They’re faint. I can tell he’s minding himself every time he’s around me. Alphas usually smell stronger, even when they just go about their day. They can’t help it. Their powerful, rousing scent is supposed to draw people like me in. It’s meant to be magnetic and alluring to attract omegas on the most primitive, innate level. Offering everything that matters in life.
Protection, care…Connection.
For the first time since the moment that shattered my world, I let myself be pulled in. Because…I want to. Theo’s eyes narrow and fixate on me as I lean closer. I swallow hard, suck in a deep breath, and when I exhale, I move toward those luscious lips of his.
I take his mouth in a hot kiss. The press of his lips against mine is somehow soft and solid all at once, and it sends a burst of electricity down my spine, out to the very tips of my toes. Heat surges through me when his tongue slips over the seam of my mouth, asking—gently, so very gently—to be let in.
And by god, I open for him. A needy, pathetic moan escapes me as I close my eyes. Theo kisses me back. He kisses me back hungrily and tenderly, and his scent invades my senses.
It’s only when his hands hesitantly rest against my hipsthat I break the kiss, waking up from whatever dream I voluntarily stumbled into.
With a strangled gasp, I pull away until my back meets the wall.
“I…”
What the fuck am I doing?Friends. We are supposed to be friends. And I just…
Theo’s hands go up between us in a calming gesture. Even though he looks almost as spooked as I feel, he puts on that caring mask with admirable swiftness. “Hey, that’s…that’s alright! This isn’t a big deal, really,” he assures me with a smile. “All those pregnancy hormones…I get it! You’re all over the place, you’re stressed out and tired, and it-it didn’t mean anything.”
I nod slowly, even as the world still spins around me.
