Page 57 of Thorns That Bloom
I nod and stand to get on the examination table. “You can…watch. I don’t need you to hold my hand,” I say quietly as I turn to Theo, because he looks like he’s willing to do exactly that.
“Okay.”
The doctor puts on her gloves and prepares the machine while I hesitantly lift my shirt and get ready for the cold sensation. Theo stands on my left, across from the doctor,holding onto the edge of the table.
It makes me feel unusually vulnerable having him see my bare bump. I don’t know why. And now he’s going to see my baby—the only other person to do so besides me and the doctor.
The heat that thought pulls toward my face quickly dissipates with the cool gel she squirts on my skin. Flashing her an affirmative smile, I move my attention to the machine’s screen, excited to see the little one again.
The doctor moves the probe around before the rhythmic lull of my baby’s heartbeat breaks the suspenseful silence. I smile widely, immediately set at ease all the way to my core.
“There they are,” she says. “And…oh! Would you look at that!” Before I have the time to panic about her finding some problem, the doctor turns to me and wheels the machine closer to the table. “We don’t catch this very often. Do you see? The baby is sucking their thumb. Here.”
After some adjusting on my stomach, she stills her hand and…I see it. The fuzzy, grainy image of the baby on the screen, curled up, with their thumb in their mouth.
That’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life. Tears swell up behind my eyes, and I barely manage to hold them back.
“Oh my god. They do that?” Theo exclaims next to me. I almost forgot he’s here, and when I turn to him, my heart hiccups. He’s leaning over me slightly to see the monitor, lips spread wide and eyes shining with the purest, most genuine wonder.
“Oh, yes,” the doctor says, clearly pleased with his interest. “The baby's doing lots of things right now. Swallowing, makingfaces, even pedaling with their little feet, which Sam is surely aware of.”
I nod, putting my hand over my mouth as I try to get a hold of my emotions.
“Wow.”
“Their brain is developing at an incredibly fast rate at this point in time. The baby can track light, process information from their five senses, and... Oh, let me take a picture for you before they move! What a lovely memory to have,” the doctor mutters, quickly doing whatever she does on the machine to produce an image.
I’m still all gooey and teary-eyed by the time she’s done with the usual measurements. “Everything’s looking and measuring exactly as it should, Mr. Snyder. From what I can tell, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.”
“Good,” I say with a sigh of relief. “That’s good.”
“Indeed. Before I wipe you down, have you changed your mind on knowing the gender, or are we still leaving it a surprise?”
Even the baby stirs inside me in response to the question. Catching my breath, I tighten my hold on the shirt I’m holding rolled up and dart my eyes across the screen. Without thinking, without understanding why, the next place I look is Theo. As if, subconsciously, I’m primed to go tohimfor advice.
He still seems so excited. His brows are raised, and his eyes buzz with energy like he’s on some drug. “Do you not want to know?” he asks, his voice low and understanding, with a hint of curiosity.
I blink and let out a trembling exhale. “I-I do,” I whisper.
“It’s not like it really matters, does it? As long as thebaby’s healthy.”
The carefree way he says it touches something within me. He’s right. It doesn’t really matter. It changes nothing. Why did I worry it would? “You’re right,” I say, almost to myself, and finally meet the doctor’s gaze. “I’d…like to know the gender, if that’s okay.”
The doctor smiles, shifting the probe against my skin again. She moves for a few moments to find the right position. “To confirm the notes I’ve already made after one of your previous anatomy scans… Here, you can see quite clearly that you’re having a baby girl.”
If oxygen filled my lungs before, now it’s all helium, expanding rapidly and filling my chest with joy.A baby girl.I feel like I could float away with happiness, and also like I’ve never had deeper roots in this world, in this life.
My girl. I’ve never loved anything or anyone more. I’ve never understood the meaning of the word properly until now.
“Oh,” is all that comes out, because words don’t do it any justice.
“A girl,” Theo whispers, looking down at me. His eyes soften as he meets mine, and for a moment, I swear I see him tearing up just as I do.
I smell his pheromones. They wrap around me like a blanket; intense but comfortable. When I blink and look down, I notice that—somehow, some way—he’s holding my hand and…I just let it happen.
“Have you given any thoughts to names?” the doctor asks while wiping my stomach.
A girl. My little girl. It keeps sounding inside my head like a lullaby. “Not really,” I mumble, dazed.
