Page 44 of Thorns That Bloom
Sighing and rubbing the back of my neck, I turn back at him to make sure he’s not just faking being okay for the sake of his ego. He’s holding his hand up in the towel, his gaze a little distant, but the second he notices my attention, his eyes light up, and he smiles as if to soothe me. And goddammit, it makes me feel all…weird.
When we get to my car, I point for him to sit in the passenger seat, and he hesitantly obliges. The moment I turn on the engine, my mind starts swirling. It’s like there is a tornado in there.
I want to tell him how angry it makes me that he acts so damn careful. How it’s the exact thing I wanted to avoid—being treated like this delicate, broken, sad little thing. I want to tell him how violated I felt when I found out he knew about what happened, that he’d kept it to himself while waltzing around me, using it to his advantage.
But to each of those perfectly reasonable issues, this other, irrational part of me retorts with a completely opposing counterargument.
Isn’t alphas being cautious around meexactlywhat I wanted? What I need most of all? Isn’t that the reason I can handle being alone in a car with him without my mind going to those awful scenarios it makes up when I’m close to any other alpha? That I feel fairly safe with him, which is huge, as Dr. Stewart would say? That the scent of his pheromones doesn’t send that horrible, prickling sense of panic throughout the tips of my fingers?
And how was he supposed to tell me? He said he’sheard whispers and put things together. I guess my behavior in the restroom was hysterical enough for him to connect the dots. I knew there would be some gossip. Knew it would come out at some point, or at least in bits and pieces. So how is ithisfault that the information got to him?
Did I expect him to walk up to me straight away, going, ‘Hey, I heard you got raped by a bunch of alphas, is that true?’.
I’m slowly going crazy, arguing with myself like a lunatic, until Theo’s voice snaps me back into reality. “I didn’t do it on purpose, you know,” he whispers as I’m driving out of the parking lot and turning to merge onto the highway. Thankfully, because of my appointments, I know the way to the hospital well.
Struggling not to let every emotion inside me show, I give him a measured glance. “What?” I frown, quickly realizing the ridiculous implication. “Didn’t injure yourself in the hopes that I would be around and offer to take you to the hospital? Yeah, no shit. That would be mental, and it would require you to have the ability to see the future.”
I tighten my grip on the wheel, reminding myself that he’s just trying to be thoughtful. Iwaspretty freaked out the last time we saw each other.
“I just…don’t want you to think I’m some stalker,” he says, head hung down, and chuckles sadly. His voice is low, vibrating from somewhere at the back of his throat. “I know you don’t like me. It’s fine. Still, I’m really thankful you’re driving me and…” He stops himself, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to continue.
Furrowing my brows, I glance at him. He’s just staring at his hand, wrapping the towel tighter around his wrist so noblood can get out.
“And…?”
His pheromones hit my nose again, and a faint shiver ghosts down my spine. They’re weak and not as rich. He’s clearly nervous.
“And I’m happy,” he admits shyly. “To be able to see you again. And the baby. It…seems to be growing well.” His gaze shifts to my stomach. There’s an earnest expression on his face when he studies it. It makes me uneasy how…absolute it is. “Not that— Not that you look fat or anything,” he blurts quickly, looking up at me, his eyes wide and panicked. “You look great. Just in a purely…normal way. I’m not coming onto you, I’m just saying that…it looks like you and the baby are doing well, that’s all.”
I face away so that he can’t see the amused smirk his anxious rambling causes. I can’t help myself; he’s being so damn…
“I don’t dislike you,” I say after a moment, just as we pass the shopping center about a quarter of the way to the hospital.
When I look back at him, that idiotic, childish joy is plastered all over his face again, like it was when I called him to me in the cafeteria. With that ruffled hair, lighter at the tips and going dirty blond toward the roots, and those big blue eyes, he looks like the personification of sunshine. Only now, his cheeks don’t have that healthy pinkish undertone. They’re a little duller, probably because of the blood loss or the generalfinger coming offtype of discomfort.
Here I am. The exact place I knew I had to get to.
Ineedto bring it up again: the stuff he told me in the restaurant before it got completely derailed by my trauma. Stuff I can’t just ignore or bury my head in the sand about. It’snot fair to him. Whether or not I like to deal with it, he’s another human being with feelings, and what he told me about those feelings was…a lot.
“You’re not still holding onto that fated mates idea, are you?”
I can’t bear to meet his eyes, so I look ahead. Still, the weight of his gaze is on me. The silence says more than enough, too. “Would it make you feel better if I said I’m not?” he asks, half serious, but we both know the answer already.
Sighing, I rub my forehead.
What am I supposed to do with this mess? How do I fucking explain to him?
I tense my jaw in frustration. “You can’t— Look…if that stuff were true, if fated mates were real, it wouldn’t be me. It would be somebody who’sgoodfor you.” My voice dips down at the end, like it can’t carry the weight of the words coming out. I swallow and take a deep breath, unsure why it feels so hard to continue. “Not somebody with a laundry list of issues, carrying another man’s child.”
It needs to be done. I have to say these things to make him understand, no matter how badly it hurts.
Knowing we don’t have that much time before we get to the hospital, I check his reaction, even if I’d rather stare ahead and act like he isn’t there. Theo’s eyes are glazed over in a way that makes my heart skip a beat. He’s looking at me like someone praying for a miracle, someone hopeless and desperate and raw.
“I…” He opens his mouth but quickly closes it again. Tightening his grip around his injured hand, he lets out a frustrated snicker as he clearly struggles to find words. “I don’t want you to think I’m saying this to convince you or pressure you, I— Just let me say this, please?” I nod immediately, unable to resist those puppy eyes of his. “My dads are both omegas.”
I raise my eyebrows.Unusual.
“Yeah, I know. Exactly. They’re two omegas who always knew that they wanted their own children. So they tried. They tried and tried and tried. Everyone knows how hard it is for two male omegas to conceive. Some said my dad might as well have tried to knock up a male beta,” he notes with a faint chuckle before looking back at me with a spark in his eye, “but they did it. After so many years of people telling them it wouldn’t happen, and that it was impossible, they did it. Had twins. My sister and I. Medical journals were written about them. You can look it up,” he assures me.
