Page 32 of Thorns That Bloom
“I told him I’m not looking to date.”
Dr. Stewart shifts in her seat. “It might not be about that for him.” But Theo had looked taken aback when I said it. Disappointed, even. Was that all in my head? “It might just be who he is and how he treats people.” Yeah, sounds too good to be true. “Or it could be something more. This is clearly weighing on you, so maybe consider talking to him again when you’re in a public, safe place, where you feel confident, and ask. That way, you won’t need to rack your mind about it.”
Sighing, I lean against the armrest of the couch.
For the rest of the session, we talk about my week, how I’m managing work and other mundane things. Angel tells me that not every therapy session must devolve into tackling the most traumatizing, difficult topics, and some end up focusing on the more everyday concerns. She says we will take it as it goes and focus on what comes naturally, and I like that. I like not having to worry, with my stomach in knots, about coming here.
I leave lighter than I walked in. Even if one thing—one person, rather—keeps floating at the forefront of my mind, and to my horror, he doesn’t burden me with his presence as much as he should.
Chapter 10
Sam
For the next few days, I keep checking the door to my office, subconsciously anticipating Theo turning up, but he doesn’t. Maybe my note was enough to tell him to back off, even without actually meaning to. Or maybe I’m expecting him for no reason. Perhaps I saw more in it than it was, and like Dr. Stewart said, he’s only a giving, thoughtful guy being nice.
The rest of the work week passes quietly. That is, besides me noticing how frequently I have to go to the toilet, and already getting annoyed by it.The joys of pregnancy.
Still, I wouldn’t change it for anything.
When I next go down for lunch with Kristoff, I feel myself becoming jittery, but not in the usual, anxiety-driven way. We sit down, eat, and my eyes keep flickering to the other side of the room while I zone out what the people around me are talking about. Finally, like I’ve found what I’ve been looking for without realizing it, I notice Theo at his regular table, and my heart hiccups inside my chest in response.
I look down sharply before there’s a chance he can meet my eyes, and poke my fork into my potatoes, feeling thatfluttering in my stomach again.
Should I go say hi?
The suspicious part of me says I should leave it and stay away, to be cautious, but the old me wouldn’t care. The old me would have gone to him and maybe even followed this unexplainable impulse to see him smile again. After all, I need positive alphas around me, and, well, right now, I can’t think of any better candidate.
I don’t get the courage to act until there’s nothing left on my plate to distract myself with. Finally, I stand up and tell the others I’m taking my tray back, which is half the truth. Wishfully, I crane my head as I walk, hoping to still see him there.
Theo’s chatting with his coworkers, carefree, his charming smile on display.
He looks so young when he smiles, like some kid unspoiled by the world. I don’t even know how old he is. I know nothing about him.
It might be just a coincidence, or he senses that he’s being watched, but when I hesitantly walk back toward my table, Theo’s head jerks to the side, and his intense gaze finds me.
Feeling something jolt inside me, I raise my hand in a timid wave. Theo blinks, eyes wide, and waves back. He seems to panic in his silly sort of way, looking down at his plate, scanning his tray. He then quickly stands up with it. I suppress a smirk tugging at the corner of my lip. There’s still food on his plate, but something tells me he’s trying to act like he’s done so that he has an excuse to come and talk to me.
This is so damn stupid. Endearing, but…stupid. Then again, my romantic pursuits always kind of were.
I catch myself, surprised by my own thoughts.Romantic? No, no, this isn’t what that is, you hormonal idiot.
And yet, the way Theo’s face lights up more and more the closer he gets to me, and how he dropped everything the second he saw me, makes me want to see it that way. Whispers to me that there’s no other way to look at it.
“Hey,” he says once he stops in front of me. Thankfully, he saves me from making conversation with his abrupt, energetic questions that pour out like streaming water. “How are you feeling? Everything okay with, um, you and the baby?”
Smiling faintly, I rest my hand over my belly, like I’ve been doing, as if it’s my emotional support animal or something, and nod. I expected people to act differently toward me, and they definitely do, but no one asks about the baby so genuinely and with such interest as he does. Even though it’s still inside me, it’s as if Theo sees us as two separate beings, rather than me just like a walking incubator.
“We’re both fine, yeah.”
“That’s good. Really good,” Theo says, nodding to himself and shifting on his feet.
Every time our eyes lock, he holds my gaze for only a few seconds before evading it again. But then it’s like he can’t bear to stay away, so he glances at his feet and back at me.
“When I was returning—” As the words start coming out of my mouth, I realize that Theo might not know about my voyage to Manufacturing, or that I was looking for him under the guise of giving back the plate, and I can feel my face flushing.Shit. Redirect.“Anyway, you were sick? Feeling better, I take it.”
His brows shoot up. “Oh, yeah. It was nothing serious. Justa personal…thing. I’m totally fine now,” he blurts out, almost all at once. “Nothing you could get from me or anything. I know it can be bad for the baby to catch a cold and stuff when pregnant, so…yeah, all good.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “Good. Just wanted to make sure.” I look around as I talk and notice some of the people from his table watching us. For some reason, it makes me more uneasy than the scent of coconut faintly drifting away from Theo, so I step back with a polite expression and nod. “Alright. See you around.”
