Page 26 of Thorns That Bloom
“Are you reading about that fated mates bullshit again?You becoming a dualist or something? Please, don’t. I can’t stand religious nuts.”
“I’m not joining the dualists,” I say sharply, pushing the words through my clenched teeth.
Most of the time, Ben is fine, decent company. A good work buddy. Yeah, we hang out outside of it from time to time, but he isn’t exactly someone I would confide in or call for help. Moments like these, I’m reminded that he’s a good ten years older than me and probably sees me the same way—a kid who’s fun to be around at work, to pass the time while spending half our lives here, but that’s about it.
“Do you gotta keep mocking me about this? I’m just reading.”
Like he realizes I’m serious, which I’m not that often, his expression softens. Sighing, he leans onto my shoulder. “Alright, alright,” he says, making a face that somewhat conveys he’s apologetic.
Frowning and pursing my lips, I stick my phone into my pocket. “I’m going back,” I say and head for the manufacturing floor. I wish I had someone to talk about this, but everyone I know would think I’m losing my mind.
Ben catches up with me.
“Come on, man! I’m just messing with you. It’s weird seeing you this focused all of a sudden, that’s all. You’re always all chatty and jokey on breaks, but now you keep staring into your phone. It’s unsettling.”
For whatever reason, the way he says it makes me chuckle. “Are you saying I’m thinking too much for your liking?”
Ben snorts. “Right. We all like you here like my wife likes you—a cute little entertaining dumbo. Pondering fated matesand other serious shit doesn’t suit you.” He leans in with a playful wink.
I burst out laughing, nearly tripping as we walk through the door onto the main floor. I guess he really is apologetic, bringing out his wife like that. Being a beta married to an omega, he does get kinda insecure about it sometimes. “Did you just call me cute?” I ask with a grin, dropping my voice like it’s some dirty secret.
Discomfort flashes over his face, but the way he frowns is good-natured. “Tsk. Purely platonic. Like you don’t know, pretty boy,” he mutters, a hint of jealousy hidden somewhere behind his words.
Smirking, I glance to the side at him.
It’s not like I can be mad at him. Fated mates is a concept unique to the venusfolk. I didn’t even realize it might be upsetting to him because of that implication. An implication that it’s something he could never have with his wife. “It’s all good,” I say softly before I break away from him and go sit in my spot.
It’s true that I’ve been distracted, maybe to a concerning degree. But it’s all I can think about, and I don’t know how to make it stop.
Sitting in front of my machine, I quickly settle into my rhythm—moving parts, putting things together, getting into the mindless yet focused cycle.
At the back of my mind, Sam is still there. He’s been a permanent feature of it ever since I saw him. That’s not normal. I know it isn’t.
So it must be something like the fated mates shit, no matter how ridiculous that sounds. No matter how littlereasonable evidence there is behind it. No matter how few people take it seriously.
Because what else is it if not that? Am I just losing my mind? Did something click wrong inside my head? I can’t believe that. I don’t want to believe that, because that would make me nothing but some crazy stalker.
What else could I call this gnawing, ever-present need to get close to him? To see him and hear his voice and smell his scent and learn more about him? Even after he very clearly told me he isn’t interested.
It hurt. Not at all in that ego-bruising way. It just…hurthurt.
Not like he was taking away something I deserve to have, or something that is mine, but more like some huge cosmic injustice.
I can’t even be sure of myself anymore. Was it really a hint of hesitancy in his eyes when he said it? Did he say it only because I’m a stranger? Because…someone harmed him in some horrible way? And if the child in his belly is a result of that, it wasn’t too long ago. A few months, maybe.
A lot of people, Ben included, would be telling me to run for the hills if they suspected what I suspect. If they knew how much I just want to get closer to Sam, they'd call me insane. But I still want to.
Oh, I want to be around him so damn bad. Even if I’m like the moon, orbiting him from a distance. That’s fine. Perfectly fine.
The moon exists for no other reason than to rotate around and benefit the Earth. It serves it, gives it light in the dark. I can do that. Maybe that isexactlywhat I’m here for. To…help him in this difficult time, somehow.
Even if I have to wait a long, long time to maybe come in actual contact, to inch close enough for impact, I can deal with that. If we’re really made for each other—if there’s something special and real about this insane pull I feel toward him—then it will happen, eventually.
I nod to myself, smiling faintly. I won’t pressure him. I won’t fuck this up. It’s the only time in my life that I’ve felt something this intensely spectacular. A sensation that feels like it’s coming from somewhere outside of me. Something greater and more solid than any emotion I could conjure in my own head.
It’s the only way. But it doesn’t mean I won’t try to inch a little closer on the orbit here and there. Because there’s only so long I can struggle against that pull…
The universe throws an opportunity in front of me the very next day. Ever since I offered that one time, it seems like Madison has decided I’m nowtheperson to go to Engineering when something needs fixing.
