Page 22 of Thorns That Bloom
By the time I get home, I crave nothing more than a long, hot shower.
I stand under the running water, forehead resting against the tiled wall, and let the droplets fall across my tense, aching shoulders. I focus on my breathing. With each controlled, deep inhale and exhale, I visualize my thoughts slotting into neat, organized drawers inside my mind. Well contained. In order.
It’s good that I went to that appointment. That I made it in the first place.
Clearly, my own flimsy rationale isn’t enough to get me through this. I will have to actually listen to someone else, someone who has much more knowledge about the human psyche than I do.
Talking to Dr. Stewart felt different than with the other therapist. I didn’t feel judged at all, and it genuinely released some tension to open up a little. Even though she was probably just saying the standard things she tells everyone, her words and advice got me thinking.
She wants me to find good alpha figures to have in my life, huh?
I sigh deeply, looking at my feet. Water swirls around my toes and goes down the drain. That isn’t going to be easy, considering I barely want to have anything to do withanyone, not to mention alphas. But I can’t hide from this forever, can I?
As I close my eyes again, I see the note I found on my desk this morning in my mind’s eye. The faint scent of it comes to me, making me frown. Coconut with spices. From that alpha…Theo. I had forgotten his name before reading it, but I recalled the time he came to my office and startled me a couple of weeks ago.
I remember his young-looking face and those bright, excited eyes that studied me a little too eagerly. And Iremember seeing him in the cafeteria from time to time, his natural golden hair shining among the other heads like a crown. Well, more like a messy bird’s nest or the haircut of an up-and-coming rock star. All puffy in a cute way, like—
“God, what are you on about?” I mutter, shaking my head.
He seems like a good kid.Not all alphas want to hurt you, I remind myself. When he came to my office, he was just doing his job, and I was too anxious to even interact with much decency in return.
And in the restroom, he just wanted to help someone he thought was struggling. He couldn’t have known about my…issues.
Hey. I wanted to apologize for what happened in the toilets the other day. I wasn’t trying to make the situation worse. I thought you needed help, and instead I’ve overstepped. I swear it wasn’t on purpose. Neither was bumping into you in the cafeteria that one time. I’m really sorry. (For all of it, but obviously mainly the other thing...)
I hope you’re both feeling better.
Theo
(the dumbass from manufacturing)
I smirk to myself, thinking about how dumb it all is. My first month at this job, and I have people leaving apology letters on my table? So much for keeping a low profile and surviving with my head down.
But it’s kind of nice that he wrote it. Who writes notes these days, anyway?
I remember little from the restroom—mostly irrational panic and some blurry fragments of faces in front of me—but from what I can make out, he looked genuinely concerned. Maybe he’s just a good man. They still exist, right? Maybe I should find him and thank him for trying to help, and apologize for freaking out like that, instead of ignoring him and running away from it like I so want to.
Face my fears, being a better person, and all that…
Small steps. I can do that.
Chapter 7
Sam
The new day comes with new determination. I know how it usually goes: by the afternoon, I’m exhausted and don’t feel like talking to anyone, so my best and only chance is to catch Theo in the cafeteria. That won’t be easy in itself, and even that idea makes me a little uneasy, but I’m determined to do it.
Today it is me, Kristoff, and Jane—the woman from the main office he’s gotten fairly close to recently—going together. Kristoff being so enamored with her makes everything a lot easier. It meanssheis his primary focus and the victim of his friendly, overly enthusiastic chatter.
They barely pay attention to me telling them I’ll be right back as soon as I spot Theo’s shining head of hair in the large group of manufacturing workers coming in for lunch in their dull orange jumpsuits.
Crossing the cafeteria feels like stepping back into high school. Invisible territory lines divide the employees into their respective departments. It’s not much different from how it was in my last job, but when I walk out of the area belonging tomy peopleand toward the one filled with testosterone and alphapheromones, my gait becomes unsteady.
Gulping, I dart my eyes across the faces, fixing my gaze on Theo, and pray he looks my way so that I don’t have to come any further.
Theo talks to the other guys, grinning widely with those pretty white teeth, until he sits down and glances around. The moment his eyes meet mine—probably because I’m standing in the middle of the room—my insides twist. Instead of faltering, I awkwardly lift my hand to wave discreetly and raise my brows.
He blinks and instantly drops everything. Just like that. He stands quickly, then pauses, like he’s unsure if I really was aiming it at him. Questioningly, he points at his chest. Suppressing a smirk, I nod and indicate for him to come to me again, which he finally does.
