Page 18 of Whatever Wakes
It’s hard to breathe with this much anger (and possibly broken ribs), but I still force the words out, “You held me just far enough away—because you knew. You knew what I’d see if I got too close. That’s why you couldn’t let me in.”
The truth stings, and I can feel the tears burning behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
Ezra doesn’t say anything for a moment, but his gaze softens, just barely.
He doesn’t apologize.
He doesn’t have to.
He’ll never be sorry for any of this.
I glance out over the dark sea, the wind pulling at my hair.
I wish I could disappear into it.
Everything would be easier that way.
But instead, I’m here, freezing, hurting, and angry at the man standing beside me, steering the boat toward God knows where.
I can’t believe I let myself get close to him.
I can’t believe I let myselftrusthim.
The boat’s engine hums beneath me, steady and certain, a cruel contrast to the storm raging inside me. I have no idea where we’re going. No idea what happens next.
All I know is that I’m stuck with him.
And there’s a good chance he’ll never let me go.
“I fucking hate you,” I whisper, the words barely audible over the wind, so quiet I’m not even sure he hears them.
But then, without missing a beat, he replies, calm, unwavering, certain, "You can hate me all you want, but at least you’ll be alive to do it."
9 Monthsprior
Ezra kisses me like he’s afraid I’ll disappear.
Not at first. At first, it’s slow, his lips barely brushing against mine, like he’s savoring the moment before he gives in. Like he’s trying to convince himself he can take his time.
He can’t.
Because the second I slide my fingers into his hair, he snaps.
His hands grip my waist, pulling me closer, his body pressing against mine like he wants to burn himself into my skin. I let him. I always let him.
Because I love him.
I don’t say it. That’s not how this works. We don’t say things that make this real, that make this more. But I feel it every time he touches me, every time he looks at me like he’s memorizing every curve and freckle on my face.
I wonder if he knows I’m memorizing him, too.
His lips move to my jaw, then lower, his breath warm against my neck. I shiver, fingers tightening against his scalp, and I feel him smile against my skin.
“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, like it’s a secret.
I close my eyes, letting myself sink into him. “I know.”
Ezra chuckles, a quiet, breathy thing, and I can feel it in my chest. He’s never loved me out loud, but it’s there, in the way he holds me, in the way he lets himself laugh around me like it’s safe.
