Page 147 of Rivals
I stare at my red hands, but this time, it’s not paint. But it feels like it could be. I reach for the soap and water to scrub it away. Blood pumps so hard my ears rush with the sound as I scrub harder and harder. It won’t come off. It won’t come off! I rub harder until my hands are bright red. I look up in the mirror, and I don’t recognize myself. I don’t know who I’m looking at, except the man who failed her.I failed her.
I told her I wouldn’t leave her, and that’s exactly what I did. I should have known. I should have known it was getting worse. She took so much OBA it knocked her out. I was afraid she was doing the harder stuff. I should have done something,anything.
I scream at my reflection and punch the mirror over and over again. “Lachlan! Lachlan, stop!” The nurse yells. She says something else, but I can’t hear it over the agony screeching within me. Thick, large arms come around mine, and I shift a little.
“Alright, man. You’ve got to calm down, or we’ll have to sedate you. Take a deep breath,” the man says. I shift a little, and he squeezes me more. I take a deep breath, listening.
“Lachlan, honey, you have got to calm down. Breathe,” she says. She doesn’t say it’s going to be ok. She doesn’t say Revna will live. She just tells me to breathe, and I don’t like that. I don’t like it at all.
I finally get my breathing under control, and my hand aches from punching the glass. The man finally releases me and holds my shoulder in his firm grasp. “Are you going to lose it again if I walk away?” he asks. I shake my head no. He pats me a couple of times and then walks out of the bathroom.
The nurse lifts my hand and inspects it. I watch her touch it gingerly with her gloved fingers. “Ok, we need to get this cleaned up.” I nod, and she pulls me to an empty room by the hand. She sits my hand on the counter under a paper towel. I watch her use tweezers to pull each shard from my knuckles and fingers.
Once she’s done, she rinses it, and I hiss at the pain. Then she wraps it up tightly. “Ok, it looks like you need help with this shirt.” I don’t say anything. She gently pulls the hem up, and I let her. She tosses it into the trash, comes back with the grey one I left, and pulls it over my head. Once I get my arms through, she pulls it the rest of the way. “Alright, you’re all fixed up. I need to ask you some questions. Do you think you can do that?”
I nod again. She asks for my first and last name. She asks how I know Revna. She asks how I found her, how it happened. It doesn’t take long because there isn’t much to tell. She nods and writes it on her little clipboard. The sadness on her face makes me want to scream again, but that does nothing to help Revna now. “And do you have any contact numbers for her family?” I shake my head no. “Do you maybe know their names?”
I shake my head again and look her in the eye so she fully understands the words I’m about to say. “She doesn’t have anyone. She’s an orphan. I am all she has.” The woman snaps her mouth shut and her eyes well, then she blinks it away.
“Ok, honey, I will take you to the waiting room. I know you don’t want to hear this, and I’m not accusing anyone of anything, but the police had to be called. They will ask you some more questions there.”
I nod absently. There’s nothing more to tell. My story will be the same to whoever asks. I just want her tolive. The nurse leads the way to a small waiting room down another hallway. It’s quiet as I drop my weary body into the chair.
A moment, five minutes, or two hours, I don’t know anymore, passes, and police officers walk through the door. I glance out the window, and it’s sunny, like morning. Have I been here all night? One looks at me sadly, while the other eyes me with suspicion. They introduce themselves, and I tell them the same story over again. I’m so numb I barely recognize my own voice. I’m not even sure if my heart is still beating.
“Just so you are aware, we can’t clear any of this until we know what happened with Revna, ok?” I nod. If she doesn’t survive, I don’t care what they do to me.
After the officers left, the same nurse handed me foam a cup of water. I down it and hold the cup, making shapes into the foam with my nail. She sits there silently for a moment, then gets up to leave. The TV drones in the background, but I don’t hear it. I know I should call Betty because she’s the only other person that cares about Revna. But I don’t have my phone, and I’m not leaving for a second.
The door opens, and I pop up from my seat. The same nurse walks up to me and takes my non-injured hand. “She’s awake, and she’s going to be ok. But that’s all I can tell you.”
My hands shake, and I burst into tears. I cry so much. I didn’t know it was possible to cry this much. She’s going to be ok.She’s going to be ok.At least physically. I noticed the nurse didn’t comment on her mental state. “When can I see her?” I step towards the door, willing to bust through anything that keeps me from her.
“You can’t right now, Lachlan. Remember what I told you?”
“But I’m all she has,” my voice cracks like it’s under pressure.
“I know, sweetheart. I told you I would see what I can do, and I will. But the police have to talk to her first.” My legs almost give out under me, and I fall back into the seat. I can breathe a little easier knowing she’s awake. She survived. That’s my little bird. She is a survivor, and she always has been.
“Please, let me see her,” I beg the nurse. She pats my shoulder and leaves without a word. I get up once to pee and plant myself back in the same chair. I will not leave this godforsaken hospital until they let me see my heart. The fact it is still beating is the only reason I am still breathing.
I sit in the empty waiting room and watch how the sun hits the carpet. It slowly moves further away from me the later it gets until the sun sets. Darkness creeps in after it. The door opens, and I lift my head to see who it is. It’s the same nurse whose name I can’t find it in myself to care about. I just don’t care about anything else, and they won’t let me do anything about it.
The police come in after her, and I sit up a little more. “We spoke to Revna. She insists she did this alone, and this case is closed.” The one that seems to be playing bad cop says. I nod. Then the other guy, who’s had sad eyes since he heard me tell him what happened, speaks up, “Be there for her, man. She needs someone.” I nod again. She has my heart, body, soul, and mind. I am all hers. I will never leave or let her believe I am ever leaving her again.
The police officers accept my silence and let themselves out. “Revna is on a seventy-two-hour hold right now. She will still need to be here until the day after tomorrow. I spoke to the police officers, and they spoke to the administration. They said that because of the circumstances, and with Revna’s permission, you can go and see her.”
My chest lifts a little. “Please take me there, now.” She smiles softly and leads the way. It feels like we go down ten miles of hallways until she stops at another white metal door and opens it.
“Revna, I have someone here to see you.” Without pushing the nurse over, I burst through the door and find her in a hospital bed. She bursts into tears when she sees me and holds out her arms. An IV is attached to one, and both of her wrists are wrapped with gauze. Silent tears stream down my face as I get into the bed with her. I wrap her in my arms, and she sobs into my chest. I glance at the nurse as she takes us in, and she nods. I mouth ‘thank you’ to her, and she leaves with a quiet click of the door.
I rub my face into her hair and take a deep, long, somewhat astringent breath of her. She stutters for breath between her sobs. “I’m sorry,” she cries. “I’m so sorry, I just—“
I pull away a little so I can look her in the eyes. “Revna, baby, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re ok. You’re ok, and I love you. I’m never going to leave you. I wasn’t then, and I’m not now.” My nose burns, and I start crying again. “Please, don’t leaveme,“ I cry into her hair. She grips my ribs with her small hand.
After I get a hold of myself, I focus on Revna again. Her eyes are rimmed red, and she looks utterly and completely exhausted. I am, too. I’m sure it’s late, and sleep would be good for both of us. “Get under the covers,” she says, trying to pull them out from under me.
I kick my boots off and slide in next to her. She curls herself into me, and my chest finally eases all the tension and pressure it was holding.
