Page 122 of Rivals
We finish in the shower, and as Lachlan wraps a towel around his waist, someone knocks at the door. “I’ll get it,” he says and saunters to the door in his towel.
I finish drying off and peep my head out of the bathroom. He’s standing at the counter, unloading the giant bag of food he ordered. “Coast is clear,” he says, shoving an egg roll into his mouth. I glance at the windows and realize he already closed the blinds.
I open my dresser drawer to find it empty and move to the next one, but still nothing.Awesome. I glance at our suitcases and frown.
“You can wear one of my button-ups in the closet. If there isn’t a shirt in the drawer,” Lachlan says.
I grab a pair of his thick winter socks and find a light blue button-up. It swallows me whole, but it’s something. “I love this look, but we need to do laundry, don’t we?” Lachlan says, eyeing me up and down.
“I don’t have the energy tonight.”
He saunters over to his dresser and finds a pair of boxers to put on. “I don’t either, babe.”
After he’s mildly dressed, we grab the rest of our food to sit on the couch to watch TV. I shove some orange chicken and noodles into my mouth with the chopsticks while Lachlan surfs the channels. I look at him and realize we’ve never done this here. We’ve always been busting our butts since this competition started. We’ve been sleeping, or not sleeping, or maybe even yelling. We’ve never sat down, ate, and watched TV together here. I liked it in Italy, maybe it’s a new tradition for us. A streaming service comes on, and I gasp at Lachlan. These are a luxury.
“I sprung for it this month, got it while we were on the plane,” he says.
I wiggle in my seat, excited to watch anything. “What do you want to watch?” he asks and tosses me the remote. I scroll through the movies and TV shows and stop onThe Vampire Diaries.I hit play on episode one and glance at Lachlan. The music starts to play, and he looks up from his box.
“Really?” he says. I look around and shrug. He groans, “Fine.”
We finish our food, and episode three rolls around. I’m here to watch as much as possible, and Lachlan doesn’t seem interested in moving. He shifts around and rests his head on my lap. I play with his hair as Stefan pretends he’s in high school, and Damon pretends he doesn’t care about anyone. “Why did you pick this show?” Lachlan asks while his eyes are still on the TV. I’m not watching because I’m looking at the painting we made before we left for Italy. The smears of blue and white throw me back into that night. It felt good to be creative, and I felt it that night with Lachlan. I was clean for the first time in a long time. It’s a monument of sorts. “Babe?” I glance down at him and drag my fingers through his soft hair.
“I watched this show when it was airing on cable when I was in high school. I was sent to another home and never got to finish it.”
“Oh, well, in that case, we have to watch it all.” I scratch my fingers on his scalp, and he groans.
“You would seriously watch all of this with me?” I ask. He glances at me and then back to the TV.
“Yeah, why not? I’m in it now.” I grin and go back to the show. Not a bad first day back in reality.
***
“Ok, thank you, Betty. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, hanging up the phone. I pulled up the other thing I was looking at while we were in Italy and decided I needed to commit. I need to make every attempt I can to get better, and this is how I can try to do that.
On Thursday nights, there is a Narcotics Anonymous meeting at a church close to my place. I may not be a crack addict, but I need to be honest with myself. I have a problem. I know, I have known that, but I’ve never had a good enough reason to care.
I’m not over what happened with my mom. The fact that I’ve been grieving someone I didn’t know feels wrong. But doing drugs won’t make me deal with it any better. It will just push it down, like Lachlan said. It’s going to come out, and I won’t have an ounce of control over it.
I have to try.
Chapter 73
Revna
Iwalkinthroughthe large wooden doors I’ve only been in once. Since I’ve seen some of the most beautiful churches and cathedrals in the world, this one just pales in comparison. A sign points down the hallway for NA. I follow the arrows and walk into a room that smells like old coffee and stale sugar. A few people are already seated while an older woman is unfolding chairs in a circle.
There’s a folding table set up with coffee and donuts off to the side. A man about my age stirs his coffee slowly with measured flicks of his wrist. I grab a cup to do something with my hands, trying to keep them from shaking.
Fear has no place in your heart, Revna. You are safe here.
The voice I haven’t heard in forever speaks as clearly as if someone was talking in my ear. I jump a little but manage to make it look like I was shifting on my feet. I get a few looks, but no one looks at me like I grew another head, so I guess that’s a step in the right direction. I hope the voice is right.
“Alright, it is seven-fifteen. Let’s get started. Thank you all for coming. This is NA. If you’re looking for AA, you should get your eyes checked,” a man says. No one laughs at his joke. Everyone looks everywhere but at each other. I stare at the man closely. He’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt with stylish sneakers. He doesn’t look like he’s touched drugs or maybe even alcohol. He seems so clean, as if life hasn’t tried to stab him in the heart a thousand times.
“Well, I tried. As many of you know, or for those who don’t…” He glances at me. “This is anonymous. You do not have to share your name if you don’t want to. There is no attendance here. We want you here if you want to be here. But since you are here, you should all be proud of yourselves. It’s a step in the right direction. Whatever you say is safe. We aren’t going to go out and tell someone your story. What is said in this room stays in this room. You are welcome to share at any time.”
I look around the room, wondering what we are supposed to do next. He said we don’t have to introduce ourselves. Is there a homework sheet or something we fill out?
