Page 19 of Decoded
“Well excuse me for not believing you. Actions speak louder than words, Keaton. There is nothing you can say to take away the way I felt when I woke up and you weren’t there. I don’t want to speak to you. I don’t want you to speak to me. We are going to fly home and go our separate ways. Do you understand?”
He looks at me with sad eyes, his mouth opening like he’s prepared for rebuttal, but eventually he nods and leans back against his seat and I do the same. The flight attendants go through their safety procedures and we head to the runway. Noticing the man beside me is white knuckling his armrests as we go to take off, against my better judgment, I reach out to hold his hand through it, providing him with a comfort he doesn’t deserve.
His body instantly relaxes at my touch and my heart pulls in his direction. It’s really hard to hate this man, but the pain I felt the morning after we said those vows is coursing through my veins and powering my fury. It takes everything in me to fight the desire to keep my hand on his even when we’re in the air and above the clouds. But the memories of me sitting in that incredible hotel suite alone remind me why I have to do it. I remove my hand and place it on my lap, then turn to look back out the window.
Letting go of his hand allowed me to release so many things that were keeping a firm grip on my heart. I let go of the desirethat filled me with his touch. I let go of the sweet memories we created with one another. I let go of the hope and dreams of a future with this man. I let go of my husband.
Chapter fourteen
Keaton
T
he mild panic attack I’m currently breathing through has nothing to do with my fear of flying and everything to do with the fact I’ve lost the woman who means so much to me. I sure as hell didn’t expect to come across a beautiful woman on an airplane that I would eventually want so badly I decided to dedicate my life to her, but it happened all the same.
And then I went and fucking blew it.
I knew it was naive, but a part of me thought maybe she would simply listen to what happened and realize that I didn’t mean to leave her the way I did. That it was just all a big misunderstanding. But the other part knew if I hadn’t heard from her yet, there was a good chance she was livid with how I left things.
But I wasn’t prepared for the devastating blow when her first reaction to seeing me was trying to get the hell away. Seeing rage instead of lust or care in her eyes when she saw me in the seat beside hers sent an eerie chill through my body. I never wanted Anna to look at me in that way. And I would do anything to makesure she never looked at me like that again. Though, if she had it her way right now, she would never look at me period.
When my brothers discovered Anna Laura Keith would be on this flight coming home from Vegas, we managed to do some light hacking and make it where I would be seated beside her. There was only one seat remaining on this flight, but there was no way I was letting a man named Phil from Arkansas sit next to my wife, so he just luckily managed to score an upgrade. I’m sure he is much happier now sitting up in first class.
Now if only Anna was happy to be sitting next to me.
As the plane begins to ascend, I grip the armrests. I hate flying with a passion, but I’d fly hundreds of times if it meant she would give me another chance. I suck in deep breaths through my nose and release them out my mouth, trying to practice the exercises I’ve learned through the years. They don’t really help. Nothing helps. But then the softest hand caresses my skin and rests on top of my own. I look beside me, hoping to stare into Anna’s gorgeous greens, but she’s staring out the window. She may refuse to look at me right now, or to even speak to me, but I smile all the same. The simple touch by my kind wife has given me something even more than comfort. It’s given me hope.
The flight home is painfully silent and as much as I want to say something to her, it’s not fair for me to try and force her into a conversation when she has no opportunity to leave. So I sit there, stealing glances at my beautiful woman who exchanged vows with me only two nights ago, whenever I know she isn’t looking. The only contact we have is when she reaches over once more while we descend. How I managed to find an angel on my way to the city of sin, I have no idea, but I remember to thank God that I did.
As everyone files off the plane, I notice how she manages to push herself forward so there’s distance between us. Once we’reback in the airport, she moves in a hurry. I have no doubt she’s trying to rush out of my life, but I can’t let her go just yet.
“Anna, wait, please.” We’re in the terminal as I call to her and I’m thankful since it’s a small airport and late at night, there’s not many people around to witness me groveling and begging my wife to stay.
I don’t expect it, but Anna offers me the tiniest bit of grace. She stops. She keeps her back to me, but that’s okay. As long as she can hear my words, maybe I still have a chance. “Baby,” I watch her back tighten and quickly correct myself.
“Anna. I know you’re upset with me, and I know that you have every right to be. What I did was wrong and it was not the way I wanted to leave things between us. If I’m being honest, I didn’t want to leave you at all, and I still don’t.” Her shoulders begin to soften, and I want nothing more than to cradle her into my body, but I respect her too damn much to invade her space like that and go against her wishes.
“I know you probably want nothing to do with me right now. And I know that right now could be for a really long time. But I want you to know I’ll wait for you. I will wait as long as it takes for you to forgive me. Do you know why?”
She doesn’t react.
“I will wait, because you are my wife. Because you are worth it. Because I want nothing more than to know what it’s like to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. To know what it’s like to kiss your lips good morning, goodbye, and goodnight. I will wait because you’re it for me, Anna. So, when you decide to stop making me wait, give me a call. I’ll answer so damn fast and meet you wherever you are.”
I want to see her walls crumble down. I want to see her turn to me, with the desire I know she once felt. But I don’t get that. Instead, Anna lets out a huff, fisting her hands onto those wide hips of hers I want so badly to grasp.
“Give you a call? A call, Keaton? And how the hell do you think I can manage that? I searched everywhere for a note or something from you, so of course, like a lovesick puppy, I checked my phone. There’s not a Keaton listed anywhere in it.”
Her angry eyes pool with tears. My heart twists in that moment, mimicking the pain I know she had to feel thinking I had lost all desire for her the morning I left. Anna hating me isn’t at all what I want, but I understand now just how much I deserve it.
“It’s under your name for me, Baby. It’s under Husband.”
I watch Anna’s jaw drop ever so slightly as she processes my words. I can’t determine if the red in her cheeks is there from the anger over me calling her the pet name I love to say so often, or a flush of heat at remembering how incredible we are together and the promise we made in a little chapel that one night. I want to cup that smooth crimson skin of hers and pull it to me so I can kiss the pain and shock away. But I don’t. As much as it hurts to see Anna standing there in front of me, just an arm’s reach away, I know what I have to do for a second time. I leave my wife.
“So, how was the flight?” Camden asks. We’re sitting at our favorite booth in Kalli’s Corral, our one and only local bar here in Cheatham. A tumbler with two fingers of bourbon sits on thetable in front of me and with the shape I’m in, I know I’ll be drinking down a few more.
“She wouldn’t even look at me,” I confess. When I got home after the best and worst long weekend of my life, I allowed myself to wallow in the grief over losing Anna. I’m constantly looking at my phone, hoping she calls or texts. Anything to offer me some sort of hope that she hasn’t completely let me go.
“It’s for the best, brother,” Lincoln tips his beer in my direction like we’re celebrating my broken heart. I know his ex, Nicole, left him, their baby, and this town behind, but the way he’s been looking for someone to replace her ever since has me surprised at his defeatist attitude. I shake my head at him and try to focus on something other than the woman I fell so quickly for and lost even faster.
