Page 72 of Home Field Advantage
“Dallas,” she whispers, unable to find the words as many people are when I tell them the story.
“Don’t say the words, Poppy.” I smirk, and her cheeks pink. “It’s actually the reason I’m here in Bluestone Lakes.”
“Huh?”
“After the accident, I continued playing for a little over a year. I hid the pain from trainers, my coach, my family, and my teammates. I was terrified of losing the game I grew up playingand loved. I was afraid to know life without it. After everyone found out, I was forced into early retirement. The game was over. Playing was no longer an option for me. I wasn’t ready to accept that yet, so when the opportunity arose to coach the same team I was forced to leave, I said yes without a second thought. I wasn’t thinking about my family, Sage, or anyone else but me.”
I swallow past the ball of emotions lodged in my throat. The memory strikes a nerve, and I fight to keep it in check because the last thing I want to show Poppy is that I’m a weak man.
“I jumped into that role without getting over my loss of the game. It only snowballed into all these feelings I couldn’t comprehend. I was a shit coach. They deserved better than me. I was an even shittier dad because I still wasn’t there for Sage when I should have been, because I still decided to put the game first. I?—”
I stop myself there because I feel like I’ve said far too much. I didn’t beg for Poppy to stay and have breakfast with us for me to dump all my past trauma on her lap.
But weirdly, it feels good to get that out.
It feels good to have someone listen to me.
“On the night of the accident, I wasn’t thinking about anything other than a big game we had coming up when I got in the car, so my brain was in overdrive. Just as it was when I said yes to coaching the team. Hence why I’m here. To get out of the city and clear my head a little bit.”
“I can relate to that a little bit.”
“The big game?”
She blushes. “Total honesty here? I don’t know much about sports.”
“You wound me, Poppy Barlow,” I say with a hand to my chest.
She laughs again. “More so about the brain being in overdrive. Except mine is like thatall the time.”
Leaning forward on the table, to bring myself as close as I can, despite the table between us. “Is it in overdrive right now?”
She bites down on her bottom lip and nods.
“I can relate tothat.”
She cocks her head to the side. “How so?”
“Sitting here, with you, is sending my brain spinning, Poppy,” I admit. “You’ve been doing that since I first met you in the coffee shop. There’s something about you, and you’ve flooded every thought in my head since then.”
She swallows, eyes wide. “Since the coffee shop?”
I nod. “And every time I’ve seen you after that, it has only intensified. Then, when I found out you were Sage’s teacher…” I shake my head, reliving the memory and how shocked I was to see her sitting there. “It should have forced the thoughts out of my head. Knowing I’m older than you should have stopped the thoughts. Knowing that I’m not the man you deserve should have stopped them. I’m working on controlling this impulsive behavior I seem to have, where I act before thinking things through. But I can’t fucking stop with you. I know it’s wrong, but if it helps easeyourracing thoughts, just know it’s driving me crazy, too.”
“Dallas. You shouldn’t feel those things for me.”
“Why? Is it because of Sage and you being her teacher?”
She shakes her head, wringing her hands in her lap and nervously looking anywhere but at me. “Because I’m not who you think I am.”
“You’re not a criminal, Poppy.”
A light laugh bubbles out of her, and she finally looks at me again. “I wouldn’t be a teacher if I were. But I’m different from a lot of women you’ve been with.”
Her features soften with the last words out of her mouth.
I’d love nothing more for her to elaborate, but I fear I’ve said too much this morning and don’t want to push her into dumping her thoughts on me the same way I just did.
She sighs. “My brain works differently than most people, and sometimes it consumes my life.”
