Page 80 of That First Night
“No, Mother. And I have no plans to speak to her, either. She signed her rights over to me,” I add in a much angrier tone than I have ever spoken to my mom with before. “She wants no part in James’ life and I, frankly, don’t want her a part of ours, either.”
“I don’t understand why, Tommy!” She throws her arms in the air and adds in an eye roll for more dramatics. “Why are you so against making it work with her?”
“Do you speak to her?”
“No,” she admits. “I haven’t spoken to her since you two have been together.”
“You know nothing about what happened between us then,” I tell her as I bring my voice back down to a normal speaking level. “She left us, Mom. I tried to make it work with her for the sake of James. Ifucking tried. Do you know that she resented James? Did you know she blamed him for messing with her body when she ‘had a whole career ahead of her?’ Did you know that there was never a point in our entire relationship where I loved her?”
“I-I—” she stutters and the color drains from her face.
“I’ve never admitted this to you because I’ve never had anyone that I care about in my life,” I say as my chin falls to my chest and I avoid eye contact with her. “You know I don’t do relationships, Mom.” My eyes find hers again. “I have never been in one in my life, besides with Sheila. I wouldn’t even consider that a relationship. No one does if they are outsiders looking in.”
“But…” she attempts to continue. I hold up a hand to stop her from continuing the thought.
“I never loved her, Mom. I tried to make it work. I tried so fucking hard to fall in love with her,” I finally admit out loud. “James was never supposed to happen, but I will never fucking regret that time because he’s the greatest thing to ever happen to me.” I look her deep in the eyes and I can see sympathy fill them as she takes in everything. “Sheila was simply the product of me trying to forget someone. The truth is, I met someone about a year before I met Sheila. We had only just met and talked briefly but I knew there was something about her and I wanted to know more,” I pause, collecting my thoughts. “But I lost her when the building was evacuated and never saw her again. Sheila was just there for me to forget someone I couldn’t fucking get out of my head.”
“I had no idea,” she admits.
“Yeah, well.” I cross my arms over my chest. “Now you know.”
“Was it,” she pauses. “The girl you met before Sheila… was it Peyton?”
“Yes.” I nod. “When Emiline found someone to be a nanny for James, I had no idea who it was because Emiline didn’t tell me. I didn’t know until I showed up at the park to meet with Emiline, and Peyton was standing there.”
“Wow,” my mom says with a smile.
“You can say that again,” I let out a small laugh. “I'm sorry for yelling, Mom. I need you to know that Peyton may be James’ nanny right now, but I don’t plan on her being the nanny for much longer. I—” I cut myself off as I find myself on the verge of saying three words that I have never said to anyone other than James. “I care about her a lot.”
“Oh, honey.” My mom smiles back at me. “It sounds like it’s much more than that. I’m sorry for the way I acted. I wish you told me all this years ago. I fought so hard for you to make it work with Sheila for James. Every little boy needs their mother growing up.”
“You’re right.” I nod. “Now bring it in,” I say as I hold out my arms to bring her in for a hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all of this sooner. This isn’t how I wanted to see you for the first time since you left for Europe but I’m glad it’s out there.”
She nods into my chest as she returns my hug. “I’m happy for you, Tommy.”
“I’m happy too, Mom.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I see a figure out of the corner of my eye coming out of the house. It’s Gigi. Both my mom and I look at her and for the first time, I can see how frail she truly is. She doesn’t notice us, and my eyes move back to my mom’s, and I can see a questioning look on her face because she doesn’t know who this is.
“That’s Gigi,” I say in a low voice, so she doesn’t hear us. “Peyton’s grandmother.” My mom nods at my statement before I continue. “She’s very sick. She has stage four Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.”
“Oh, honey.” Her hands land on her chest.
Gigi approaches us and gives us a soft smile. “Hey there, handsome.” Gigi says to me.
I return her smile. “Hi, Gigi. How are you?”
“Oh, you know me.” She swats her arms in the air and laughs. “I get younger as I get older.”
“My name is Ann Marie,” my mom says as she reaches out her hand to Gigi. “It’s so nice to meet you and have you here for the weekend.”
“You can call me Gigi or Esther,” she says. “Thank you so much for having me. The shore has a special place in my heart, and I was so ecstatic when I was invited down here. You raised a good set of boys, Ann Marie. And Emiline too. She reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger.”
My mom looks at me with a proud smile on her face. “They sure are special.” She returns her look back to Gigi. “I’m heading inside to make a cup of tea, would you care for some?”
“That would be so nice.” She smiles at my mom. “I can’t drink the bottle of wine I would love to drink right now. So tea will have to do.”
My mom nods and retreats back into the house at the same time Gigi goes to stand by the porch railing and leans on it.
