Page 117 of Love, Academically
“Do you even understand what you’ve done?” she said. “Do you understand that underneath all of the sparkles and rainbows, there’s a fragile person thatyouhave destroyed, after promising that you wouldn’t?”
She sat back and waited, face stony.
“Is she all right?”
“Is sheall right? No, she’s not fucking all right, Rhys,” Jasmeet hissed. “Not only did you say the most terrible things to her, you interfered in her life. You didn’t trust that she could sort out her own shit and you went behind her back, threatening Sue’s job, talking to Doctor Dickhead. She asked you not to do that but you did. You treated her like she was some pathetic kid who couldn’t take care of herself. You put yourself as more important than her, overruled what she wanted, ignored her choices aboutherlife and then said that she wasunwanted. Fuck, Rhys.”
“I’m sorry, I—”
“Oh, he’s sorry,” Jasmeet muttered under her breath.
“Jas,” Dan said, “let him speak.”
“Fine.” It was more of a challenge than anything. “Go on then.”
Rhys took a breath.
This was awful. This was more awful than the realisation that hit him smack in the face when Lila slammed the door behind her and left his office. The realisation that he had destroyed their relationship, that he had destroyedher. Not realising at the time was half the problem and he couldn’t have stopped himself because he didn’t know what he was doing. He wasn’t aware of how his words were landing, just that his life was in ruins because of that stupid fucking moustache.
“There is nothing I can say to make up for what I’ve done,” he started. “Nothing, and I hate myself for it. I hate what I said, I hate that I treated Lila like that. I hate that I—” his throat thickened and if he wasn’t careful more fucking tears wouldcome. Rhys swallowed. “I hate that I put myself before her. I never wanted to do that.”
“Yeah, well,” Jasmeet said, sipping her wine.
“I’ve tried to fix it with Sue and Jason, but I can’t bring myself to talk to her. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to apologise.”
“Can’t bring yourself to talk to her? This isn’t about fuckingyou, Rhys. This is about her and how she’s feeling. Do you think she wants to hear from you?”
“No.”
“No, she fucking doesn’t,” Jasmeet sighed. “But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to call her, text her, anything. She thinks you’ve wiped your hands of her. Fixed your mess and moved on.”
Rhys pressed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. Hard.
“Do you love her?” Dan asked bluntly.
“Of course I fucking love her,” Rhys snapped, louder than he wanted to be. He was so far gone for her, and had been for so long. “I am literally nothing without her.”
There was silence around the table.
“Does she love you?” Dan asked. How the fuck was he supposed to know that? He desperately hoped she did. Rhys shrugged.
“Jas?” Dan asked.
Rhys turned hopeful eyes onto Lila’s best friend. If there was anyone who knew what Lila was thinking, how she was feeling, it was Jasmeet. Perhaps even more so than Lila herself.
“She hasn’t said.”
“But what do you think?”
“I think you’ve got an awful lot of ground to make up,” Jasmeet said, her mouth pinched. “I just don’t know. Could go either way.”
Rhys nodded and stared at his drink.
“I’ve got my first therapy session on Wednesday. I’ve booked three a week for the foreseeable future.”
“Yeah?” Dan said, surprised. “Good for you, man.”
“I’ve got a lot to work through.”
