Page 107 of Love, Academically
“No, she didn’t forget,” Lila spat. “She didn’t want me to do it. She didn’t think I could do that and my work.” Lila waved an arm at her office. “Sue actually said ‘I hope this won’t affect your job’, because I was a little upset that she hadn’t handed it in.”
“She was definitely supposed to?”
“Yes! You need to get a signature from your line manager and they are supposed to forward the application on to the relevant department. It’s all in the staff handbook.” She reached under the coffee table for a floppy, dog-eared copy.
“No, it’s okay, I believe you.” He stroked a thumb across her cheekbone. “I believe you.”
Lila nodded, her shoulders slumping.
“So, I’ve missed the application deadline. I won’t be doing my course this year, all because someone else didn’t believe in me, or didn’t want me to do it.” Lila shoved another cookie in her mouth, because cookies made everything better. “It’s a sign,” she said, mouth full. “I shouldn’t do it. I can’t do it.”
“No.”
She took a deep breath.
“Oh, well. Never mind. I’ll be okay.” She smiled, but it hurt. “I’ll just have a couple of wallowing days and then, you know, back to Happy Lila.”
“No.” Rhys shook his head, his lips turned down.
“What do you mean ‘no’?” Because that’s what generallyhappened when she was disappointed. A couple of days of ice cream, then back to normal.
“I don’t want you to go back,” Rhys said, a line creasing between his eyebrows. “Tell her that it’s her mistake and that she has to fix it.”
“Maybe,” she said with a conciliatory shrug. That’s what people wanted, wasn’t it, her to agree with them. She thought Rhys was different, but she was too emotionally exhausted to argue with him. It was so easy for him; see a problem, find a solution, do it. But that’s not how it worked for her, she couldn’t switch her emotions off and the fear that churned in her stomach when she had to make demands for herself probably wasn’t something he’d ever experienced. She could go to bat for any of her students, she could stand up for her friends, but herself? That was a struggle, because what if Suewasright and she wasn’t good enough to do a Masters? What if she wasn’t capable enough to go after her dream?
“Go and see her this afternoon and tell her she needs to speak to the Admissions Officer and explain her mistake.”
Amanda, the Admissions Officer who was waiting for her application, would be another person who thought she didn’t have the ambition or plain ability to get anywhere in life.
“I said ‘maybe’.” Lila stood up and closed the cookie tin, taking it back to her desk.
“I’m sorry, Lila,” he said. “I’m sorry. You do whatever you think is best. I’ll support you either way.”
She pushed her lips into a poor semblance of a smile. Whilst all he could probably see was an easy problem to get over by just having a conversation, it was much more than that to her. He needed to respect her choices, her wishes, howshedecided to deal with it. Which may be by doing nothing for a day or two, wrapping her head around the situation, building herself back up just a little, then going into battle. God, she hated battle.
“Would you like me to cook something tonight?” Rhys stood and reached for her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. “How about that creamy pasta you like?”
“Comfort Carbonara?” This time, her smile was more genuine. He’d remembered. “I’d like that.”
“Okay.”
Rhys
The anger in his veins burned ice cold.
“I’ll pick the ingredients up. Can I drive you home?”
He forced his voice to be calm, forced his hands not to shake as he cupped her face and kissed her gently on the forehead.
“Rhys, you don’t have to ask anymore,” she said wearily. “You can take me home.”
A frown flickered across his face. That’s what he wanted, to not have to ask to take her home every day, but also, he didn’t want it because she was so worn down by that fucking cretin, Sue, that she’d do whatever he said.
“Lila,” he tilted her face up to his, her eyes puffy and red. “You don’t have to humour me.”
“I want Comfort Carbonara and I want you to take me home.” Lila wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek on his chest. He splayed one hand across the centre of her back and the other nestled in the hair at the back of her head. She needed him and he was more than happy to give her exactly what she needed.
The phone on her desk rang, jerking them out of their little reverie.
