Page 48 of A Duke to Undo her
“If I had taken you that night, you could have been ruined, Josephine. I don’t know if you even fully understand the consequences you could have faced. You could have borne a child from me, in disgrace. I would not do that to any woman, but particularly not to…not to someone I… someone like you. I am imperfect, but I am no blackguard.”
Josephine’s rational mind understood, but her heart rebelled at his words.
“Why must it be wrong?” she protested. “Why must something so wonderful be forbidden? It can’t be true.”
“Oh, Josephine. I wish it wasn’t true. I have never met a woman like you. Whenever I look at you, or even think of you, my body tells me that you are mine. Your natural response to me drives all sense from my head. We cannot safely be together.”
Josephine felt silent tears sliding down her cheeks, certain now that the Duke of Ashbourne was saying goodbye to her.
“You deserve more than this, Josephine, far more than furtive lust and unscrupulous coupling. You are sweet and honest and true as few people in this world are. You deserve a man who can love you openly and honorably as your husband and father your children one day without the threat of shame and humiliation.”
“But why can’t it be you?” she demanded hopelessly. “I have never wanted another man as I want you. I couldn’t.”
“I can never marry, Josephine. I am…broken.”
As he wiped a tear from her cheek, Josephine saw a reflection of her own anguish in the duke’s eyes. Something of Duchess Nerissa’s words came back to her then.
I believe he is afraid to love…
“Marry Benedict, if you will,” Cassius added. “He is a good man.”
“Don’t say that!” she retorted angrily. “Never say that again!”
He checked himself and then sighed. Kissing her cheek, the Duke of Ashbourne released all hold on Josephine and stepped away, putting his hands firmly behind his back as if not trusting them to be within reach of her.
“Very well, but go now. People will be looking for you soon enough, I am sure. You must not be found out here with me.”
Josephine nodded. Reluctantly, swallowing any further protestations that she knew must be fruitless, she made her way back to the ballroom.
“How I have enjoyed the company of these young ladies,” Dowager Duchess Nerissa told Lady Elmridge and her three charges as they took their leave at the front doors the following afternoon. “I hope we shall all meet again soon.”
Their hostess embraced each of Madeline, Rose and Josephine in turn, pressing a kiss onto Josephine’s cheek too, and patting her shoulder. Josephine hugged her back, sorrier than she could say to be leaving and genuinely grateful to the dowager duchess for her consideration and understanding this past week.
“As have I,” Benedict Emerton agreed with his mother, gallantly bowing and kissing the hands of all four ladies, his sunny face showing no sign of any indisposition despite the ball the previous night and the late hour at which everyone had retired. “If you and Lord Elmbridge permit it, Lady Elmridge, I shall call at Elmridge House for tea again soon.”
Lady Rose nudged Josephine with a meaningful smile that Josephine could not return. She would always be glad to see Benedict Emerton, of course, but she really must have a serious conversation with Rose soon about what did and did not lie between her and this good-natured young man.
“You are always welcome in our home, Mr. Emerton,” Vera assured him and glanced down the steps outside to the two coaches where Betsy and Madeline’s maid Annie were presently supervising the placing of the ladies’ luggage. “As are you, Your Grace. Do pass our thanks to the Duke of Ashbourne on our behalf. I am sorry not to see him today.”
“Cassius had urgent business and regrets not being able to see any of his guests off today,” Nerissa Emerton said quickly although her younger son pulled a slight face to the younger women at this claim. “Do accept our best wishes for a safe journey home on his behalf too.”
“Cassius always hates endings,” he whispered in Josephine’s ear with a grin as Lady Elmridge made some further conversation with his mother. “I just know he’ll be like a bear with a sore head for days now. I don’t know how I’ll stand it.”
Josephine nodded soberly, feeling rather out of sorts herself at the end of the house party. She felt it would take more than a few days to recover her own equanimity and even then, it might only be a new mask to hide her real feelings. There could never be anyone like the Duke of Ashbourne for her. Without him, life felt stale and flat.
“Lady Elmridge,” Madeline asked after the last goodbyes, as the four of them finally descended the stone steps. “Might Josephine ride in my carriage with Rose and me as far as London?”
Vera smiled and nodded although Josephine herself felt apathetic about the request. It could not matter to her where she rode when Cassius Emerton was lost to her.
“Certainly, Betsy and Annie may ride with me. I’m sure they would like to talk together and I can close my eyes and rest. I know you girls must have much to gossip about after the party. Perhaps the dashing Captain Yardley…?.”
Rose blushed at this suggestion but did not reject it and the three young ladies piled together into Madeline’s coach. Josephine was glad that Vera had raised Captain Yardley, hoping that this handsome new acquaintance might be interesting enough that Rose lost interest in the fantasy romance between Josephine and Benedict Emerton.
As the coach pulled away down Ashbourne Castle’s long drive, it was actually Madeline who spoke first, both curiosity and concern on her plain but pleasant face.
“Now that we are alone, Josephine, you must tell us what has been going on. I have known you too long for you to hide any distress from me.”
“She is in love with Benedict Emerton, of course,” Rose began to say but Madeline hushed her.
