Page 47 of Of Serpents and Ruins
As I practiced, my chest tensed. The ache inside me grew stronger and stronger. Not only the fear but the pining for Brandt.
Somehow, that was getting worse.
It had become a physical pain.
Perhaps because of the shifting.
Each time I tried to tell myself that, the lie stuck in my throat. I couldn't even think it without recognizing it for what it was.
We broke for lunch, a simple meal of brown bread, fish, and greens with spiced walnuts and blueberries. Then more training until I could no longer focus and my entire body hurt as if it had been beaten.
"Maybe Elias can run you through some of the basics of being a seer again. If that's possible. I'm not really certain. You might also try working with your intuition and sketching. That would help some," Kine suggested as he helped me up the stairs. "You're doing great, Bug."
His words were meant to be encouraging, but I barely heard them.
Later that afternoon, I found Auntie Runa up and swimming—or floating, rather. She lay on her back in the water, her loose aqua-blue dress flowing around her like some ethereal painting. Her silky white hair was down about her shoulders as well, half of it floating in the waters around her. Her breaths were slow but focused as Bubbles and Bobbles swam up and nuzzled her and then dove down to the bottom of the canal.
Her murky, golden eyes focused on me. The tightness in her jaw loosened, and she unclenched her left hand. "Oh, my darling girl."
Were those tears misting her eyes?
I drew closer and stooped down at the edge of the canal. The cool tiles pressed up against my knees and palms as I leaned close. "What's wrong? What did you see?"
She blinked and sat up in the water, her movements lithe and graceful, far stronger than what I had expected. "It is…" She shook her head. Bubbles popped up beside her and pressed under her arm. "I am not certain what this vision was precisely. There is a great responsibility that comes when one receives a vision. It is also vital to know with whom to share and when. Sometimes when giving the vision, one can start to feel as if no other choice is permitted. In the end, so often it is about faith, in trusting that the Creator will bring all together for good so long as we are faithful."
A chill gripped me. I leaned down closer. "What did you see?" My voice trembled as I reached for her hand. Was it the same thing I had seen before I went to my death?
Her tongue licked at her chapped lips. Her tanned skin had gone paler. "It is nothing you need to know right now, sweet girl." She squeezed my hand and patted it firmly. Unshed tears glistened in her eyes. "It will work out. I believe—I know this."
The dread expanded within me. "I…" Swallowing hard, I gripped her hand.
Tears rose in my eyes too. A vague unease swelled inside me as well, a silent warning I understood. Visions and foresight were dangerous. They had to be treated with care.
"All right," I said. "I trust you will tell me when I need to know."
"You're a good girl, Stella." She gripped my hand tighter. Her smile trembled, her voice reedier than before. Reaching up, she tucked a strand of my hair back behind my ear.
"Do you want something to drink? Some tea?" I whispered.
"No, love." Auntie Runa gripped my hand again. "Knowledge is a precarious thing, especially knowledge of something that has not yet happened. Never forget that we are mortals. No matter how long we live, we all have an end. Our minds are finite, as are our wills. Everything that we perceive is filtered through our senses and our experiences, and love is precious, but it takes many forms. No one form of it should dominate your life."
"I wish you could tell me more plainly what I should do. This whole thing makes me uncomfortable," I said. "It feels like I'm…doing nothing."
"You are being faithful in what you are called to be," Auntie Runa said. "You are relearning the skills you once possessed and honoring your path of double proficiency as a shifter and seer. Young Brandt is also seeing to what he must do, and he had his sages and scholars searching for the answer for all these years. With your return as well as the Gola Resh's, they will find something. Do your part now while you can so that it is easier on you when your time does come. Hard as it may be, it is better than doing nothing and being caught unprepared. You must remember this."
I leaned closer, taking in every word.
Her grip on my hands tightened. "Love…it is not the only reason for living, my dear, and when it is corrupted, it can trick you into thinking that there is nothing else worth living for. It makes you believe there is nothing but darkness and destruction outside of it." She fixed me with a stern gaze, her gold eyes uncommonly hard. "And you must not let yourself lose sight. Don't let the lies consume you."
"What lies?"
"Love takes sacrifice, my dear. It always will, but it is not destructive. If your love makes you think you should give up everything in life because there is nothing else for you or makes you willing to destroy everything to keep it, that is not a goodlove." She gripped my hand and patted it. "I don't know what path this is going to take, my dear girl. I wish I did. But please…remember that Brandt is not the only part of your life that matters. Your love for him and his love for you can only remain healthy if you remain grounded."
My shoulders dropped. Had she seen straight into me? Tears pricked my eyes. "I know. I do know that, but I just…I miss him so much. All I want to do is see him."
It wasn't that I didn't want to save Sepeazia or that I didn't care about anyone else. No. It was just…needing to see Brandt was consuming me. This could so easily tip over into obsession and destruction.
"I know. You and Brandt have a powerful mate bond. It has survived death. It has survived loss, but it is influenced by the gift the Vawtrians gave us so that we could shift in any fashion, and the Gola Resh's magic has tainted it."
