Page 34 of Bound By Blood
Heat rose through her chest and spread into her face as if she was crouched in front of the oven. "Sometimes, it's nice not to be alone," she said softly.
It wasn't just because she was afraid something might happen to Ryul. She actually liked his being here. His presence soothed and warmed her all at once.
"Quinn has told me that I must at least consider that this is where I must remain. This realm might be the one I have to remain in. They told me that back when we nearly crashed at the edge of the wilds and the cavern. And it has been many lunars now that I have tried to become enough. I was angry. And frightened. I can't accept that I won't find them. I don't accept that. And that has made it hard to heal. Since I have met you, though, I don't struggle as much with the thought that I must remain here for a time. I used to think that accepting this meant I was giving up on what I wanted. But it isn't. That's—I'm not saying any of this well. But it's because of you. You've made my life better."
"You've made my life better too." She ducked her head.
"I'm grateful for your friendship, Erryn," he said.
"I'm grateful for yours." Her heart clenched tighter. She bit the inside of her lip. "Would you like to talk about your family?"
He nodded as he continued to slice the onion. "It would be nice to talk about them if it wouldn't bore you."
Nothing he said could bore her, really.
"I'd love to hear about them."
He shared about his family as well as their journeys to find their parents and aunts and uncles. It wasn't just a small group of them either. A whole host. Well over a dozen names. Possibly more. Siblings and cousins, all banding together. Each one had magic that tended toward a certain affinity. Particular forms and strengths that they focused on.
"Mine was supposed to be the fire-breathing garm," he said. He scratched Buttons' ear. "But ever since the fight with Volsrei, well—cute as Buttons is—he's the best I've managed. He was the first time I even managed to get a coherent shape. Everything else was just smoke globs that evaporated."
"Do you think perhaps your magic has just changed?"
He laughed mirthlessly, his expression pained. "Maybe. And if it has…" Sighing, he raked his hand through his hair. "Well, if it has, it has. And I will probably never see them again."
She shook her head. Her heart clenched. "It wasn't your fault. You've done nothing wrong, and so I'm sure you will. You deserve to find them, Ryul, and I'm sure they are looking for you."
"I don't know how much deserving has to do with this. You could be the best person in the world and lose everyone through no fault of your own." Scoffing softer this time, he worked his jaw. "And I don't think any of us really are without fault. There had to have been something I could have done differently."
Her chest tightened. She stole up beside him and slipped her arms around him once more. He hugged her back at once.
"I'm sorry. I know you miss your family," she whispered.
Though she wanted to tell him that everything would be all right, she couldn't. Because she didn't know that it would. No matter how much she wanted it to be, it might not. And he was right. It wasn't about deserving or what was right in his case.
He rested his cheek against the top of her head. "Deep down, I don't know if I'll ever see them again. And I don't actually know how to fix anything. I just keep guessing."
"You don't have to do it all now," she whispered. "You just get through tonight, all right? Each day. Each night. You take it as it comes, not all at once."
He hugged her a little closer. His presence warmed her as well. It felt so good to be held this way. He smelled like cedar, solid and comforting.
"Are you all right?" he asked softly.
She shook her head as she pulled free, heat flaring through her cheeks. "Yes. Just have to take my own advice. One day, one night, one minute at a time. That's all." Sniffing, she stepped back and hurried to the counter.
"What about your family?" he asked.
She shook her head firmly, blinking back more tears. "No. They aren't here. That's my fault. And I don't want to talk about it further. Why don't you tell me more about something you'd like to talk about? Maybe about the castle or Quinn themselves if you'd prefer."
"I can do that," he said.
A WARNING
The fear of Ryul's late arrival combined with the terror of Traelan's ambush should have left her raw and exhausted. Especially after sleeping so little and working such long hours. The long conversation about Ryul's home and family as well as the suppression of her own story certainly hadn't helped.
But Erryn found it hard to be still or calm. Her thoughts twisted and turned even as she slept. She woke in a cold sweat. Something had to be done.
Her heart broke for Ryul. By this point, she had pored through every page of the books. Asked everyone she could think of and offered up gallons of soup to anyone who could give her new information. But there were no answers.
