Page 34 of Shifter King
"What do you think I do when he’s biting you? Not that you make that simple. Besides, there are more important things for us to consider. You've seen it. No matter how much you want to avoid it, if you were stronger, you could have done something about those Vawtrians trapped in that glass if you had been there. Either you could have released their souls and given them peace far sooner, or you could have devoured the souls of those who would have done it to them and saved them in that way."
Her stomach tightened yet again."I'm not going to eat souls or take the souls of the unwilling."
"If you ate the souls, you'd get stronger faster. And so far as taking the souls of the unwilling, why wouldn't you? You are a Neyeb. You can see into their hearts and minds. You stepped aside and let that Abliato be turned to glass. Is this so much worse than that?"
"That was—"
"That was on the same line, Neyeb. And in this world, how else do you think we will survive? It is dire. There are so many for whom we have been called to help, and there are others who enforce their will on those weaker than themselves and enact such cruelties that the world could not help but be better for their absence. You have been given this skill. Even if the price is suffering, is it not worth it to know how many others you have saved?"
"I know that there has to be another way. That if I start down this path, it will be hard for me to stop. It might start with the guilty, but will it end there?"
It seemed to lean in closer. Her skin prickled as if she could actually feel its breath against her neck. "Do you think that those who suffer care about your comfort? Perhaps this is the price for that. Not that it matters. You're still too weak for me to even transport you. You are fragile as glass and thin as paper."It scoffed derisively. "But you could at least start to consider how you can use these abilities. It is now imperative that you live until the end of time. And there is only one way in which that can happen."
"Well, if myths are to be believed, it won't be a Neyeb who makes it to the end of time."She bit her lip a little harder, then winced. Curling her hands into fists, she pushed her face deeper into the thin pillow. "Like you said though, I'm not strong enough yet. So there isn't even any point in discussing this. So please. Let me rest. It's what I need right now."
"So long as you know that you cannot ignore me forever."
"I am well aware of that."She blinked her eyes open, not even wanting to see it. Yet somehow its form danced before her eyes as if it were in the room. "But remember that I am the host. This is my body. I make my own choices. I am not—"The words snagged even in her mind.
"Not what?"it hissed at her.
Not a monster. She shuddered. There was no other word for what she would become if she did give in to this. Yet the logic behind the words already gnawed at her. What if that was her purpose all along? Sometimes monsters were needed.
"Not what?" it demanded again.
At least it couldn't automatically read her thoughts. It just seemed to be aware of her hormonal fluctuations, events within her line of sight or hearing if it was paying attention, and whatever she thought directly at it. But what was also true was that she had to get through this without sending it over the edge. Who knew what damage it could do."I know you're scared. All right? But being scared doesn't help either of us. You are an ancient being. You have existed for millennia."
It huffed at her again. "Don't think you can understand me."
"I wouldn't dream of it. But I know what you have said. And I know I'd be afraid to wander formless for millennia too. So there has to be some way that we make this work or find some solution. But it won't be by bludgeoning me into your will, all right? Now right now, you're right. I do have to get better."
"Yes, and not die," it hissed, its voice now in her ear as well as her mind."And keep away from those Bealorns. The only thing worse than you being with this Vawtrian is being with more sentients. I don't care what type. Do you understand?"
She shuddered, tears pricking up at her eyes once more.
"Are you—are you really that afraid of them?"
"A little. If you wanted to do something useful, you could make sure if they're close you let me know. Don't let them take me. I didn't know they were out there until they were almost present, and they seem to have more tricks up their sleeve than I would like."
It growled, lower this time. An edge of unease lined its voice as well."Well, keep the fear down. I've been filtering so much, you're making my head hurt."
"I'm sure most of your other hosts were perfectly calm."
"They weren't this jumpy. We're in this together. All right? So cooperate."
"You cooperate. And if you have any sense, you know that our best bet is to stay with these Vawtrians."
It huffed again, softer this time.
"If you want to go back to sleep and stay asleep, go ahead. You don't have to do anything…Ki."
"Ki."Another softer perturbed sound followed."Is that intended as a term of endearment?"
She shrugged, her eyes still closed. It was coming more into focus though it slipped back and forth in the recesses of her mind as if pacing."You're right that we are in this together. I can't help it that I'm afraid or that my body reacts to those hormones and everything else. The more awake you are, the more you're going to be aware of it. But I don't plan on getting killed."
"None of my hosts ever did,"it muttered.
She envisioned placing a hand approximately where its cloaked shoulder would be."We do need to talk about all of what you being here means. Soon. You are part of the reason I almost died, but you did help me escape Dry Deep. And I don't understand a lot of this. But you cannot rush my improvement."
