Page 68 of The Secret Christmas Library
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Forget the self-pity. It’s not very attractive. It’s just this time of year.’
Mirren was on the point of saying that he was perfectly attractive, but stopped herself just in time. The thought itself travelled up her like an electric shock and she was worried her hand would start to sweat. It felt nice in his large, comfortable one.
‘It’s okay,’ she said instead. ‘The idea that Christmas has to be super-happy for everyone was invented by supermarkets to sell you stuff from September onwards. And it makes less happy people even more unhappy. It’s an arbitrary date.’
‘It’s the deep heart of winter,’ said Jamie. ‘Not quite arbitrary.’
‘No, not quite,’ said Mirren. ‘I know. But you know, from Christmas onwards it gets lighter every day.’
He squeezed her hand. ‘That’s true,’ he said, glancing at her. Then he frowned.
‘What now?’ she said. ‘You’ve forgotten a small niece who betrayed you once?’
He actually guffawed at that. ‘Oh, God, I really am terrible. You know, I have lots of nice friends who like me a lot.’
‘Really?’ said Mirren. ‘Are you sure they’re not just braying toffs you just happened to be banged up at school with?’
He covered his face with his hands. ‘Oh,lord, the abuse,’ he said, but he was smiling. ‘Anyway, that’s all anyone’s friends are.’
‘True,’ said Mirren, smiling to think of how her old, very dear schoolfriends would take being described like that.
‘And I didn’t have an unhappy childhood, not really. It was normal to me. And I had the estate to charge about in, and Bonnie’s grandmother was very kind to me – she grew up here too.’
Mirren nodded.
‘You seem close,’ she said, carefully. She wanted to know.
‘I’ve known her my whole life,’ said Jamie, and Mirren found herself suddenly feeling uncharacteristically jealous. ‘Actually,’ he went on, ‘I was thinking that if we end up spending Christmas here . . . I haven’t got anyone Christmas presents.’
‘Oh, lord,’ said Mirren. ‘I do, but they’re all in their hiding place at my mum’s.’
‘What, for us?’
‘No! For my family. I am going to be in such trouble for not sorting out Christmas, or going to see my brothers.’
‘Will they give you the silent treatment?’ asked Jamie sympathetically.
‘Oh, God, no,’ said Mirren in surprise. ‘Though they won’t be happy about having to move their Christmas Day to wait for me.’
For a moment Jamie lay on the ground, slightly amazed. ‘Wow. They’d do that?’ he said finally. ‘God. You are so, so lucky.’
Mirren turned her head towards his. ‘But no,’ she said quickly. ‘There’s all this other stuff you don’t realise. Like, my job doesn’t pay enough. My company is going down the tubes. I can’t live anywhere nice. I’m always late. I can’t meet any menwho want to commit. I don’t know if or when I should settle down. I can’t really handle modern life, I can’t find a career I really love, and I’m never going to be able to afford to start a family or buy a proper house or retire. My life is a mess!’
Jamie screwed up his face. ‘Whereas I have too much sodding house and absolutely no choice in a career that isn’t desperately clinging on by my fingertips.’
They looked at each other, still lying head-to-head on the floor, and suddenly they burst out laughing. It was so unexpected.
‘Oh, my God, listen to us,’ said Jamie. He sat up. ‘Boohoo, my house is too big even though I am relatively young and in perfect health and don’t live in a war zone.’
Mirren sat up too. ‘Boohoo, it’s really annoying when your family loves you too much.’
He laughed. ‘Oh, my God, my nightmare happy childhood en route to growing up to be healthy and pretty!’
Mirren fell silent. He’d called her pretty. Which . . . well. She was flattered. She couldn’t help it. On his part, he looked as though he felt he had gone a little far and hadn’t meant to say it.
She scrambled to her feet. ‘Anyway, that doesn’t solve nobody getting any Christmas presents.’
‘I know.’ He jumped up too and stood a fair distance back from her.
