Page 19 of Reclaiming his Honor
The men couldn’t be more different, but if she was being completely honest with herself, she’d been looking to be loved like that again. And while she had known, in her heart of hearts, that Turner could never make her feel as Mac had, she’d wanted to love and be loved.
Which brought her back to the obvious question. Should she give Mac another chance?
When the kids were younger, she’d needed to protect them. She would have had to say no, which was why she’d ignored her longing for the man all these years. But they weren’t babies anymore, they were nearly grown. Shonda was a married woman, Lewis was an adult, and Callie was a senior in high school. For the first time since Ellie had left Mac, she couldn’t use the kids as a reason to stay away.
She was scared, that much was clear. Even just sitting across from him at breakfast had been like sitting too close to the sun. She felt alive when she was near him, alive and wanted, appreciated for who she was. So he’d struggled with alcohol. He seemed to have gotten hold of his life again, and that was the only reason she’d left him in the first place.
But what if he went back there again? What if he relapsed and started drinking? Could she stand to watch him destroy himself, to disappear into that void?
Can you stand to live without him?
To keep denying yourself the love of this man forever?
“I’m thinking of dating your father,” she blurted.
Callie and Lewis stared at her. Callie smiled wide, and Lewis lowered his brow.
“What do you think about that?”
“Good,” said Callie.
“Not good,” said Lewis.
Callie turned to her brother. “Why not?”
“Because he thinks he can just walk back in here and pick up where he left off. Be a father again.” He gestured to his mother. “Be a husband. And he can’t. He messed us up. He messed you up.”
Ellie shook her head. “I wouldn’t say—”
“He did, Mom. I was there, remember? I heard you crying yourself to sleep. I remember how sad you were, and how hard everything was for you. How could you forget that?”
She hadn’t forgotten. And she could see how much pain this had caused her son. She wished things had been different for him. Wished Mac hadn’t had a drinking problem, wished she hadn’t had to leave. But none of that could be undone.
“I wish I had a magic wand and I could take all that away from you,” she said quietly. “It was a hard time for us all. But your father’s sober now, and he wants another chance. I still have feelings for him, Lewis. I never stopped caring about him. I want to give him that chance.”
“Well, you’re going to have to do it without me.” He shook his head, the resemblance between him and his father striking Ellie with such force it nearly took her breath away. “I watched that man tear you down once, and I won’t watch him do it again.”
CHAPTER12
Mac sat in the tiki bar waiting for Sloan and Moto to arrive, listening to a news program on the TV instead of to the waves some hundred yards away. It was a primetime special dedicated to the Mobile, Alabama serial killer, Arnold Godak, and the mystery accomplice who must have murdered for him on the day of his execution.
“Another?” asked the bartender. Mac nodded.
So far, a forensic scientist had gone over all the evidence they had of Godak’s guilt taken from various crime scenes and from the bodies themselves. The program highlighted certain pieces of evidence that suggested more than one person could have been involved in the killings.
In Mac’s professional opinion, most of it was bullshit. They were speculating on things that couldn’t be known, making assumptions that would sabotage a real case just to get ratings. That was what happened when a serial killer collided with Sweeps Week, and network executives put the most enthralling stories front-and-center. The public was excited by Godak’s letter and the mysterious killing that someone carried out on his behalf. It didn’t mean the authorities knew anything.
The bartender put Mac’s tonic and lime in front of him.
Now Turner—that was the man Mac wanted to talk to about the crime. If he’d been the head detective on the case, he’d been privy to information no one else had.
Turner had left that behind when he left Mobile, sure. But he must be wishing he was back now, and able to delve back into the case. Able to handle this new murder that was clearly connected to the others.
Or at least that’s how Mac would feel in Turner’s shoes.
He picked up the drink and sniffed it, the familiar tang of gin tickling his nose. A moment’s temptation was like a spark, and he stamped it out before it could turn into a fire.
“You put gin in this.” He pushed the glass back across the bar. “Just tonic and lime, please.”
