Page 55 of Promised Secret
“For what?” I asked, genuinely shocked by the apology. He hadn’t done anything that warranted one.
“For not realizing sooner and putting you through pain all these years.”
I smiled and swept a hand through his soft hair. “You realized now, so it was all worth it,” I told him.
“And just so you know, I wouldn’t have rejected you or broken your heart,” Clay murmured.
I smiled, knowing he was just saying that to comfort me. Fifteen-year-old Clay probably didn’t see me that way.
He took one look at my smile and instantly knew I was faking it. I didn’t expect anything less from someone who was always watching me.
“You’re my entire world, Dan, even back then. I might not have realized what that really meant until recently, but that’s because I was so focused on just being near you that I wasn’t thinking about anything else. But my feelings for you probably started from the first time I’d met you, and it just kept on growing.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. The fact that Clay could have liked me even back then? That made the kid inside me giddy. Who wouldn’t feel that way when their first crush felt the same?
My childish crush had come true and matured into a love we could nurture and grow together.
Clay took my hand, his grip so tight it almost hurt. He looked vulnerable as he said, “Ihatedyou being with other people, you know? It drove me crazy when you went on those dates. I’d pace our college apartment, wondering ifthiswas the person who’d take you away from me. I’d be so relieved when you came home sad. Ihated seeing you unhappy, but I was so fucking relieved that you were still mine and I’d get to comfort you.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I wasn’t really sad about the failed dates. I just wanted your kisses,” I confessed.
He smirked and plopped a kiss on my lips. “You can have them. When you’re sad, happy, and all the emotions in between, they’re yours. I’m yours,” he said, and that healed something inside of me.
I’d wanted him to be mine for most of my life, and now hearing him say he was? The pieces of my heart that chipped away over the years mended themselves.
Clay smiled and kissed me again. “I love you,” he murmured ever so softly, and Idefinitelydidn’t feel a teardrop slide down my face.
Clay didn’t point them out. He kissed each of my eyelids and licked away the remaining wetness before finding my lips again.
The slightly salty flavor on his tongue made me crave more of him until all my limbs were wrapped around him. I was an octopus clinging on to him for dear life. He could wear me like this every day if he wanted to.
Clay snorted out a laugh that broke the kiss. “I can’t touch you like this,” he said.
Although very reluctant, his words made sense, and I was craving his hands on me. He planted a sweet kiss on my nose. A reward for listening, perhaps? If he keptgiving me rewards like these, I’d do whatever the hell he wanted.
I loved it when Clay was a good boy for me. Maybe he felt the same.
I thought Clay would touch me the same way he did in my minivan. He pushed up my shirt so he could access my chest. Most of my shirt bunched up around my shoulders.
He was especially fond of caressing my pecs, which made sense. Clay was into women, and I had pretty big pecs from working out, if I did say so myself.
So, color me surprised when his exploration moved furtherdown. His hand left a burning trail of need as he played with the sparse gathering of hair on my lower belly, and it was absolutely burning when he cupped my bulge.
His fingers hooked into the top of my pants and tickled the tips of my pubes. My hand covered his before he could go any further.
“You don’t have to force yourself,” I told him. “I’m already more than happy with you touching me like this.”
The look he gave me scorched more than his hot hands. “You think I’m forcing myself?” he asked incredulously.
“Yeah? I mean, dick doesn’t do it for you. You’re not attracted to men.”
Clay was quiet, almost pensive. “You’d be okay with that? If I never touched you?”
“Youaretouching me,” I pointed out.
“I meanthere.” He emphasized his point by squeezing me through my pants. I wasn’t proud of the whiny, needy noise that slipped from my lips.
Clay smirked and continued to fondle me over the thick layers. I wanted to strip down so I could feel him without anything separating us, but my fears kept me frozen still.
