Page 177 of Knot Their Soldier: Part One
I’m struck by the thought that Everlyn would kill to study his miraculous healing. Betas heal faster than humans, but they certainly don’t heal this quick. If it’s another strange side-effect of my presence, I’m begrudgingly okay with the effect I’m having on him. It’s the only concession I’ll allow myself.
“Who would you usually hang out with back home?”
I use the trunk of a tree to brace myself as I climb down a steep decline, my boots slipping on the loose leaf litter.
He says home like it’s a place, but the longer I’ve been out here in the forest, the less The Omega Division has felt like a home and more of a prison.
“I guess it would be Dazz, my best friend.”
Shade frowns momentarily and then tilts his head. “Okay, yeah. Pretend I’m Dazz.”
I blink back at him. He looks so earnest and willing to help. I can’t help but smile at the Beta Specialist.
“Okay, I can try.”
“Great. Now tell ol’ Dazz, what’s got you tangled up?”
My heart aches with homesickness. It’s not for the farmstead I grew up in, and definitely not for the prison masquerading as The Omega Division. No, I’m homesick for my friends. My Omega family that has my back no matter what. If they were here, we’d talk for hours about what’s happening between me and the team. They’d help get my feelings and thoughts straightened out of the tangled mess in my head.
I sigh and look at Shade. He looks serious and open, kindness shining from him as he tries to channel my friend he’s never met.
And so I let the words spill forth.
“I don’t think I can do this with…” My eyes dart up to his, and I remind myself he’s supposed to be Dazz, not Shade. “Er, them, all of us.”
I stumble in the undergrowth, my arms windmilling until Shade takes my hand to steady me. He keeps hold of it, swinging it lightly between us like a couple on a date. It’s sweet and mundane. Almost like we’re normal people.
“Why do you think that?”
“’Cause I’m not a real Omega.”
“You seem pretty real to me.”
I sigh, and in that moment, I’ve never missed my best friend more. “If you were really Dazz, you’d know what I meant.”
Shade tugs on my hand, looking at me earnestly. “Come on, give me a try.”
“There’s a reason I lived in The Omega Division, instead of being matched with an Alpha. I’m defective.”
Shade’s steps falter. His brow creases. “What do you mean, defective?”
“I can’t… give a mate everything they need.”
The silence is heavy as he considers this information. He opens his mouth and then closes it, seeming at a loss for words. I expect him to ask me what I mean, to pry and dig for an answer. Instead, he shakes his head emphatically.
“If a mate doesn’t think you’re perfect as you are, then they don’t deserve you. I can tell you honestly, any one of us will take you exactly as you are.”
I laugh. It sounds bitter and broken, even to my ears.
“You say that, but it’s only the tip of the fracked-up baggage I’m hauling around. You and I both know I’m the cause of the strange things happening to them. They’re hearing voices in their heads, for rut-damn sake. They think I didn’t notice, but I did.”
He opens his mouth like he’s going to apply logic, but that’s not what I need right now. Nothing about Dazz is logical. He’s all feeling, and it makes him the best person to vent frustrations to.
I forge ahead. “It’s not normal and not fair to them. Just like my Omega Command, it could be dangerous, and I can’t control it. I don’t want to hurt them.”
His jaw tightens as he struggles with what to say.
“Halley,” he begins, his voice strained and serious. “You have to understand something about Shade.”
