Page 55 of All Your Days
Home.
It’s been a long time since I used the word. Longer still since I let myself feel it.
The Facility has always been that—The Facility.
But what if it could be more?
What if it already is?
Or more rightly, what ifhealready is? Eli.
The thoughts strike me one after the other like lightning and I wonder if the madness hasn’t left me yet. I don’t feel mad, though. I feel… I feel like for the first time I can see the world more clearly than I ever have, the walls I’ve kept myself hidden behind smashed to pieces and washed away in the storm.
The days out here have only confirmed every fear I’ve ever had about how close we live to death and destruction. Cale could beany one of us in The Facility. Fuck, even Ryan was immune, but that didn’t save him in the end.
It should be terrifying, shouldn’t it? We lived through my worst nightmare.
We survived it. Together.
And somewhere between the carnage and the Rains and, yeah, the fucking madness, everything’s become clear—I’m not ready to live without him anymore.
Eli mumbles in his sleep, rearranging himself in sleepy anger when I go stiff beneath him.
“Shhh…” I soothe him, bringing up my other arm to wrap around him, dragging a blanket along, too. It’s got a couple of wet patches I don’t want to think about just yet, but it’ll do.
The night Cale turned could have gone a thousand different ways. One of the others could’ve flipped, too. They could’ve been closer to our tent. I could’ve not made it to him in time. Cale could’ve caught us.
But wesurvived. Together.
And I wanna keep surviving together, too.
I know it’s fucked up that after everything that happened that Eli’s all I can think of—that through every moment, him and his safety was all I thought of—but this isn’t my first turn ‘round the bush. There’ve been team mates who’ve turned or, fuck, just gotten out of control. There’ve been injuries and snake bites and raiders and fights at the outpost. Years ago I got sick with a fever that I was sure would be the end of me. Maybe it is fucked up that all that shit has has made me numb to it all. It is the way it fuckin’ is, better to just accept it.
Lou was right, though. Fuck me, I hope he’s okay out there because I owe him. I owe himeverything. Because he was fucking right and it just took this hellish nightmare to get my head out my arse.
A strange sort of something I’ve never felt before flickers to life in my chest. I don’t know what to call it, but what I do know is that I don’t wanna just accept it anymore.
Eli calls me a ghost, always haunting the shadows of his life. I don’t wanna live in the shadows anymore. I want to live in the light. I want to live inEli’slight. I want more than just existing. I want tolive. I want to take apart the walls I’ve kept up all these years, and I want to build alife. With him.
If I haven’t completely fucked everything up with my bullshit.
My aching bladder forces me from my thoughts and I have to actually get out this fucking trailer.
“Stay here. I’ll be back.” I whisper, brushing a kiss to Eli’s forehead.
He grunts when I roll him off me and get him resettled on the padded mat. Thank fuck we had the foresight to put that down. My pants are both dry and crusty and damp in other patches, but I pull them on anyway. I have no idea what I’m going to find out there, and I’d rather not do it with my dick hanging in the wind.
A sheet of water falls on me when I swing open the trailer door, rolling off the roof to dump down on me and I curse, wiping the water from my face. It doesn’t really matter anyway. We’re definitely going to need a thorough clean when Eli’s awake.
My head is pounding and I’ve got more questions than answers clogging it up further. So I shut it up the best way I know how, getting to work.
The sun is nearly to the highest point in the sky, heating the soggy earth and making everything steamy. I check on the camels first. I’m not sure how long it’s been since they woke up. Binty has broken free of her ties but hasn’t gone far, happily munching on shrubs close by. Clicking my tongue at her, I bring her back, checking for injuries as I do. Then I go over to Adeeko lounging under the tree he’s under and check him over, too.
I’m nowhere near the expert that Lou is, but from what I can see they’re okay. They’ve got a few scrapes but other than that, they’re none too the worse for wear for their ordeal—though the sooner we get them back to The Facility, the better.
Which may be easier said than done. Lucky for us, we didn’t land ourselves in a flash flood. But the dirt track is gonna be a mud track, which is going to be extra slow going.
There’s nothing I can do about that, though, so I get the camp stove from the tent where we stored it and get the fire going. My head’s still foggy and I feel like I’ve been run over by the damn trailer, so everything takes a bit longer than it should. Especially dragging the camp table out the tent and getting it set up with the basin so we can get ourselves clean.
