Page 32 of All Your Days
Beside me Jacob rubs at his face with his free hand, scrubbing at the several days growth on his cheeks.
“Fuck’ssake.” He mutters under his breath, which isn’t comforting. “Yes, it’s what you think. Men from the station. And Merline’s is the brothel we passed on the way in. It figures they’ll be there.”
“A whorehouse?” Cale focuses on the wrong part of the conversation. “They have one here?”
I’m more shocked than I think I should be. After all, the armymen aren’t exactly shy in the stories they tell about their visits to other settlements and outposts. Even back home, trading for sex is something the leadership looks firmly the other way on, with the understanding that so long as nobody is being taken advantage of or hurt, then they aren’t going to intervene.
“For the love of…” Jacob groans. “You arenotgoin’ to the fuckin’ brothel. Half the women there are so far gone with their infection they are one bad night away from going fully zombified out of the sheer will of it. And honestly, the virus isn’t even the worst thing you can catch there. If you don’t want your dick fallin’ off, stay away from Merline’s.”
“Can’t have any fuckin’ fun.” Ryan mutters, taking a long drink from his cup with his eyes narrowed. He’s been pissy ever since Jacob asked them to stick to one drink tonight, just in case.
On either side of me, I feel Jacob and Lou’s chests expand as they inhale sharply, no doubt to get into it with Ryan about his attitude, but the arrival of our food nips any further arguing right in the bud.
More than I hate the off-putting hunk of roasted mystery meat with watery gravy and suspect grainy mush on one side, I hate to agree with Ryan. But I kind of do. Just a little bit. Jacob has the luxury of having travelled pretty much the whole country. For better or worse, he’s seen it all. And while that’s great for us, because his experience can keep us safe, he seems extra uptight about keeping us on lockdown.
I know for afactthat Jacob has had ‘more than one drink’ with his old team on visits to the outpost. It’s not like they haven’t shared stories of their visits to the outpost around The Facility.
It’s no big secret that Jacob is being extra cautious this trip. I’d like to say it’s because he’s been stuck with a new team with no experience, but I kinda reckon it’s me. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s me. Me being here is turning him into an overbearing mama rooprotecting her joey, and it’s pissing everyone off. Well, Ryan at least.
The awareness twists my guts even worse than our disgusting dinner. I never thought I’d miss Gracie’s efforts in the cafeteria back home. Dinner is silent and angry. A far cry from the dinners on the road. It’s not like we’ve all become best friends, but we could at least have a conversation. Here at the outpost, tensions are too high for that.
“I’m gonna go see ‘bout that game. Unless we’re not allowed to do that? Are we being sent to bed?” Ryan snarks the moment he’s swallowed his last mouthful. He went with the tried and true ‘shovel it in so fast you can’t taste it’ method. Malcolm and Cale finish nearly as quickly. They don’t fire up at Jacob like Ryan did, but they are both watching expectantly.
“Know what, mate? You’re an adult. Do what the fuck you like.” Jacob all but growls at them, throwing his spork down on his metal plate with a clatter.
The table rattles, attracting too much attention when they quickly shove their seats from the table and swagger to the pool tables. My dinner is still half-eaten, but I still drop my spork down and shove my plate away. It’s too hard to eat while keeping my face hidden. It’s probably overkill to have kept it up while eating, but I didn’t want to push Jacob any further, not after how tense he got with the news Bluecreek is around.
“You gotta let ‘em blow off steam.” Lou sighs deeply, nodding to the trio who are now chatting to some of the others playing pool. “This might be the only chance they get to leave The Facility. I’ll keep an eye on ‘em if you want.”
Lou might never have left The Facility either, but he’s got more sense than the three of them put together. I sneak a peek up at Jacob out of the corner of my eye. His jaw is flexing wildly.
“I’m pretty tired anyway.” I say, giving into the wild urge to try to ease his stress. And if it gets us alone together again, I’m not going to complain. “Why don’t we leave ‘em to it here?”
Jacob almost pulls a muscle in his neck with the way his head snaps around to look at me. The shadows in his eyes make my tongue thick in my mouth—it’s nearly impossible to swallow. My breath shudders out of me slowly as those dark eyes dance over my face. Looking for some kind of sign. Whatever it is, he finds it.
“Yeah.” His voice is raspy and low, his fingers biting into my thigh once again, dangerously close to my half hard dick. “Let’s go.”
The mattress is lumpy, crinkling with every movement. I’m trying not to fidget beneath the threadbare sheet, but I can’t seem to make myself stay still. I can’t get comfortable no matter which way I turn.
Jacob isright there. Closer than we were even in the tents. Smelling better than either of us have in days.
He insisted on getting the shower bladders from the front desk, nearly throwing me into the bathroom and locking the door behind me so I could wash up. He didn’t look at me when I wandered out with only a towel around my waist. His eyes were focused somewhere above my wet hair as he dashed into the bathroom after me, clutching his bag to his chest.
He came out, fully dressed in the same thin black fabric shorts I’m wearing, the kind most men at The Facility use as underwear—I never usually bother since I hate the way they bunch under my actual pants. Before I could even ask what side of the bedhe wanted, he slid into the side closest to the door—his rifle, boots and emergency bag within easy reach—and began forming a barricade between his side and mine with the blanket.
Just to be petty, I turned off the oil lamp, plunging us into the dark. He managed to build his barrier regardless.
It might be dark in the room now, but it’s definitely not quiet. The sounds of the outpost filter through the shutters of our room. Neither of us are asleep. Jacob is pretending to be—lying as still as the dead—but he’s definitely awake. Nobody is that tense in their sleep. Not even him.
I don’t get it. I don’t get why he’s acting the way he is. Does he want me or not? Or does he want me but not like me? I mean, there are guys I’ve thought were absolute shitbags and I still wanted to bone ‘em. And if he doesn’t like me, why the fuck has he been keeping watch on me all these years? I know he was involved in that whole armyman situation a few years back, but no one’s ever actually explained how, or even what was happening. I still don’t know exactly what they had planned. Everyone thought it best if I didn’t know.
Which is fine for them. Right now, I just care about Jacob and this… this… thing.
I want to know…
“Why?”
My whisper explodes into the room. Jacob’s flinch rocks the sketchy mattress.
