Page 26 of All Your Days
Off in the distance, low-lying hills spring up from the otherwise endlessly flat earth. With the sun nearly ready to set, the oranges and red and browns of the dirt only become more bold, with great streaks of white—almost like smears of paint—highlighting the area's beauty.
“C’mon, we’ve got a couple hours ahead of us still.” I hate to pull him away, but I want to get off the road before it’s dark. “There’s a second road through there, for when the rains come. We’ll head that way back home.”
Reluctantly, Eli follows me the short distance back to the camels and we keep walking. While today has been better than the absolute silence of yesterday, it hasn’t been the conversation of our second day out on the road.
Sure, Eli’s been happy to ask me to stop so he can keep collecting the little bits that catch his eye along the road. A feather, a flower, and once was a white rock, shot through with a rainbow of colours that was once mined round these parts.
He also pointed out every single critter he saw.Every—single—one. It would be annoying from anyone else, but every time he called out, I found myself smiling along with him.
And a few times, he inhaled sharply, turning to me with his mouth open and then… nothing. He just shook his head and kept walking. When he did talk, it was never anything that meant anything—comments about the weather or a rock in his shoe.
Because of me, things are different between us all over again. The quiet’s not like the silent distance between us back at The Facility. At first, yesterday, I thought he was angry at me, but it seems more cautious than that. Almost like he’s worried about upsetting me. It’s an unfamiliar feeling.
If only I could be as brave as he is, and beopen. I would be able to say something to bridge the gap between us before it gets out of control. Not that I even know how to do it.
The two urges war within me with each step. Keep him at a safe distance, even if it upsets him, or start dismantling the walls I’ve kept around myself and risk everything.
“So–uh. The, um—drawin’” The words trip awkwardly off my tongue, like I’ve never spoken a word a day in my life. Why is this so difficult? Surely there is a snake—a zombified fucking eagle—anythingthat could come out of the scrub and end my misery. I clear my throat likethat’s the problem and try again. “How’d’ya get into the drawing?”
Eli’s surprised by the question, I can tell—he jumps subtly in surprise that I’ve spoken.
“Uh, no idea actually. I started scribblin’ at school, and I dunno. I was just better at it than the other kids.” He kicks a rock, sending it skidding ahead. “I liked the attention it got me, so I kept goin’. I got better over time and yeah. A few years back I drew a picture for a friend whose brother had to go under. The brother was scared he was going to be forgotten and my friend was cut up about it, so I drew ‘em together. Then, someone else asked, and it just went from there.”
“Was that your friend Matty?”
“Nah, another friend of ours. Nathaniel. He died a few years back. ‘Member the fires? He’s one of the ones we lost then. It was his asthma, though. He wasn’t out fightin’ ‘em.”
I remember the bushfires he’s talking about vividly. Felt like the whole compound worked together around the clock to keep us all safe. There was a collective funeral after for the twelve we lost. It was an awful time. The grief seemed to cling to The Facility like the fogs I saw as a kid.
“I’m real sorry. For your loss.” Could I sound any more uncomfortable? Probably not. Eli peeks up at me from the corner of his eye. I swear I can see his smile twitching the scarf across his face.
“Thanks.” He bumps his shoulder into my arm. I have to cover my hasty, relieved exhale with a cough. “Jessica might be pregnant. They were going to the docs the day we left. It’s probably why she was so over the top when she was saying goodbye.”
“Ah, yeah. It seemed… unusual? They must be happy.” I don’t know Jessica well—not personally anyway. But because she’s such a big part of Eli’s life, I’ve always been aware of her, probably more than what would be considered normal since I’ve barely spoken to her.
“Yeah, they’re excited. I just can’t imagine it, though, y’know? Seems like such a big thing. Kinda glad I get to just play uncle with this one.”
I huff a laugh, murmuring an agreement, because honestly, the idea of having children is horrifying to me. I can’t think of anything worse than being responsible for a child. Considering I’ve been obsessed with Eli since I first arrived, don’t sleep with women, and generally make a point to avoid any and all emotional connections in life, having kids hasn’t exactly been high on my priority list. But in The Facility babies are considereda blessing. It ends up just being one more way that I’m different to the rest of them.
Except Eli, apparently.
“Are they gonna announce it at the fire pit?” It’s the usual practice to announce that sort of thing at the fires. It gives everyone an extra excuse to celebrate.
“Nah, it’s a bit early yet, I reckon.”
The comfortable silence drags out, and then, I just have to go and try to ruin it. “You must be disappointed to be missing out on the fire anyway. Heard you had a date.”
What in the world drove me to say that? For the love of… cursing under my breath, my eyes sink shut and my head rolls back.
Though when I peek, Eli is looking at me again, with a sly look in his eye. I can tell he’s definitely smiling under his scarf—his eyes are all scrunched up.
“You heard ‘bout that?”
I grunt and suck at my teeth. Then immediately stop when I realise I’m starting to sound as bad as the camels.
“Heard about it? Daniel was this close,” I hold two fingers up with the tiniest gap between them, “to knockin’ the commander unconscious to use the comms systems to tell everyone within reach that he finally managed to get you to agree to have a drink with him.”
A sharp laugh erupts from Eli, his scarf slipping from his face with the shake of his head. “Yeah, he was eager.”
