Page 91 of Dare You to See Me
“Where have you followed me to?” He swallows and looks at me nervously. “Where, Malik?”
“It was only a couple of times. Just to the grocery store and the park. But only because there are so many people around. Ihad to be sure that Wesley or some weirdo didn’t pop up. What if you’re at the park and someone tries to hurt Dahlia? What if they try to take her? I need to be there to stop them. Soleil,” he grows quiet and his face pales like I’ve never seen before. “I don’t think you understand. If anything ever happened to the two of you, I couldn’t…I couldn’t live with myself.”
My heart beat is thundering in my ears, so maybe I’m not hearing what I think I did. “You watch us at the park?”
“Yes, but–” I jump out of the bed and take step after step away from him. “Don’t do that. Please don’t run away from me.”
“I just need a minute.” I grab his t-shirt that is thrown on the floor and tug it over my head.
“Where are you going?” The concern drips from his voice.
“To get some air. Please don’t follow me. I need to be alone.”
I give him one last look, his chest heaving and his face painted with worry, before grabbing a coat from the hall closet and stepping out back.
The air is damp and bone chilling, but I feel like I’m on fire. Anger, fear, violation all boils through my veins.How could he do this?All this time I felt like eyes followed my every step, a stranger lurking in the shadows. Instead the man I sought comfort in is the one bringing me unease, making me think I’m losing my mind.
But can it be that the reason I feel so safe and protected isbecausehe watches? Maybe he sensed that I needed to be someone’s concern for once. Could it be that he was only responding to a feeling that he recognized? A feeling of needing to be cherished when others seemed to pass us by. The way Gene looked right past me and at another woman.
And the way family after family passed over Malik when all he wanted was someone to claim him as their own. Someone to look out for him and shelter him from the storms.
How can I fault him for just wanting to be loved?
THIRTY-EIGHT
MALIK
The night Soleilfound out that I’d been following and watching her –not to the full extent, mind you– I laid in her bed with dread swirling in my belly. I guess I was waiting for the moment she walked back in to tell me to leave. My heart was already cracking when her sad eyes met mine.
My world was dizzy as I waited for her to end it. A lump the size of a bus clogged my throat and I was holding back with a weak wall.
“I need you to stop following us.”She told me.
I was caught off-guard because that was not what I had been expecting.“Okay.”
“No watching me sleep or following us to the park. It all has to stop.”I nodded, swallowing my nerves and the false promise I made to her.“I think I understand why you did it, but you can’t anymore. Please promise me.”
“Of course, baby. Anything you want. I’ll stop. Just please don’t leave me.”I held my arms out and when she crawled inside of them, my lungs filled with hope and relief.
And I did stop following her. Not once in the two weeks since that night have I hid behind a row of cars at the park while she and Dahlia played. I’ve fought the urge to walk down the aisles, looking around corners or over displays to see that no one crept around her. But I’m not totally innocent.
I still watch her sleep. I can’t help but stare at her through her darkened window on the nights we spend apart. I may have slipped into her computer to access her camera to monitor her when she’s home. And unbeknownst to her, I shared her tracking location with my phone so I can see where she is at all times.
I do take a small victory in that I no longer walk about her house while she sleeps. But I am careful as I wander around, and always delete the surveillance footage from those visits. I don’t need her seeing the extent of my obsession nor the broken vow.
The doorbell rings and as many times as I’ve told her that’s not necessary and even gave her a key, Soleil still waits for me to open the door and welcome her in.
I swing the door open and find both of my girls with huge smiles and their overnight bags in tow.
“Malik!” Dahlia rushes at me, like she always does, and kisses me on the cheek.
I’d give up every dime I have just to come home to these two every day, for the rest of my life. Nothing could be better.
“Hi sweetheart. I feel like I haven’t seen you in a million years,” I joke.
She rolls her eyes and walks in, kicking off her shoes. “You’re silly, Malik. I just saw you at school.”
Today was our last day before Christmas break, and it was a day of chaos with the class party. The kids all left on a sugar high and a pile of books and candy and an extra treat from Mr. Dare.
