I stand at the end of the aisle and witness my step-cousin getting groped in the middle of the contraceptive display by my husband.
“What the fuck!” I shout and they both spin their heads to look at me.
Gene’s face turns to a shockingly shade of pale, while Meredith morphs into a putrid green sweaty mess.
“Sunny! Wha-what are you doing here?” Gene stutters like I’m the one to be answering for my whereabouts this afternoon.
“What areyoudoing here? Is this the big proposal you had planned for today?” My hands shake and my heart feels like it’s thumping from the pit of my stomach where it landed after falling out of my chest.
“It’s not…I…”
“Don’t try to spin me a web of lies. I heard you, you piece of shit. Is there some other reason you’d be buying condoms? I’m on the pill, so they can’t be for me. Or are you helping Meredith pick some out with your vast knowledge?” I sneer at my pseudo cousin and she shrinks.
“Soleil. I’m sorry,” she blubbers.
“Shut up whore and wait your turn. I’ll get to you in a minute.” She shakes like a chihuahua in a snowstorm and cowers behind Gene’s back.
“How long?” I ask my husband, or rather soon to beex-husband.
He shakes his head, eyes now glistening with tears. “Babe, please. I’m sorry. She was a mistake.”
“Hey,” Meredith whines.
“I’m sorry, but it’s true. Did you really think I’d leave my wife for you?”
“You prick. You thought you’d get your rocks off with my cousin and then crawl into bed with me after fucking her? Jesus, Gene. You are the biggest asshole I have ever known.” I throw my hands up and the items I’m gripping clatter to the ground.
“What’s that?” he asks, looking at the scattered items.
“Medicine, you asshat. If you had answered your phone, you’d know that I am sick and left work early to sleep it off. But now I see that your hands were much too busy to answer yourwife’sphone call.” I hear Meredith sniff as she peeks out from behind Gene.
I kick the package of tissue towards her and grit, “Here. Wipe your whore tears with these.” I shake my head and take a calming breath, which does nothing to calm me. “How could you, Meredith? You could have any man, yet you chosemyhusband.”
“It’s not like that,” she cries at the same time Gene points at her with an accusing finger and says, “She seduced me.”
Her jaw drops and big, fat tears pour from her eyes. If it was any other man, I’d be pulling her into my arms to soothe her. But trash doesn’t deserve comfort.
“Ha,” I snort. “How did she do that, Gene? Did she tie you down and rip your clothes off? Give you an unwanted blowjob? You poor, poor thing.”
“It’s true!” He shouts. “She found me at the bar. She flirted with me.Shetold me she had always wanted me. Then she said that no one would ever know and it could be just one time,” he tries to explain.
“Andyouare the one who took her up on her offer. Was it one time?” I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him, daring him to lie.
To my surprise he doesn’t. He shakes his head and drops his gaze to the floor.
“And you…” I direct my anger at the woman who obviously has balls of steel for being so forward with another woman’s husband. “What do you think your family will have to say about this? ‘Cause you best believe I’m going to shout this shit from the mountain tops like I’m a fucking world class yodler.”
“No. Please don’t. I’ll do anything. I’ll never see him again. I’ll stay away from every family event. We’ll never cross paths. I promise.” She has literally dropped to her knees, hands clasped in prayer and begging me.
“Fuck that. You can have him because this fucker is going to find his shit out on the front lawn by the time he gets tomyhouse.”
“Sunny,” Gene looks at me like he can’t believe how unreasonable I’m being.
“I want you out of my house by the time I get home from my Mom’s. You take your shit and only your shit. Don’t even think about going to see Dahlia because I’m calling George right now to tell him not to let you anywhere near the house.”
“You can’t do that,” he shouts. “She’s my daughter!”
“Hm. I just figured you forgot about her. Kinda like how you forgot I was your wife while you were banging this See You Next Tuesday.”