Page 99 of Dare You to See Me
She saw him at school, but that was as Mr. Dare. She missed Malik who sang songs with her and danced around. It was Malik, not Mr. Dare, who transformed his backyard into her own personal theater just so she could watch the same movie every week. And it was Malik who she ran to when she was hurt and needed comforting.
So when Dagen visited me yesterday, my weak will broke easily.
“Dagen? Hi. What are you doing here?”I opened the door to find her standing on my porch.
“Could I talk with you?”Her fingers were knotted and she looked unsure.
“Of course. Come in.”
I poured her a glass of sweet tea and we sat on my couch as the early afternoon filtered through the windows.
“Do you still love Malik?”She hit me with the hard question right out of the gate.
I knew the answer, but it was buried under denial. I hadn’t said it out loud in months, but it didn’t make it any less true.
“He’s in pain, Soleil.”
“Well so am I. I’m in pain knowing that he deceived me.”
“Men are dumb. They do things without thinking. In their minds, it’s justified. Trust me, I know this for a fact.”
She went on to tell me all about her and Hendrix and all of the obstacles they had to overcome. My heart broke and tears fell listening to all they lost. But I was healed when she told me that despite all they had faced, they found their way back to one another. They still work through the pain and deal with the aftermath of what was stolen from them, but it isn’t any different from what any normal couple goes through in life.
“The idiot messed up, big time. But he was the idiot I loved and no matter how much he hurt me or I hurt him, we just couldn’t imagine moving on without each other. So if you feel any of that for Malik, if you picture your future and he’s in it, don’t give up on him. I will not excuse what he did, but I think he’ll agree that he didn’t really see anything wrong.”
I nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. He looked at it as what one would do when they’re in love, and I saw it as completely stepping over the bounds of a healthy relationship. It was obsession andthe need to possess, when he probably thought it was what a relationship was supposed to look like.
I thanked Dagen for her words and took the rest of the day contemplating them. Could I see a future without him? Imagining him in my future meant love and laughter and a full life.Butwithout him, it was only me. Just like I envisioned after Gene’s death. I only saw a life of waking alone and eating alone with no one to experience the good and bad with.
When I woke up this morning, I decided I needed to at least hear his reasoning. I knew it would be skewed because he never witnessed a loving relationship between a man and a woman, but I had to give him a chance.
“Soleil?”
“Hi Malik.” I give him a small smile as I stand nervously at the table. “Happy birthday.”
“Hi.” He begins scooting across the leather bench until he stands right in front of me. “What are you doing here?”
“I heard it was your birthday.” Actually, I’d known it was his birthday.
I saw every day from where it was written in my calendar with a heart around it.
“God, you look stunning,” he tells me, raking his eyes up and down.
I may have made a day of shopping and lunch with Dahlia. She helped me pick out the perfect dress, knowing that I was going to see Malik, and suggested I get a new lipstick. She said he must like when I wear lipstick because he always wants to kiss me when it’s on. I think I agree.
“How have you been?” I ask him.
“Honestly? Horrible. Miserable. Broken.” Feelings I know very well. “I’m so sorry, Soleil. I never meant to hurt or betray you. I just…”
He looks around the bar at all the people who are now watching us. It feels like a hush spread and anything we were about to say would play out like a movie scene for everyone to observe.
He touches my hand but quickly pulls away. “Do you think we can talk privately?”
I nod and slip my hand into his. I swear I can hear his heart skip a beat when we touch. Or maybe it’s mine.
He guides us to the office and closes the door. It’s a typical, yet more upscale, office. Rich wood furniture, leather couch, filing cabinets, and papers littered about. As if I’m made of fine china, he helps me to sit on the couch then pulls a chair over to sit directly in front of me. I assumed he’d want to be right next to me, but it seems he wants to give me a little space.
“I need to start by saying I love you. That has never dwindled. In fact, I think it’s only grown stronger. You know the old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Absence made my heart weak because you are the beat of it.”
