Page 91 of Our Long Days
Can’t get air into my lungs.
My chest constricts, barbed wire clenching harder and harder.
She notices the change in my breathing and goes to sit up, only to wince when she jostles her bad arm. “I’m fine.”
Reading those words on her lips does nothing to ease my panic.
She reaches for my face, but I pull away. Hurt twists her features. She says something, but she’s distracted when Megan drops beside us with a first aid kit.
That should’ve been my first stop.
Florence shouldn’t have left my side.
She could have died.
And if it weren’t for the others running to her, I wouldn’t have known. I would’ve gone for a fucking nap, pillow wrapped around my head to block out the ringing, and not known the most precious thing in my life was in danger.
How the fuck am I supposed to look out for her? To keep her safe? What if I lose all hearing? What if she needs me?
What if I never hear her laugh again?
I’m not good for her. She could get hurt because of me.
She’ll stick by me now, but if my hearing goes or the attacks become more regular, then what?
Just imagining the pitying look in her eyes or disappointment weighing on her shoulders slices through me.
The demons that stopped me from getting too close to her all those months ago return, digging their talons into me, dragging me to my feet.
Florence tries to stand, but Megan keeps tight hold of her while she bandages her arm.
Good.
She shouldn’t follow me.
My demons carry me away. Across the yard. Toward my truck.
When I’m enclosed inside, the scent of coconut assaults me.
My fist comes down on the wheel, against the seat. Hot tears spring to my eyes, clouding my vision.
“Fuck,” I roar. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
This sensation of helplessness and agony is exactly the reason I made the vow I did almost twenty years ago.
Musicbounces around the sand dunes. The fire spits when someone throws another piece of drift wood on it. The grass I’m hiding between whispers in the wind.
Already, those sounds are dulling.
One day, they’ll be gone.
Ménière’s Disease.
Even my parents shared a puzzled look when the doctor revealed why I’d been experiencing dizzy spells, intense buzzing in my ears, and most recently, hearing loss in my left ear.
No cure. Treatment isn’t guaranteed to help. Risk of going completely deaf. When? Well, that’s the fucking kicker. There’s no timeframe. Could be in five years or twenty.
A spray of sand hits my knees.
