Page 85 of Our Long Days
He jabs at the white chef hat on his head. “Don’t be dense, Dex. It doesn’t suit you.” The lid slams shut, narrowly missing my fingers. “You’re letting all the heat out. No one wants dry ribs.”
“You’re bossier than usual,” I grumble, swiping his beer out of his hands and taking a sip.
He scoffs. “You’ve met my girl. It’s a dog-eat-dog-world.”
“Or doggy-dog world, as Florence says.” I chuckle, remembering the way she glowed in the light of the flames in my living room, dead serious she’d said it correctly.
Booth snorts and steals his beer back.
“Does Aly hang your balls above the mantelpiece or carry them round with her like a lucky charm?” Graham hollers.
Booth’s head whips toward his brother. “Neither. She does this thing where she tickles—” He’s silenced with a bread roll stuffed in his mouth.
“Much better,” Patrick says.
I hook an arm around his shoulder, carting him into the house. He’s had hearts in his eyes for Johanna since they were kids, but with them days away from exchanging vows, he practically floats into the kitchen, high on love.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, twisting the cap of a beer and passing it to him.
“Like I would have waited another decade so long as Jo and I always ended up here. She’s it. Her. Lottie. This baby.” He sighs happily. “I can’t describe it, man.”
The necks of our bottles meet, glass clinking. “You deserve it.”
He nods before clearing his throat. “And what about you?”
I freeze. “What about me?”
“C’mon, Dex. You deserve the same happiness too. I don’t get it. All these years, and you act allergic to the idea of a committed relationship. Why is that? You seem fine hooking up with women occasionally.”
I falter, and he clocks the slipup.
“You’ve met someone.” He smiles wide, like the idea of me in a relationship pleases him. If only he knew. “I knew it. Jo shot me down so fast when I told her, but something’s changed in the last few months. Who is she?”
Alarm bells ring. Warning signs flash.
It’s the small voice whispering,“Are you embarrassed by me? Is that why you don’t want to tell anyone?”that has me close to revealing all.
It’s your sister,I want to shout.I’m certain I’m falling in love with her, and it’s going to make or break me. Please don’t punch me in the face, but I don’t care what you think.
Now is not the time. It’s easy to use his wedding as an excuse to not reveal what’s going on with Florence. The coward’s way out.
“You’re seeing things. I’m as single as they come.” The lie isbitter and ashy on my tongue. I shove him outside, needing to escape his interrogation before the truth refuses to stay a secret. “Now, enough about me. Let’s get you college drunk and have you passed out on the sofa by eight.”
My face falls when he turns, joining the others.
If we tell her family, it becomes real, and if it becomes real, the probability of it falling apart increases. These are things she needs to consider before fully committing herself to me. Florence might be happy now, but what if I become a burden? She was fine caring for me after my last attack, and though they don’t happen often, they may increase over the years.
The last thing I want to do is bring the light back into her life only for me to snuff it out when I turn out to be the partner she didn’t sign up for.
The cheer of our friends detracts from the guilt gnawing at my conscience. We devour the food, play poker, then put a bleary-eyed Patrick to bed.
Deep violet and vibrant pink paint my cabin when I park. I’m vibrating to see her but also petrified. It’s not from denial, there’s no denying my feelings are strong, winding their way around my bones; it’s that reality has a way of not being everything you hoped it would be.
Steam rising in my peripheral pauses the barrage of emotions. There is so much to say, to tell her, but words leave me. The constant craving I have for her takes over.
I’m climbing out of my truck, striding across the yard to where the outdoor shower is located.
Hearing aid removed and belt unbuckled, I find her. My heart tumbles out of my chest, blood heating, cock thickening.
