Page 33 of Trussed In Hope
I turned off the light and let his hold on me be my safe place.
HARDISON
I’d stripped off Emberlynn’s satin shirt just to feel her skin on mine. Cuddled underneath the blanket together, holding her, planted me into my reality. I slept better, and every time I touched her, my awareness of how quickly things were moving between us magnified in my mind. It’d been over a week, and I felt better than I had in years.
Emberlynn allowed healing differently than I’d ever experienced. Her attentiveness to me let me freely give back to her without wondering if I was spoiling her or doing too much.
Nervous that I was moving too quickly, I even talked to Dr. Hertz about it. She encouraged me to follow my gut and take small steps so I wouldn’t mistake lust for love. Though we were intimate, I still dated her so that we could continue to grow together.
I kissed her forehead, and she stirred, tilting her head up to me. Lowering my mouth to hers, I caressed the side of her face, and she hissed.
“That didn’t sound like the good kind of hurt.” I turned the light on to see the side of Emberlynn’s face bruised and swollen. Like she’d been backhanded by a pimp. “What the hell?” I carefully turned her face toward me. “What’s this?”
Emberlynn cleared her throat. “It happened while you were having your bad dream. You hit me as you were moving about. I probably have one on my ass, too, from where you knocked me on it.”
Sitting up completely, I moved the blanket off her body to check her over. Sure enough, there was a bluish-purple bruise that covered her right cheek and her hip.
“I did that to you?” I frowned at her, hoping she’d say no, even though I didn’t know where else she’d get it from.
“Yes, but you didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that it happened.” I moved to the edge of the bed and rested my head in my hands as I tried to breathe through the anxiety.
“Hardison, it’s okay. Abusing women doesn’t seem to be your thing. At least not before now.” I heard the playfulness in her voice, but I wasn’t in the mood.
Standing up, I went into the kitchen to start the coffee. I needed to take my mind off the golf ball-sized bruise on her face. I’d never hit a woman before—well, not outside of sex. In it, I’d spank as much as I needed to.
While I waited for the coffee to brew, I took frozen vegetables from the refrigerator and wrapped them in a towel. Emberlynn was getting out of the shower when I entered her bedroom. She was wrapping her body when I saw the bruise on her butt—making me feel like shit all over again.
“I brought you ice for your face,” I mumbled.
“Thank you.” She smiled.
I could barely look at her with that bruise there. However, I handed her the frozen vegetables and kissed over the bruise, feeling like a complete and total dick.
“I’m going to get ready for my sessions.” I turned and left the room to get ready for the day.
When I finished, I made her breakfast, which I took to her room.
Physical therapy was easy enough today with Ashley, but it was Dr. Hertz I was excited to see. I hoped she could get me out of my thoughts. I told her about the nightmare, explaining what had happened.
We talked long and hard about it, and she discussed some ways to cope with anxiety. When we finished, she asked to speak with Emberlynn. They stayed in the room for almost forty-five minutes. And when they came out, Emberlynn was wiping her eyes, but otherwise, she said nothing.
I gave her space today, knowing and understanding that I also needed it. I ended up going down to check on the animals and helping for most of the day. When Elijah kicked me out and told me to go check on Emberlynn, I rested on the couch watching TV with her curled up with me. But when it was time for bed, I made it known that she needed to sleep in her room, and I’d go to mine. I couldn’t chance what happened last night becoming a regular occurrence.
She seemed disappointed, but I had to keep her safe. I kissed her, apologized for what had happened again, and tucked her in. As much as I wanted to curl up beside her, I couldn’t.
No woman deserved bruises from their man. Especially the ones on her face. I had nightmares all night, and though it made for a sleepless night, Emberlynn was safe, and that was all I cared about.
Grateful that I’d made that decision, I knew two things for sure. One, we couldn’t sleep together in the same bed until I waspositive it wouldn’t happen again. Second, maybe I wasn’t ready for a relationship. Until I could get my head on straight, I needed to focus on getting better.
It was a horrid decision that, while I knew it was best, neither of those things helped me sleep better. Each night was the same restless one because I craved the woman in the other room. We spent time together during the day, but it seemed dampened by the scenario.
Had Emberlynn changed her mind about us? I hoped not, but I understood. And since I was supposed to keep her safe, I couldn’t afford to object to her pushing away from me. She didn’t need what I represented in her life. No. She deserved only what was good for her, and right now, that wasn’t me.
I needed more time to work through my demons, even if that meant that I was going to lose her in order for it to happen.
EMBERLYNN
