Page 48 of Trussed In Hope
It was exactly the opposite. I wanted this to work more than anything in the world. I hope he came to understand that.
HARDISON
The barn was quiet except for the scrape of my boots on concrete and the low shuffle of Diesel shifting in his stall. I leaned against the gate, arms folded, watching the big gelding chew hay like the world couldn’t touch him.
“Wish I had it that simple, boy,” I muttered, running a hand down his neck. His ears flicked back toward me like he was half listening.
I worked without thinking, cleaning out stalls, checking tack, stacking feed. The weight on my chest didn’t lift. If anything, it pressed heavier. Emberlynn’s words replayed in my head over and over, every damn one of them twisting like barbed wire.Trapped. Stuck.
Diesel nudged my shoulder when I went still for too long. “Don’t look at me like that,” I grumbled, shoving his nose back gently. “You don’t know what it’s like to want something so badly and feel like maybe you’re squeezing too tight.”
A door creaked behind me, followed by the unmistakable sound of boots and the softer scuff of rubber soles.
“Hardison?” Raya’s voice called, cautious but curious.
I wiped a hand over my face and turned. She waddled in, belly first, bundled in a big sweater that didn’t quite hide how far along she was. A basket swung from her arm.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt,” she said with a little smile. “I came for eggs.”
“You’re fine.” I nodded toward the henhouse on the far side of the barn. “Help yourself.”
She tilted her head at me instead of moving. “You look like you’re chewing something heavier than hay.”
I huffed, grabbing a pitchfork and stabbing it into the pile of old straw. “Just needed some air.”
“Air in the barn, huh?” she teased, then her tone softened. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”
I kept working, the fork biting and lifting, until the silence stretched too long. Finally, I dropped it against the wall and leaned on the handle.
“She told me she wants to move into town,” I said flatly.
Raya blinked. “That’s… bad?”
“It was when I thought she meant moving in here. With me. With us.” I shook my head, a bitter laugh escaping. “Hell, for a second I thought she was finally ready to settle. But no—she wants her own space. Said living with me would make her feel trapped.”
Raya’s brows drew together, her hand smoothing absently over her belly. “Did she say she doesn’t want you? Or did she say she fears moving too fast?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, Diesel blowing out a long sigh like he was tired of the conversation too. “She said she wants us. Wants me. Just… not all the way. Not yet.”
“And that feels like rejection,” Raya finished for me.
I met her eyes, jaw tight. “Feels like she doesn’t trust I’m worth the risk. Like I gave her everything—my space, my life, my heart—and she’s still got one foot out the door.”
Raya walked closer, slow but steadily, until she rested her basket on a nearby bale of hay. “Or maybe she’s just being smart. You two went from strangers to tangled up with each other in record time. Maybe giving herself a little breathing room isn’t rejection—it’s survival. Especially if she’s serious about you.”
I scrubbed a hand down my face, staring at the dirt floor. “Doesn’t feel like it.”
She tilted her head. “Hardison, if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be stressing about where she belongs. She wouldn’t have stayed this long. And she sure as hell wouldn’t be worried about how to make this work.”
Diesel bumped me again, impatient for attention. I stroked his muzzle absently, my throat tight.
“I just… I want her here,” I admitted, voice low. “Not in town. Not half in, half out. I’ve lived with enough half measures to last me a lifetime.”
Raya smiled softly, her eyes knowing in that way only a woman’s could be. “Then tell her that. Not in frustration. Not like a command. Just… honest. She’s giving you honesty, even when it’s hard. Meet her there.”
I swallowed hard, nodding once. “Yeah. Maybe.”
But even as I said it, the knot in my chest didn’t let go.
