Page 18 of Trussed In Hope
“Okay.” She handed me her business card, which she retrieved from the back of her book. Then she closed the entire thing. Okay, maybe it was more like a binder or something. “Call me if you change your mind.”
“Does an hour always go that quickly?” I tapped the card against my hand to distract from my caged feelings. Doubts, dread, and even the truth that I was in over my head.
“Sometimes therapy can be so smooth that you don’t know where the time goes. But it can also be so difficult that the minutes drag on. Take each session for what it is. Don’t try so hard to fix everything right away. It’ll come.” Her head nodding was slow and deliberate. “You’ll build what your new normal looks like.”
“New normal? I don’t want a new normal.” I looked up at her, not sure that she understood the goals. “I want my old life back.”
“Hardison, it’ll never be the same. You’ve had a tragedy occur, and it changes who you are, making your responses different from before. Things won't vanish and go away. You’ll likely have triggers that will pull you back into those difficult moments. The goal is to prepare you for how to handle it.”
“Mhm…” I was trying to play it cool, but I didn’t like not being able to get back to being me. I didn’t want those dreams or anything else from this damn injury.
“I’ll see you in a few days, or is there something else you’d like to discuss before I go?”
How was talking about it going to fix anything? She couldn’t change what had happened.
“I’ll see you then,” I blurted.
Dr. Hertz studied me, and then she waited me out before she stood. “I mean it. Call me anytime.”
I walked her to the door, then sat down on the couch feeling worse than before my session began.What was the purpose of this again?
Emberlynn came back inside and then smiled at me as she took out her earbuds. “How’d it go?”
“It was cool.” I paused and then turned so that I could see her fully. “Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t staying here with me? That you planned on leaving?”
Emberlynn took her earbuds out, put them in the case that she retrieved from her pocket, and came to sit down on the couch. She smoothed her hands down her thighs. Her eyes moved from me to her hands. She was covered in sweat from her walk or run. And she was breathing more heavily than she had been mere minutes ago.
“Hardison, I lost my job two days before I got here. I don’t have any money, and if I don’t find something soon, I may not have a place to go home to.”
“Okay.”
“So, I didn’t want to drop all of that on you when we were just meeting. I figured it would be easier just to cancel. I tried to message you, but the Love Catered messaging board said you weren’t available for that. Then I got here, saw you, and then you needed help, so I got distracted. I figured it would be simpler just to come and tell you in person. It backfired on me, though in a major way. I never expected to like you. To want to stay.”
“It’s only been three days.”But she said she likes me.
“Yes, and it’s already tough to fight the chemistry between us.” She lowered her eyes, almost as if she were too afraid to admit that.
“You were going to cancel to prevent me from finding out the truth?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I was going to cancel, so that we wouldn’t start things off on the wrong foot. I was always going to tell you. I’d never expected things to move so quickly. Between helping you and our day out together, I’ve never felt as at ease as I do when you’re around. Everything that's happened for the past week seemed to disappear when we were together. It wasn't until last night that I realized how in over my head I am.”
“I get that.” I understood that all too well. “I have plans for us today if you’re interested.”
“Oh?”
“The bakery in town is having a Christmas cookie decorating event this evening. I’ve purchased tickets already and even added a few more cookies to the order. Go with me? My friend Elijah–who owns the ranch–and his wife Raya are also going. If you aren't comfortable, we can sit at a different table.”
Emberlynn’s face lit up like the star on top of the tallest tree, radiant enough to still shine down on the people so brightly that they couldn’t deny the intensity. They felt it everywhere. I could tell that's how she felt.
“You don’t want me to leave?” She tried to shy away, but I wasn’t having that.
“I told you, I came here with a purpose. I plan to get to know you to see if this thing between us is real. But no more secrets or half-truths. I know we're just getting to know one another, but I'm open to discussing anything.”
Emberlynn nodded and then squealed with excitement, and before I knew it, she scooted next to me, bottom lip tucked into her mouth and very much up to something.
“I understand. I’ll go with you.” She slipped her hand into mine and smiled. “I want to get to know you more as well, and I would love to meet your friends.”
That answer was the perfect remedy for my mood.
