Page 48 of Loving the Sinner
Wes grabs my hand and gently guides me to the back door of the bar and out the door into the humid Texas summer air. As soon as the door shuts behind us, giving us privacy, I pull him to a stop so he’s facing me. “Wes. Was that song really about me?”
He steps forward, closing the distance between us so our chests are touching and I have to tilt my head up to look him in the eye. “Yes, Elli. I’ve spent the last four days writing songs about you. That one was just the one I wrote first.”
“Did you… did you mean it?” I whisper.
Wes tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, leaving his warm palm on my cheek, his thumb brushing back and forth gently. “You have no idea how much I meant every fucking word Elli. You’re like the first flower of spring breaking through the snow. It’s like my heart was barely beating until I met you and you broughtme back to life.”
My lips part with a gasp, unsure what to say to that. He stares at me a little longer, leans in and kisses me on the forehead. Then pulls away, intertwining our fingers again, and leading me to his car.
He opens the passenger side door for me, but before I can get in, he leans forward and says, “I will kiss you Elli. But not until I know for sure where you stand. So we’re going to go to your place and talk, but know that I’ll be thinking about your lips and what they’ll feel like the entire time.”
Another shiver works its way down my spine before I get in the car and he closes the door.
It’s like the sweet, shy, quiet Wes I know is meshing with this dominating, confident Wes that knows what he wants.
I just can’t believe he wantsme.
Chapter 21
Wes
Tonight has already gone better than I had planned. Elli didn’t run off screaming after my set, and she met Jess! Which should feel scary but doesn’t. I hope they get to know each other better soon. I know they’ll be great friends. Jess’s approval means a lot to me, and she seems to like Elli already so that’s a plus.
The energy of the crowd is always intoxicating, the rush of performing is always incredible, but tonight it felt amplified. Having Elli in my direct line of sight all night was both a curse and a blessing. She’s a walking wet dream in her outfit. I wanted to push her up against the wall outside of the bar, kiss her until her lips were swollen, and slide my hands up her skirt to see what kind of panties she’s wearing.
But that will have to wait. I’m not going to do anything other than hold her hand until I know where she stands. Although I think I have a pretty good idea already.
She stares out the window most of the ride to her apartment, her thumb absently rubbing my hand, clearly overthinking if the shake in her leg is any indication.
When we finally get to her apartment, I make her stay put so I can open the door for her, and then walk next to her up to her front door. Once we’re inside, she looks even more nervous.
“Um, can I get you anything to drink or eat? I think I have some lemonade or Dr. Pepper, some chips…” She trails off when she watches me go over to the couch, sit down, and pat the cushion next to me. I watch her throat move on a swallow and see her exhale before she pads over to the couch and sits on the opposite side, so there’s a cushion between us.
“Baby, there’s too much room between us. I promise I’m not going to bite. Yet.” I tease. Her cheeks flush and she slides over so our thighs are touching like they have so many times before. Only this time, I’m not too chickenshit to rest my hand on her thigh.
“So,” she whispers, then says louder, “So what do you want to talk about?”
“Well, I think I’ve made how I feel about you pretty clear tonight. And although I think I have an idea of how you feel about me, I would like to be sure before I do anything that could get my heart broken.”
She bites her lip, fiddling with the ring on her thumb, and I can feel the anxiety of trying to find the right thing to say coming off of her in waves. I reach my hand up and tilt her chin to look at me, pulling her lip out from between her teeth.
“Elliana Monson, you have turned my world upside down. It’s been over two years since I’ve felt even aspeck of interest in someone. Shelby, my ex, hurt me badly. She wanted the novelty of dating a ‘bad boy’ and was cheating on me with everyone with a pulse and a dick. She could see my talent and wanted to be with me in case I got famous. But then I caught her with a guy from her work when I went to surprise her and she told me she was only with me as a way to ‘pass the time.’” I swallow down the anger that still rises when I think about her, and continue.
“She told me I was trash, bound to be a drug addict like my whore mom. She said any fame I got would fizzle out before it even begins, and the only way I would find love is to buy it. No one wants to settle with someone so fucked up, who can’t even offer a stable financial future. I didn’t even have any family that loved me, so how could I expect anyone else to?”
Elli’s face morphs into one of anger, “Well she’s wrong.”
I shrug, “Maybe she’s not, though. My mom died of an overdose. She only stayed with her asshole ex because he was giving her drugs. It’s in my blood to be an addict. That’s why I rarely drink. I don’t have any family other than Jess and Luke, and now the group, I guess. I’m a fucking music teacher instead of a famous rockstar. I don’t have much to offer you, Elli.”
“That’s such bullshit, Wes. Shelby is full of shit. You are the most selfless, kind, beautiful human I’ve ever met. I’m so sorry about your mom. I can’t even imagine the pain you have endured, but instead of letting it isolate you from everyone, you’vefounda family. And they’re as lucky to have you as you are to have them. How many other people would agree to go on a random blind date with a stranger so his little brother could see his long-distance girlfriend? Who then sets up a TV for said stranger and sits through a trashy teen romcom? Who spends their days off helping said stranger unpackand listen to the sob story of a sheltered religious girl? Who shows up with their little brother to take his girlfriend to the airport? Who takes a girl dress shopping for a date with another man? Who shows up with five different types of coffee so someone can taste a variety for the first time? Who takes home a drunk girl from a club, takes off her makeup, and makes sure she’s safely in bed?”
She takes a big breath, turning so her body is facing mine, and grabs my face in both hands. “Who writes a love song about one obscure conversation, melting the heart of the girl they wrote it for? When I look at you, I don’t see a ‘bad boy’ who’s unlovable, or someone who’s just to pass the time. I see a strong, talented, confident,tenderman who has tattoos, piercings, and long hair and who is sexy as hell. I see someone who is worth all the love in the world.”
Tears spring to my eyes, and I barely even register that she called me sexy. I’ll have to revisit it later.
“Thank you Elli.” The tears are falling freely down my cheeks. She pulls me over to her so I’m almost laying on top of her, my head nestled in the crook of her neck with her arms bound tightly around my neck. I inhale her vanilla and coconut scent and feel at peace.
I lean up on an arm and look into her eyes, and she gives me a small smile. “You’re welcome Wes. In case it wasn’t obvious, I have a big ol’ crush on you. I have since the day we met, and it’s only grown since.”
