Page 43 of Loving the Sinner
Tears burn behind my eyes at how easily they have accepted me into their group. I’ve never had friends like this.
“Well okay. That sounds fun.”
“Great! Now get dressed. We’re going shopping.” Robin claps her hands together then pushes me towards my room.
“Shopping? For what?” I spin to face her and she has a mischievous glint in her hazel eyes.
“You may have rambled about not having a lot of… success… with orgasms. We’re going toy shopping.” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. “And then outfit shopping for Wes’s performance. But that’s not the most important part of today’s journey.”
I look at Savannah, like she’ll agree that this is crazy, but she just shrugs. “Yep. Sorry babe, as a feminist, I can’t in good conscience let you continue to struggle with self-pleasure. Orgasms are a healthy, natural part of life and you deserve them.”
“Um. Okay. I’ll go get dressed then, I guess.”
Forty minutes later, we’re standing in front of a store called The Velvet Taco, which apparently is a euphemism for a vagina. I’ve heard a vagina called a lot of things, but never a velvet taco.
On the way here, Savannah and Robin gave me a rundown of their favorite toys, and how some toys are better solo, and some are better with partners. I swear my cheeks have never been redder. Having people so openly talk about sex and masturbation is new, and feels taboo because of the way I grew up.
The most I was told was “Never touch yourself. Never let anyone else touch you. Not until you’re married. Then you are to please your husband and make babies.”
There were never really any safe sex talks, discussions about pleasure, or anything like that.
I’ve done some of my own research, but the internet can only teach you so much. Reading the spicy romance novels has helped me figure out a little bit, and the rest has been self-exploration.
I’ve considered buying a toy, but the options are so overwhelming and I got so flustered I closed the tab and haven’t looked back.
Robin leads our little trio into the store and directly to the vibrator section. Sav and Robs decided a vibrating rabbit, or a suction toy would be the best toy for a beginner. I have no idea what either of those things is, soI follow them obediently while they point out all of the different options.
I know this is asex toyshop, butholy shitthere are a lot of toys. There’s all different sizes and shapes of penises that look both lifelike and fake. There’s one as thick and long as my arm! Who’s using that????
There’s a section for dildos that are “fantasy” shapes. A tentacle, alien fingers, a unicorn horn, a penis that has a bulbous part towards the base that they call a “knot.”
There’s a whole section for anal play toys and I cannot fathom how anyone fitsthoseinthere.
We’ve seen sex machines, sex swings, bondage kits.
There are so many vibrators to choose from, too, my poor, sheltered brain is overwhelmed.
“Alrighty Elli. I think this one is perfect for your first toy. You can use it just on your clit, or insert it vaginally, too, and this little part will vibrate against your clit. The stimulation in both areas will bring youa lotof pleasure.” Robin explains, holding out a pink silicone toy that has a longer part that I assume goes inside, and a shorter arm that I assume will vibrate against my clit while the other part is inside me.
That thing is supposed to go inside me?
Good grief. At least it’s not monstrous.
“Sure. Okay. That sounds good.” I squeak, cursing my voice for sounding as overwhelmed as I feel.
Robin and Savannah offer me some sympathetic smiles, and Robs wraps me in a hug. “I know this is overwhelming. We’re obviously not going to force you to buy a toy, but I do think this is a good step in unlearning the purity culture bullshit spewed to us through our lives.”
She’s right, and I know she’s right. And this is a good first step in taking back control of my body. It’s hard to unlearn twenty-four years’ worth of shame in an hour,but I can take this slow. I can buy the toy, but I don’t have to use it, right?
I take a deep breath. “You’re right. It’s time to take control over my body instead of letting religion define who I am.” I grab the plastic package holding the toy, “Let’s do this.”
Savannah pumps her fist, “Girl power! You’re going to be so glad you did this. I promise.”
They suggested buying some lube to make sure things are comfortable with the toy, so after buying the lube and the toy, we head down the road to a boutique that carries plus size and straight size clothes.
While Robs is thin and I’m plus size, Sav is somewhere in between so this store is perfect for each of us to find outfits in.
While we peruse the selections, I learn more about the girls and the rest of the group. I learn that Robin is the social media manager for an art gallery in San Antonio, and she just got asked to head the opening of a new exhibit that opens in August. Savannah is a Spanish teacher at the local high school, which she says is weird because she feels like she just graduated herself.
