Page 39 of Loving the Sinner
Probably not. I don’t want to lose my virginity to a stranger, but I might go for some making out, though. Maybe a little fingering, like in my books. Lots of the main characters get finger-banged in the club bathroom. I’m trying to live life without following the rules I was taught, and that seems like a good first step.
I thought about wearing the blue dress tonight, but then I’d just think of Wes and I don’t want to think about Wes. He’s made it clear he’s not interested romantically and if I think about him too much I’ll just get sad. Plus, that dress is a bit fancy for the bar we’re going to. I opt for a lavender mini skirt with daisies on it and a whitetop that crisscrosses every which way and wraps around me. It took me ten minutes to get on, but it makes my boobs look good. I know my feet are going to be killing me if I wear heels, so I throw on some white flatform sandals.
I thought I would feel uncomfortable showing this much of my skin on display, but it’s actually very freeing. I’ve hated my body for so long, and I’ve been told my whole life that it was bad in one way or another. Wearing this cute skirt makes my butt look good, and my boobs look great in the shirt. I don’t feel like a sinner. I feel confident, cute, and ready for a good time.
Robin’s text saying they’re here comes in right as I’m finishing up my laces. My heart is racing from nerves, anticipation, excitement, I don’t know, but I’m eager to see what the night has in store. As promised, Drew is driving, Sav’s in the front seat, and Robin is in the back.
“Damn, Elli! You look hot! Are yousureyou’re not into girls?” Robin flutters her lashes playfully.
I blush at the compliment and the implication, but say coyly, “I’ve never kissed a girl so who’s to say.”
Robin leans over to me, grabs my face between her hands and gives me a gentle kiss. When she pulls back, she has a smug grin on her face, and she laughs at my stunned expression. “So?”
“Sorry Robin, you’re gorgeous, and a good kisser, but I’m as straight as can be.” I shrug.
She feigns disappointment, but I know she’s just playing around.
“So, how are things with Matt?” Drew asks me, wiggling his eyebrows at me in the rearview mirror.
“We went on a nice date, but we decided we’re better off as friends.”
“What about Wes?” Sav asks, shooting Robin a look I can’t identify.
“What about Wes? We’re friends. He was really helpful last week, and he’s been helping me figure out how to live a normal life without religion.” I shrug, and Robin gives me a grin that looks too forced.
Drew, Sav, and Robin are acting like there’s a secret I don’t know, and as much as I want to ask, I promised myself I’m not going to worry about Wes tonight, so I just keep quiet.
Drew drops us off at a bar slash club called Midnight Luxuries which, in my opinion, sounds more like a high class escort service, but it looks fun. I told Robin and Sav that I’ve never had alcohol, but that Wes suggested a Pina Colada, so that’s my first drink. It’s sweet, and the taste of alcohol is clearly there but it’s well hidden by the sweetness of everything else. I’ve seriously been missing out.
Once we’re all done with our first drinks, Sav orders us a round of tequila shots. It’s terrible. I almost gag when I lick the salt, then I choke a little when I shoot the tequila because of how strong it is, but I muddle through and bite the lime. My throat burns from the alcohol, and I don’t think I like the feeling.
“Nope. I’m not doing that again.” I scrunch up my nose and Sav and Robin laugh, but agree not to make me try another one.
A shot, and two drinks later I am feeling fuzzy and warm and giggly and I decide that I can have one more drink.
Unfortunately, my inebriated state isn’t stopping me from thinking about Wes. In fact, it’s making me think about himmore. So much in fact, that I interrogate Robin about him. She’s a good friend and just tells me he’s the best, a real gentleman. I tell her about our dress incident, pouting, “...and I wanted to kiss him sooooo bad. I touched myself for the first time thinking about Wes’s hands. I bet he’s really good with his fingersbeing a guitar player.” Really good. Not that I have much experience, but I imagine it would beamazing.
Sav and Robin are looking at me with varying levels of disgust, and I assume it’s because of mentioning touching myself, but then Robin says, “I don’t want to think about Wes’s fingers doing anything other than playing guitar.” Sav nods in agreement.
Ignoring that, I sigh “I just really, really like him, you know?”
“Yeah babe. I’ve gathered.” Sav deadpans.
“I’ve never been so turned on by anyone oranythingreally, that I’ve wanted to touch myself. I don’t think I’m very good at it, I don’t really know what an orgasm feels like so I-”
Before I can finish my thought, my phone starts vibrating in my purse. “Oh! It’s Izzy. I’m going to take this outside.” They wave me off as they giggle, and I make my way to the front doors. I step out into the humid night air, wishing it was cooler-it really sucks that it doesn’t cool off much in the evenings.
“Izzzzzyyyyyyy!” I answer enthusiastically.
“Hey Els. What are you up to?” Izzy says with a smile in her voice.
“Don’t tell mom and dad” I whisper, “but I’m out drinking at a bar with Sav and Robs. Don’t you ever try tequila. It’s not good.” I shudder, remembering the horrific event of the shot.
Izzy busts up laughing, and it’s like music to my ears. I miss her so damn much.Ooo a swear word.
“I won’t tell them, I’ll let you get back to your night, but I’m calling you tomorrow so you can fill me in on everything going on. I miss you.”
Oh great, now I’m going to cry. “I miss you too, Iz. I have a lot to tell you.” I blink rapidly trying to stop the tears from flowing over.
