Page 35 of Loving the Sinner
There’s no getting out of talking about this, so might as well just lay it all out there.
“I was only going to have two glasses of whiskey, enough so I couldn’t in good conscience drive because I was so close to completely overstepping with Elli yesterday. On Wednesday she had on this dress and,shitshe looked incredible. The tie got stuck and she- anyway, I couldn’t get her out of my head, so two drinks turned into three, which turned into more, I guess,hoping the buzz would help me forget a little bit, but all it did was make me want to be with hermore.The thought of her out with Matt, him holding her hand, kissing her, making her laugh, or making her cheeks turn that adorable shade of pink when she feels flustered, it was making me crazy. I just needed to forget about it for a while.”
I leave out the part where I pretty much ghosted her for the last few days. And the part where every time I think about her budding nipples I feel like a horny teenager.
Sean and Robin exchange a few pointed facial expressions and whispers- apparently they have their own secret language now- while I dig into my sandwich. As much as I hate feeling like a burden because they felt the need to check up on me, I’m really grateful they came over. I haven’t checked to see if Elli responded, so while they’re discussing, I pull out my phone. There’s no message from Elli, but there is one from Matt.
Matt:I think we need to talk, man.
Ah, shit.
Wes:Sure, tell me when and where.
Matt:Can I come to yours? 11?
Wes:See you then.
When I look up from my phone, Sean and Robin are looking at me expectantly. “Uh, Matt’s coming over at eleven to talk.”
Robin’s eyebrows shoot up into her bangs, “About what?”
I shrug, “Didn’t say.”
“Well,” Robin clears her throat, “back to your Elli situation. Why haven’t you just asked her out? It’s not like her and Matt are exclusive.”
“I told myself that if she wanted to date Matt I wouldn’t get in the way of that. He asked her out, and she said yes. She doesn’t want to go out with me. I’m not going to step on anyone’s toes. On top of that, I’m trying to help her step out of her comfort zone and see if she can be happy without her religion. I need to stay in the friend zone and not let my feelings get in the way.”
Sean laughs, “Bro, you don’t know that she doesn’t want to go out with you because you didn’task.Matt asked her out and she said yes, but that doesn’t mean she would say no to you. You should have seen the look on her face when she came back into the room and I was in your spot. She looked like someone had kicked a puppy.”
“We’re circling back to you helping her with her religion thing. To add to Sean’s point, when I talked to her outside, she asked if you were my boyfriend. Why would she care if she wasn’t interested?” Robin supplies.
Well, I didn’t knowthat.
That doesn’t change anything.
“I still don’t want to ruin my friendship with Matt over a girl.”
Robin scoffs “Matt will fall for someone else quickly. You? I’ve never seen you this hung up on someone. Not even Shelby.”
I know she’s right. Shelby was manipulative, made me think she was one person when she was someone else. I thought she was the one, but that's just because that’s what she wanted me to see. In reality, she was never serious about me. It was all about the allure of dating a musician, a bad boy. She was severely disappointed that I wasn’t into drugs or drinking or any “bad” shit. She didn’t see me as long term, or someone to have a future with. She made me think she loved me, then she smashed my heart into a billion pieces.
Elli has been nothing but genuine with me. She opened up to me on the third fucking day of knowing her, trusting me with her deepest secret. You can’t fake that kind of authenticity, that kind of raw emotion. It feels like sheseesme. Sees past the hard exterior into my soul. I’ve never wanted to have someone consume me as much as I want Elli to.
“I can talk to her today if you want, we’re having brunch in an hour.” Robin interrupts my thoughts.
“Thanks Robs, but I don’t want to do the whole ‘my friend has a crush on you’ thing, you know? We aren’t in high school. I want to be her friend, if that’s all I’ll ever be, then that’s fine.” It’s not fine, it might literally kill me, but maybe if I say it out loud enough times I can manifest being okay with it.
“Of course. Now, elaborate on the religion thing.” Robin demands.
“We’re taking the next month and I’m going to help her try things she’s never tried. We went shopping for some new clothes, we’re going to get coffee, and I want to take her out to a club, have her try alcohol for the first time. She’s started cursing more, which is cute because she’s hesitant to say things out loud. She’s never gotten the chance to just live as a normal twenty-four year old so I want to help her.”
“You’re a good man, Westley Jones. Just make sure your heart is protected, okay?” Robin gives me a smile and shares another secret look with Sean.
They stand to leave, giving me a hug and words of encouragement, letting me know they’re here for me whenever. I may be shit at showing it sometimes, but I love them. They’re the best friends I could ever ask for. If Robin were straight, or I were gay, I would definitely be dating one of them.
Half an hour later, Matt’s knocking on my door. Matt looks put together even in his jeans and t-shirt with hisperfectly styled hair. I feel extremely inferior in my raggedy pajama pants and holey band t-shirt- I haven’t even been able to shower off the hangover.
“Do you want to sit?” I ask, motioning to the couch as Matt lingers by the door.
