Page 33 of Loving the Sinner
Carla leads us through the low-lit restaurant where people are chatting quietly. People, mostly the men, send Matt nods of acknowledgment and greeting as we pass. I can feel the jealous gaze of some of the women when they notice Matt’s arm wrapped around my waist. I feel very out of place in my Forever 21 dress and Target heels amongst designer dresses and shoes. Wes was right though; I do feel more comfortable in the black dress.
When we reach the table, my breath is taken away by the view in front of me.
A gold haze mixes with the light blue sky as the sun sets, reflecting off of the buildings and onto the river, making it look like a river of gold is running through the city. It looks like a painting. It makes me long to see the sun set over the mountains in Utah, the pale purple against the golden sky is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Though this is a view I could learn to love.
Matt pulls out my chair before taking the seat opposite me, and we’re immediately greeted by Sam, a tall, lanky brunette man dressed all in black, who we learn will be our waiter for this evening. Matt apparently knows Sam well, and they exchange small talk while I glance at the drink menu.
“I don’t know if you drink, and if you don’t feel comfortable drinking, that’s totally fine, but their housechampagne is delicious, and goes perfectly with everything on the menu. I’m going to have a glass, if you’d like to have one too.” Matt takes my hand and strokes his thumb over my knuckles, giving me a comforting smile.
I quickly weigh the pros and cons of the situation. My mind goes back to Wes,again,and I decide I’d rather have my first sip of alcohol with him instead.
“I think I’ll just take a glass of water please.” I tell Sam with a smile.
“Perfect. The chef has prepared a special tasting menu for you both, as requested by Mr. Bailey. I’ll have the appetizers out shortly.” Sam gives us a curt nod and strides away.
A special tasting menu? How much didthatcost him? I knew he was rich, but for a first date, this seems extravagant. He doesn’t seem like the type to expect me to put out just because he paid for an elaborate meal, but the thought is still niggling at the back of my mind.
Sam brings us our drinks along with our first course which is broiled oysters in shallot butter. I’ve never had oysters, so I follow Matt’s lead in tipping the shell into my mouth, chewing once or twice, and swallowing. It’s velvety and smooth, and it’s not an unpleasant taste. I don’t think I’d order them again on my own, but it’s cool to try.
Conversation with Matt flows easily enough, although most of the conversation is based on the dishes we’ve been served. There’s a total of six courses, and by the time the dessert comes around, I am sufficiently stuffed. I’m more relaxed now that I’ve been fed and I find I really enjoy Matt’s company. He has a very chill vibe about him, and he hasn’t pushed me about the champagne at all, which I appreciate.
Dessert is a dark chocolate molten lava cake with hand churned vanilla bean ice cream, and it’s the bestthing I’ve ever put in my mouth. The moan I let out after the first bite could be described as nearly pornographic.
“You like it, I’m guessing?” Matt grins.
“I would marry this cake.” I deadpan, and Matt lets out a deep belly laugh.
“Well, don’t let me get in the way of true love.” He’s still smiling, but a more serious expression comes over his face as he clears his throat. “Can I ask you something kind of personal?”
I nod, taking another bite of cake then placing my spoon down to give him my full attention.
“I know Mormons have a reputation for getting
married young, like, right out of high school sometimes. I guess I’m just wondering why such an amazing woman like you hasn’t been snatched up yet?”
I don’t know how to answer that. I could say it’s because I focused too much on school to have time for relationships, which isn’t a total lie. I could say it’s because I never found someone who wanted to marry me, which is partially true. There’s a myriad of plausible reasons I could give him, but I go with the one that feels the truest.
“That’s true, my best friend growing up got married a year after graduating high school. I spent a lot of my time trying to get my degree, rather than dating, but the truth is I just wasn’t good enough for the boys I dated.” I raise one shoulder.
Matt’s brows furrow, “What do you mean?”
I take a deep breath, “Mormon purity culture is extremely toxic. Some people go as far as to not even kiss until they get married just so they aren’t subject totemptation. I wasn’t ‘pure’ enough for my first serious boyfriend, even thoughhe’sthe one who instigated a heavy makeout session. He broke up with me two days after, saying I was too much of a temptation to be around. That I was going to be the ruin of his eternalsalvation. My second boyfriend wanted a perfect little housewife to pop out a bunch of kids and I didn’t want that.”
“What a bunch of assholes. It sounds liketheydidn’t deserveyou.”Matt reaches across the table and takes my hand, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m sorry you experienced that.”
“Thank you. Unfortunately, my…reputationas an ‘impure woman’ went around so guys either wanted solely a make out session, or avoided me altogether. It’s bullshit because they get to get off, and I’m still a virgin who hasn’t had an orgasm.” My eyes widen when I realize the word vomit I just spewed, “I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I get a little riled up about the double standards in purity culture.”
Matt smiles, squeezing my hand, “It’s okay. I’m not uncomfortable. Do you ever want to get married? Have kids?”
A loaded question. Three years ago, I would have given an enthusiastic yes to both questions, but I honestly don’t know now. I know I’d be a good mom, but I basically raised my siblings, and I just want to be able to live my life.
“I’m not opposed to marriage, but I’m definitely not going to rush into it. I’m undecided on the kids, but leaning towards no. I raised my siblings while my mom barked orders, and I think I’d like to keep my independence.”
Matt lets out a chuckle, “You sound like Wes.”
My cheeks flush at the mention of his best friend and I try to laugh it off.
My phone vibrates in my purse and I take a quick look as Matt settles the bill with Sam. My heart flutters when I see Wes’s name pop up.
