Page 101 of Loving the Sinner
Ouch.
“Right.” I say, and Wes comes out of the bathroom looking a little paler than usual.
“Are we leaving?” He asks once he sees me.
I just nod, and I watch his shoulders sag in relief. Something bad happened. I’m assuming Spencer said something stupid and cruel and now Wes can’t wait to get out of here.
We slip on our shoes and Izzy walks us out the door. She waits until we pull away before going back inside, and my heart pangs a little bit because my seventeen year old sister is the only person in my family who’s supportive of me right now.
The drive to the hotel is quiet, and the silence makes me replay what happened in the garage over and over.
I already know what’s going to happen before the garage door is even open. This is going to be some lecture where my mom berates me and my dad stands there sentry to butt in if I say something my mom doesn’t like.
“Elliana Louise, why did I hear fromShellyof all people that you’re uprooting your life and going on tour withhim?” She spits the word “him” like it leaves a bad taste in her mouth. “What about your job? What about your future?”
“I’m not uprooting my life.” I argue, “I’m not quitting my job. I’ll still have it, I’ll just be working from the road.”
“What kind of life is that? How are you going to settle down and raise a family when you’re in a different city night after night?”
“I don’t want to raise a family, Mom. Having kids isn’t something I’ve ever wanted.” I feel a little bit of pressure lift off my chest, now that I’ve gotten that off of it. I don’t have to pretend it’s my goal anymore. Now they know.
My mom looks like I’ve just told her I’m going to join the circus. “I can’t believe you’re being so selfish right now. What about grandkids, hm? What about our family? You’re just going to throw it all away for some deviant?”
I don’t hold back my eyeroll this time, which makes my dad speak up. “Watch your attitude young lady.” He grunts.
“I’mhappy.For the first time in my life, I’m actually living for me, and not for you or the church. A church I no longer believe in. You have four other kids who can give you grandkids if that’s what they want, but I don’t want kids. I don’t understand why my choices are so important to you when they don’t affect you directly.”
“Theydoaffect me!” My mother hisses. “You not having my grandkids affects me. You not joining our family for eternity in the Celestial Kingdom affects all of us! And now Izzy’s going to go and leave another empty chair at our eternal table.”
“No, Mom. I’m an adult and my ‘eternal salvation’ is my own to determine. You don’t get a say in my future anymore. Only I do.” I say, surprised that my voice isn’t shaking from anxiety.
“Wes is who you’re choosing? A devil worshiping sinner who’s mutilated his body? A musician is not going to provide for you! He’s not good enough, Elli. He’s a delinquent. Probably a drug user. What’s stopping him from leaving you for the next best thing when he goes on tour? Packer did that. What’s stopping Wes? He’ll just break your heart.”
Okay, ouch.
“I love him, Mom. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you-” I start, but she interrupts me.
“What you’re feeling is lust, not love! We raised you to make good choices. Going on tour with a-uh-uh junkie sinnerlike him isn’t a good choice. Stop thinking with your body and start thinking with your brain.”
I straighten my shoulders, no longer attempting to shrink down to the size they want me to be. “Wes is the best man I’ve ever met. He is kind, gentle, patient, and so unbelievably talented. Not to mention he’s made me happier in the last few months than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I choose him, and the life he can give me, even though it’s not the one you say I should want. I’m not going to let you spit vitriol about him when you don’t know him. I know you want to think you’re right. But I get to make my own decisions.”
“If you don’t end things with that boy, you’ll no longer be welcome in this family. I think it’s best if you leave. I don’t even recognize you anymore.” My mom hisses at me before turning around and dismissing me.
I can’t believe my own mother doesn’t want me to be happy.
Actually, scratch that. Icanbelieve it, but I don’twantto believe it.
Wes clears his throat, bringing me back from my memory and I realize we’ve pulled into the hotel parking lot.
“Do you want to take a walk?” I ask, not wanting to sit in this silence in the hotel room. I want to ask him what happened while I was gone.
“Sure.” He says almost robotically.
We get out and start walking down the street, but he doesn’t hold my hand like normal.
Fuck. Something’s really wrong.
“Did something happen when I stepped out?” I ask quietly.
