Page 9 of Loving the Sinner
“They’re um. They’re flowers that represent significant months.” I point to each black, white, and gray shaded bloom, “A violet for my mom’s birthday month, a rose for my grandma’s, a poppy for mine, two daffodils for my dad and Luke, a chrysanthemum for Jess. A daisy for the month my mom passed, and a cosmos for the month my grandma passed, and an aster for the month my dad passed. The bluebell is native to Texas and my gram’s favorite flower, and the buttercup is my mom’s favorite.”
When I meet Elli’s gaze again, I expect to see pity, sadness, maybe even apprehension. But I don’t find those things. Her eyes are soft, something akin to affection in them, and she has a sad smile on her face.
She says in an almost reverent way, “It’s beautiful. The artwork is stunning. I’m sure your mom and grandma would love it.” Then, her eyes widen in shock like she’s surprised she said that. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed anything. I mean,mymom and grandma would rather me chop my own arm off before I get a tattoo so if someone said that to me I’d laugh in their face. I’m sorry if I overstepped-”
I can’t help the smirk that pulls at my lips as I cut off her rambling. “Elli, it’s okay.” I give her elbow a gentle squeeze. “I appreciate the sincerity. I’m sure they’d like it, too. I’m just not used to telling people I just met about my dead family, you know?”
Elli nods, and then it’s silent again.
I don’t like it. I liked her rambling. It was the most animated I saw her, and I find myself wanting more.
I don’t know how long we sit there; it could have been five minutes, it could have been an hour. It waslong enough for us to finish our respective pretzel bites, and long enough for me to notice that Elli has a few smatterings of freckles on her cheeks that look like little constellations.
“So,” I start, wanting to break the silence, “what brings you to good ol’ San Marcos, Texas?”
“Oh, um, I needed out of Utah, and Izzy needed a reason to visit Luke more. San Antonio and Austin are close enough for a day trip, and San Marcos is cute.” She shrugs. “My job is remote, so I could go anywhere, and here seemed like a good place.”
“Won’t you miss your family? Friends? Partner?”
Elli shrugs again. “I mean, of course I will. I’ll miss my siblings, but they’re all growing up and finding themselves, so I don’t have to take care of them anymore. Most of my friends are married and starting families so I don’t see them anyway. My parents are… a lot. I need space from them to figure some things out. I don’t have a partner to miss, so no worries there.”
I’m ignoring the flutter in my chest at the revelation that she’s single.
What the fuck is that?
Before I can open my mouth to respond, a giggly voice calls out to us.
“Hey you two!” Izzy calls, her smile a mile wide, dragging Luke with their fingers firmly interlocked.
Luke’s got two matching stuffed dinosaurs in one arm, and the dopiest grin on his face.
He looks so happy my heart squeezes. As cringy as they are, he’s happy, and that makes me happy.
“Hey kids, done already?” Elli asks.
Izzy gives a confused look. “It’s been two hours, Els.”
Elli and I simultaneously look at our phones and find that it has indeed been two hours. It feels like we’ve only been here for twenty minutes.
“Anyway…We want to order pizza and then watch a movie at your apartment.” She bats her lashes at Elli.
“Iz, that’s the one thing we didn’t get today.” Elli sounds exasperated.
Izzy turns to me with a saccharine smile, “Wes, would you mind stopping by Target so we can get a TV?”
“Isabelle!” Elli chides in a stage-whisper. “You cannot just ask someone you just met for a favor that big.”
“I don’t mind.” I want to put Elli out of her misery. Though, her cheeks have turned a delightful shade of pink and I think I want to see them that color again.
I regret offering as soon as we enter Target and Izzy and Luke saunter off to god knows where. We’ve been walking around aimlessly for half an hour to find them with no luck. Elli seems just as frustrated as I am.
I will admit it hasn’t been all bad talking more with Elli. It seems that the more we walk, the more we talk, the less closed in on herself she becomes. I’ve learned that she has a thing for bees, butterflies, and mushrooms. Anything with those things on it draws her attention and she gives a wistful, longing sigh before she puts it back. She graduated from Utah Valley University with a degree in Human Resources and got her B.S. in just three years. She works from home as the assistant HR representative for a law firm.
I tell her that I work as a music teacher at the private school here, but that I ideally want to get out of teaching and write music and perform full time. Usually, people are quite condescending or judgmental when I tell them I want to quit my steady income for something sounpredictable, but she is neither condescending nor judgy. Instead, Elli asks me about how long I’ve been writing, and what inspires me.
“I haven’t had a lot of inspiration lately, I’ve kind of hit writer’s block.” I shrug. I wish I had something, but I’ve written so many songs about my dead family and my ex-girlfriend, there’s nothing else to say.
She hums in understanding. “I’m sure you’ll find some inspiration soon, and you’ll write something amazing.”
