Page 19 of Loving the Sinner
“Okay.” It comes out as a squeak. So quiet, I’m pretty sure he didn’t even hear it.
Apparently he does because he smiles, winks, and kisses the back of my hand. “Great. Can I get your number, so we can work out the details?”
As I put my number into his phone, my mind wanders to Wes, and howhedidn’t ask for my number. Maybe Robinishis girlfriend, and it really was just a friendly favor to Luke. Maybe he didn’t feel the same things I felt.
Then why wasn’t he sitting by Robin tonight? Why didn’t he scoot away when our pinkies touched? What if he-
“You okay, Elli?” Matt gently touches my arm, startling me and bringing me back from the barrage of questions in my head.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I spaced out for a second.” I force an awkward laugh as I hand him back his phone.
“No worries. Come on, gorgeous, we don’t want to miss the big fight scene.” Matt loops an arm around my shoulders and guides me back to the movie room.
When we walk in, I notice that Sean is sitting in Wes’s spot, and Wes is sitting next to Robin, whispering with their heads bent together.Sure looks like they’re together.A sudden wave of jealousy crashes over me at the same time Wes looks up and sees Matt’s arm around my shoulders. He quickly averts his eyes, but I see his jaw tense and his fists clench on his knees.
Weird.
Matt leads us over to the couch, switching us so I’m not sitting between him and Sean. He removes his armfrom my shoulder, but quickly places his hand on my knee as we settle in.
When Wes’s pinky met mine it sent a million little bolts of lightning through my entire body.
All I feel with Matt’s hand on my knee is slight heat where his skin meets mine.
I try to focus on the movie, instead of the war of emotions going on inside of me.
That doesn’t last very long.
I feel like the walls are too close and I’m too hot and my stomach is turning like I’ve been going around the loops on theColossus: The Fire Dragonat Lagoon for hours.
“I’m going to go get some fresh air, I’m feeling a little nauseated.” I tell Matt. Without waiting to hear his reply, I walk out of the room and head to the backyard.
The moon is a bright waxing gibbous that reflects off of the pool, making the water look like it’s glowing and as I take deep breaths to calm myself, I try to name my emotions.
I’m not exactlynauseated, more like my stomach feels like it has a fifty pound bowling ball sitting in it. I can’t tell if it’s jealousy, anxiety, or… regret? Part of it is definitely confusion. Should I have said yes to Matt when I clearly feelsomethingfor Wes? Am I interested in Matt? Matt is really attractive and really nice and interested inme- why wouldn’t I be interested in him? But there’s something about Wes. Conversation flowed so easily with us. I felt so comfortable to be myself, not a version of myself I thought Wes would like better, butme.Matt and I haven’t really had the chance to have a conversation without being interrupted, let alone spend any time together. Maybe I just need to give Matt a chance. If Wes were interested in me he would have at least gotten my number, right? Plus there’s Robin and I don’t know where she fits in to all of this.
The last thing I expected when I moved here was to be confused over datinga dayafter moving here. Heck, I wasn’t even going to try to date for at least a few months. Now I’m worried about which hot guy I like?
Pull yourself together, girl.
I hear the backdoor open and close, figuring it’s probably Matt or Izzy coming to check on me. But it’s neither of them, it’s Robin.
“Hey, are you okay? You got out of there pretty fast, and right at the good part too.” She asks as she sits down next to me.
I run a hand down my face and put on a fake smile. “Thank you for checking on me, I’m okay though.”
She nods and then we sit there in silence. I figure I might as well just ask what I want to know and rip off the Band-Aid.
“Look, I’m just going to ask. Are you and Wes together?”
Robin scrunches her nose like she smelled something bad and then bursts out laughing. “Oh my god you’re so funny.”
I toss her a look of confusion and indignation because honestly, I’m a little upset. I don’t think the thought of dating Wes deserves to belaughedat.
Robin stops laughing when she sees my face, “Oh, no. It’s not- I’m a lesbian.”
Ah. Way to go, Elli.
“Oh wow. Now I feel really stupid for assuming.” I grumble, hiding my face in my hands. “I’m so sorry.”
